The Intimacy of Being Consoled


Psalm 94:18-19

18 If I should say, “My foot has slipped,”
Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up.
19 When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,
Your consolations delight my soul.


Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Matthew 5:4 – “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.


 For those who have been hurt by a narcissist*, a serious amount of comfort and healing are needed.  While a certain amount of comfort can be provided by friends, there is a limit to what a friend can provide.  Even if your friends have not also been fooled or tainted by the narcissist’s deceptions, they friends may not really understand the damage the narcissist has done.  But even more fundamentally, no other human can truly feel everything you’re feeling.


1 Corinthians 2:11 – For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? 


God is the only one who truly knows what is going on, and as a result is the one who can provide us the fullest comfort in our distress.


There is a special intimacy which comes from being consoled by someone – the consoler is expressing a heart of understanding, love, and compassion – many times out of having experienced the same hurts themselves – while the one being consoled responds with openness, honesty, gratitude, and a hope that some day they will have the chance to bless the consoler in return.


With God’s comfort, the one who has been hurt receives the comfort of understanding that God really knows, really understands, and has experienced it himself.  God speaks words of comfort and encouragement, letting us know that some day things will be better – and knowing it to be true.  He provides little side encouragements, someone for us to talk to,  and somehow actually heals our heart.  And this all includes the knowledge that He will be involved in healing our pain for as long as necessary – not just engaged for a little while and then walking off.


Intimacy with Him provides comfort, and being comforted by Him provides intimacy.  There is an intimacy of “getting inside each other” that would not have happened if there had never been hurts that needed healing.   In fact, one of the reasons that God allowed the hurts was for us to more fully experience intimacy with Him.  For those who have experienced this, it is a special place to be.  And He definitely desires it.


And as an added bonus to this special intimacy with God, after we have experienced His comfort we are better able to comfort others who are going through the same situation.


2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.



  • Narcissist is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here

3 responses

  1. Pingback: The Twin Pillars of Recovery « Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

  2. Wow, what a coincidence… or rather (God)incidence. When I was seriously hurting and didn’t yet realize it was because of possible narcissistic abuse, in one of my extremely low points these very verses came to me seemingly out of nowhere: “The Lord is near to the broken-hearted” and “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be consoled”, along with “He will change your mourning into dancing”. As these verses came to me (I remember I was on my last legs lying in bed and in a very bad state), it’s like this clarity suddenly starting flowing into me, along with a new strength. I didn’t fully understand at the time – but I (who was conditioned to feel like I was trash) started slowly realizing that something else was going on with the (possible) narcissist, something fishy, and that I wasn’t 100% in the wrong – but that I was caught in the crosshairs of someone else’s emotional disorder.

    I am still not convinced that I was dealing with a narcissist (though I am staying at a safe distance and letting God reveal that to me bit by bit – I am open to being wrong about this), but the encouragement was so real. And the side-encouragements as you mentioned came immediately after that moment and were so sweet – I started telling my mom everything and as I did, felt more and more uplifted – but also as if I’d finally found my feet on the reassuringly normal and sane ground of reality after spinning in a hellish dark maelstorm. More than that, I just felt so cradled in my smallness – I rejoiced to be small and so near God’s heart because of it! After that, I took a brisk walk in the refreshing night air and just felt so glad to be who God created me to be. I got my appetite back and even bought an ice cream cone after having no desire for food for so long! And I even rejoiced in not being able to sleep, so that I could abide in His consolation longer. What a sweet, beautiful blog post that aligns so closely with what happened to me – how sweet it is to be consoled by such a Loving God!

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