Dealing With Narcissists* – Crying Out, Seeking God – continued


James 1:5-8

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.


When dealing with an N that is driving us crazy, in addition to crying out “God help me!”, God invites us to ask Him for wisdom.  This is HIS wisdom – not human wisdom – including practical  tips, things of the heart, and even things from God’s perspective.  James says that if you ask for wisdom, He will give it to you – generously.


But there is an important qualifier to getting this wisdom – “not doubting”.  The doubting here is not so much doubting as to whether you will receive the wisdom, but doubting as to whether you really want it – whether you really want to do things God’s way even if He gave you the clear right answers.   We know this is through James’ statement in verse 7 – ” For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”   Double-mindedness is to have two minds or opinions on the same subject – wanting to do things God’s way, but at the same time wanting what we ourselves want.  With that heart, God could tell us the right answer, and we might not even know we received the answer because we were only looking for the answer we wanted to see.  In order to ask for true wisdom in dealing with the situation, to receive it, and to KNOW that we have received it, we must start with the heart attitude that we will act on the wisdom God gives us without interjecting our own “will” into the matter.


This invitation to ask for wisdom is in the context of trials, which James describes as tests (we will look into this later).  Of course, our challenge with our narcissist certainly qualifies as a trial and a test.


James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.


So go ahead – ask for wisdom in how to deal with your challenging narcissist.  But don’t expect to get what you are asking for unless you are truly serious about doing it His way instead of your own way.  All along being aware of the admonition in Proverbs:


Proverbs 14:12

12 There is a way which seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.


5 responses

  1. Pingback: An Illustration of The Impact of Crying Out To Jesus For Help « Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

  2. Pingback: Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective « Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

  3. I have been reading now for three days and truly appreciate your information. It has been a Godsend! I have been praying for wisdom, guidance, discernment because until about 5 weeks ago I thought I was going crazy and losing my mind. I had long ago lost myself to my narcissistic husband. I have a 3 yr old and 11 year old with my N. I believe God still works miracles and my N was also adopted, as having a child was a status to reach. I cannot regret the path because without it I wouldn’t have my beautiful, wonderful children. My N is obviously a covert N since it was so subtly chipping away at me. Is there anywhere on your website that addresses how to Pray for a narcissist? I have prayed for God to soften his heart, open his eyes and heart, to open his spiritual eyes to be able to see or hear God guiding. He claims to have been saved but in our relationship I see no fruit of the spirit. After having several conversations stating I will not live in a loveless, demeaning marriage for the sake of my children’s mental health which he is always exhausted and says I am asking for too much, he can’t please me, I’m being unreasonable, etc I have told him that I don’t regret our marriage and since the bible says to care for the orphans and widows that I believe that is why He put us together. That it isn’t his fault he is this way but until he sees the hurt and wants to change I cannot help. But I know God has been guiding me and can make him change as he did it to others in the bible. I love the scripture references on the behavior and consequences, and the lack of bearing fruit and told him that I hurt for what I’ve read his ultimate demise would be if he doesn’t let God help him. Thought of reading some of those scriptures to him. But how do we pray most effectively for the healing of their minds and emotions and wounds and boastful pride? Have read a lot here but haven’t seen this addresses. Please let me know if I have missed this where to find it or if you have any ideas. Going to pray the best I know how and trust the spirit and Jesus to intercede for my family. Thank you for your prayers and your knowledgeable website. Praying for you and Thanking God for you! By the way, my N hasn’t been physically violent but the mental, subtle verbal, and emotional abuse has been extreme! So far it seems the children have only been affected by maturing quickly because of the fear he uses as discipline and his impatience and poverty from the blind ambition and direction. Thank you for your insight. I have tried to leave but the shelter wasn’t as empathetic and compassionate as I thought they should be and because it wasn’t physical I could not get a restraining order and have him removed from the home. I am stay at home mom and we have no money to get out otherwise and my home payment is only $296 a month. I thought if I could get him removed I could get a job and have a chance at a fresh start. He refuses counseling. I would not be able to support my children on today’s prices for rentals and homes when I would only be skilled enough to start at $10 an hour and I have no family that are local to help with babysitting etc for odd hour jobs. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Sorry so long.

    • Thanks for your kind words, Linda. I am sorry that this blog is so scattered, but I am literally working through it in real time, and working through subjects as they come up. When I get toward the end of the “first round” of this blog (maybe by the end of this year), I will to start organizing the summarization of key questions. Your question of “how to pray for N’s” is one that I have been asking as well, as I have some N situations in my own background and life as well. I don’t have a clear final answers yet, but do have a few thoughts. It would be easiest to write them in a separate draft page and send you the link. I will send you the link in few days, if that’s ok. Thanks again for your kind words.

      • Of course that would be okay! And greatly appreciated and only if you have time. I just didn’t know if it was already there. You are in my prayers! I have married 2 N’s apparently and believe my father may be a N. The religious ones who are always right which would have explained my mothers moods and anger being taken out on us when he wasn’t home. No internet to help her discover back then. I will pray for you daily that you will receive wisdom, any healing you may need and many blessings for what you are doing to help us Christians understand His way of dealing with this. Ty for your quick response. I will trust Jesus at the right hand interceding for us daily for us to intercede for all of us Christians dealing with these people. Again. Thank you is not enough, but all I have. You are so appreciated by me.

        Linda Miller



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