Dealing With Narcissists – Let God Defend You Through His Goodness

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Psalm 119:41-42

41 May Your lovingkindnesses also come to me, O Lord,
Your salvation according to Your word;
42 So I will have an answer for him who reproaches me,
For I trust in Your word.

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For those of us who have tried to defend ourselves in the face of a narcissist’s* attack, we have typically seen that it does not work.  Any defense we make usually just gives the N additional ammunition. 

Rather than defending ourselves, we can ask God to show His goodness to us in a way that shows His stamp of approval – His public vindication of us which sends a message to the N that HE is on our side.

This is the best way of the handling the “defense dilemma”, where in the process of defending ourself the N finds a way to make it appear that we’re the guilty party.

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Our job in this is to focus on doing what is right and to leave our defense in God’s hands

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1 Peter 4:19

19 Therefore, those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right.

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God’s job is to work strongly on our behalf, and in this way bring glory to Himself by demonstrating to the world just a little more who He is.

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2 Chronicles 16:9

For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. 

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When those with insolent pride see our vindication through God’s blessing, they may respond in jealousy, but they will have to answer to God for that.

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In the process, we need to maintain the same attitude as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abnego in their response to Nebuchadnezzar – even though they had complete faith that God was able to deliver them, they ultimately left it to God to handle it as He saw fit.

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Daniel 3:17-18

17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. 18 But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”

8 responses

  1. Wow. Powerful encouragement. Incredible comfort. A wonderful addition to my “how to survive” collection. I do not know how to express my profound appreciation.

  2. I agree with this. I have stood on Godly principles that I know are true and took a lot of guff from others for it. Even my Christian friends say they could not do that. In the end I’ve found God works things out when I let go and do it His way, or stand with my shield of faith up and move with the gospel when opertunity opens. Things may not always be on my time table. I look at it like I’m under a test of my faith also my Heavenly Father is teaching me not to fear. I do not have to answer to anyone but God. If they cut me down but so be it, I then ask God to vindicate me and I fear God more than man.

  3. This entire website is an answer to prayer. Thank you for sharing your work as you work through your own struggles dealing with this issue. I have searched and searched for biblical instruction on how the deal with my “thorn in my side” as Paul would say. I’m so glad God lead me to this. Thank you!

  4. Helpful Biblical answers to narcissism. I’m reading through your pages looking for this answer: When do we leave and have no contact with a relative narcissist, one we do not live with? This narcissist who blames everyone except herself, triangulates relatives against each other and abuses with hurtful words and behavior.

    • Thanks for your comment, Cliff. I do not know of a specific Biblical reference on your question, but in my view there are two “guideposts” that apply. On one side, the Bible instructs us to avoid them (this does not necessarily mean “no contact” – it could mean “low contact”) Please see the posts on “Avoid Them”. On the other side, we are to fulfill our God-given responsibilities, even if the circumstances are difficult. So, one way to view it is that we should avoid them to the extent that our God-given responsibilities permit. Another way to state this would be that our avoidance would be inversely proportional to our responsibilities in the situation. Avoiding them does not autAn early post on this is called “Dealing With Narcissists: It Depends On The Relationship”. Hope this reply is helpful.

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