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By the very nature of who they are, narcissists* tear down our self worth. They do this through their condescending “scoffing”, or their need to exalt themselves at our expense. There may be times where they flatter you – but this is just a short term tactic in order to get something.
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In order to be strong in the face of a narcissist’s tearing us down, we need to ignore the narcissist’s opinion and get our self-worth from another source. Ultimately, the strongest foundation for a consistently positive self-worth is our own view of our value, derived from the one person really cares for us, and who doesn’t change their opinion based on their own self-centered goals. This foundation for a strong, consistently positive self-worth is to have a clear understanding at all times about how God views you – and it is the best shield against the attacks on your self-worth which come from the N in your life.
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God has uniquely and specially made us……….
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Psalm 139:13-15
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
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……. For a unique and special purpose
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Proverbs 16:4 – The Lord has made everything for its own purpose……
Matthew 10:29-31
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. 30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.
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.. As demonstrated by His willingness to adopt us and call us His children …
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Ephesians 1:5-6 – He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.
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Ephesians 5:1-2 – Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2 and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
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…And as shown by the great extent to which He went to demonstrate His love for us
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Romans 5:7-8 – For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
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Proverbs 31:30 – Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
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1 Samuel 16:7 – But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
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So, if a narcissist is destroying your sense of self-worth, constantly remembering God’s view of your true value will enable you to stand firm on a strong foundation of healthy self-esteem.
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- Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here