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Out of their insolent pride and selfishness, and their “me first” attitude, narcissists lack a generosity of spirit. Let’s call them “ungenerous”. They believe that “charity begins at home” – and should mostly stay at home. In other words, “me first”, and then you might get some of the left over crumbs if they feel magnanimous.
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The insolently proud Pharisees (see here ) exemplify this. Jesus said to them,
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“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others.
Matthew 23:23-24
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Jesus was saying that the Pharisees scrupulously kept the tiniest letter of the law, while ignoring the things most on God’s heart – justice, mercy, and true faithfulness to God. Also implied is an underlying motive that the Pharisees did not want to give to God any more than was absolutely required.
In Mark 7 Jesus also challenged the Pharisees for using a loophole in their traditions to keep from offering help to their parents, refusing the most basic element of generosity.
But even though narcissists are ungenerous, they still want to be seen as generous.
Jesus called the Pharisees out for making a big show of the few coins they would give to the poor – fake generosity done in a manner to get maximum attention. He then used them as a counter-example to explain that genuine, quiet generosity is the path to true reward.
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“Take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people, to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.
“So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, so that they will be praised by people. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.
But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your charitable giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.
Matthew 6:1-4
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In Acts, the narcissistic Ananias and Sapphira also wanted to quietly limit their generosity while appearing to be generous.
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It is easy to understand the narcissist’s lack of a generous spirit. Their self-exaltation always believes that they deserve more than others, deserve the best, deserve the first of everything. But there is a deep fallacy in their thinking.
While they may mentally assent to God’s glory, in their hearts they either
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- Fail to truly understand God’s limitless love, wisdom, and power (they believe the economic pie is limited and therefore they must get whatever they can for themselves) OR
- Fail to truly understand that God is a rewarder of those seek Him and put Him first (Hebrews 11:7) OR
- Want to live life their way, according to their rules – forfeiting God’s blessing and forcing them to grab whatever they can in compensation.
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Their failure – in their hearts – to recognize, acknowledge, or submit to God as GOD – with His unlimited knowledge, love and power – makes them grab whatever they can. This is in contrast to those generous in spirit willing to let go and give out of love – trusting the God of unlimited generosity and resources to make everything good in the end.
In contrast to the ungenerous narcissists, Jesus said,
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Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.”Luke 6:38
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