The Opposite Of Narcissism Is Love – Intro

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1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails…….

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We would normally think that the opposite of narcissism / insolent pride is humility – which is true.  But, insolent pride is also the opposite of genuine love.   According to the verses above, love

  • Is kind
  • Is not jealous
  • Does not brag
  • Is not arrogant
  • Does not seek its own
  • Is not provoked
  • Does not take into account a wrong suffered

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These are the polar opposites of the traits shown by narcissists.   As we will discuss going forward, the contrast between narcissism and genuine love is fundamental to helping us understand:

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  • the real (eternal) consequences which narcissists have chosen for themselves
  • why God allows them to wreak havoc
  • how God wants us to respond and deal with them
  • why it is important that we look at our own hearts even while we are struggling with the N in our lives

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  • Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls insolent pride – see here

 

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Narcissist* Consequences – Don’t Gloat

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Proverbs 24:17-18

17 Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;
18 Or the Lord will see it and be displeased,
And turn His anger away from him.

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As we said previously, one key to having peace in the midst of dealing with a difficult narcissist is the understanding that God is a Just Judge, and will, in the end, give to the narcissist everything that they deserve.  This trust that God will deal out the proper consequences can give us the freedom to focus on our own inner peace and happiness (which ultimately comes from Him), as well as “doing what is right” in our situation.  If we are a genuinely loving person, we will not take delight in what God does to the the narcissist – but we will be at peace with it.

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Proverbs 17:5

……He who rejoices at calamity will not go unpunished.

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* Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here

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Consequences For Narcissists*, Continued

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Psalm 31:23

23 ……. The Lord preserves the faithful
And fully recompenses the proud doer.

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Galatians 6:7

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.

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Jeremiah 17:10 – “I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds.

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While narcissists* (those with insolent pride) often do seem to “get away with” their actions, God says that ultimately they will receive everything they deserve.  While we discussed here and here the timeless consequences which they will receive, narcissists will also consistently and repeatedly receive consequences in their current lives as well.  These consequences are partly the natural consequences of straying from God’s perfect design for successful living, but also are God’s way to get the narcissists’ attention in order to avoid the much more serious timeless consequences.  (Of course, narcissists tend not to listen.)
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Some of the consequences include:
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Timeless Consequences for Narcissists* – Part 2

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Revelation 20:12-13

12 And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is the book of life; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds. 13 And the sea gave up the dead which were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead which were in them; and they were judged, every one of them according to their deeds.

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We may intuitively understand that enemies of God will ultimately be judged.  But, it is very clear that everyone, even His friends will be judged.  Paul wrote to the Christians in Corinth:

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2 Corinthians 5:10 – For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.

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So, whether the narcissist we are dealing with is a total enemy of God, or claims to be a Christian, he will ultimately receive his full consequences from God for his actions toward us.  However, while there is a 1 to 1 relationship between actions and consequences, there will be a difference in consequences based on his “standing” when he faces judgment.  This watershed is found in Psalm 32:

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Psalm 32:1-2

 

32 How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!

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Timeless Consequences For Narcissists* – Part 1

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He Does See What They’re Doing

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Proverbs 15:11 – Sheol and Abaddon lie open before the Lord, How much more the hearts of men!
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Psalm 94:8-11

Pay heed, you senseless among the people;
And when will you understand, stupid ones?
He who planted the ear, does He not hear?
He who formed the eye, does He not see?
10 He who chastens the nations, will He not rebuke,
Even He who teaches man knowledge?
11 The Lord knows the thoughts of man,
That they are a mere breath.

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As we said here, one fear that we may have in our dealings with a narcissist (one with insolent pride) is that the narcissist might be “getting away with it”.   Holding on to this fear prevents us from releasing things to God and turning our focus to our own heart, actions, and responsibilities – rather than on what the narcissist is doing.  Our fear that the narcissist will receive no consequences is based on two separate fears:  1.  That God does not see what’s going on, and  2.  That even if He does see, He is not going to do anything about it.

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Even though a narcissist / one with insolent pride may work very hard to conceal their true goals, motives, and tactics for achieving what they want – and even though they may fool most people most of the time – God fully sees what they’re doing and the evil in their hearts that is driving their actions.  And He will not let them get away with it, but will judge them and provide the exact consequences needed.

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Letting God do His job frees us to learn and do a much wiser and more peaceful way of dealing with the narcissist.

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Psalm 131

 

131 O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty;
Nor do I involve myself in great matters,
Or in things too difficult for me.
Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;
Like a weaned child rests against his mother,
My soul is like a weaned child within me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dealing With Narcissists* – Understand That They (And We) Will Give An Account To God

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Romans 14:12 – So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.
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1 Peter 4:5 – but they will give account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.
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Galatians 6:7 – Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.
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Hebrews 10:30 – For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge His people.
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One of our biggest struggles in dealing with narcissists (those with insolent pride, see here) is when we see them “getting away with it” – “successfully” dodging responsibility, blaming others, sliding by without receiving any consequences for their destructive actions and the pain they are inflicting on us and others.
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Narcissist* Consequences – Nothing But Strife

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Proverbs 13:10 – Through insolence comes nothing but strife, But wisdom is with those who receive counsel.
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This one almost speaks for itself.   Narcissists / those with insolent pride are conflict creators.  Their focus on self-exaltation and getting what they want causes them to take actions that run people over in the pursuit of getting what they want – rather than “wasting their time and energy” on having peaceful relationships.
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The word for insolence in Proverbs 13:10 is the same word as that used in our “key” verse of Proverbs 21:24 – “Proud, haughty, scoffer are his names; who acts with insolent pride.”.

Proverbs 11:2
HEB: בָּֽא־ זָ֭דוֹן וַיָּבֹ֣א קָל֑וֹן
NAS: When pride comes, then comes
KJV: [When] pride cometh, then cometh
INT: comes pride comes dishonor

Proverbs 13:10
HEB: רַק־ בְּ֭זָדוֹן יִתֵּ֣ן מַצָּ֑ה
NAS: Through insolence comes nothing
KJV: Only by pride cometh contention:
INT: but insolence comes strife

Proverbs 21:24
HEB: ע֝וֹשֶׂ֗ה בְּעֶבְרַ֥ת זָדֽוֹן׃
NAS: Who acts with insolent pride.
KJV: who dealeth in proud wrath.
INT: acts wrath insolent

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Strong’s Concordance
zadon: insolence, presumptuousness

Original Word: זָדוֹן
Part of Speech: Noun Masculine
Transliteration: zadon
Phonetic Spelling: (zaw-done’)
Short Definition: arrogance

NAS Exhaustive Concordance

Word Origin
from zud
Definition
insolence, presumptuousness
NASB Translation
arrogance (3), arrogant (2), insolence (2), insolent pride (1), presumptuously (2), pride (1)..

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* Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here for more

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Insolent Pride Tops the List of Things Which God Hates

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If you are ever in doubt about whether God is passive about insolent pride (narcissism, see here), Proverbs 6:17-19 puts it at the top of the list of things which God hates.

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“There are six things which the Lord hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him

  1. Haughty eyes (“Proud, haughty, scoffer are his names who acts with insolent pride” Proverbs 21:24)
  2. A lying tongue 
  3. Hands that shed innocent blood
  4. A heart that devises wicked plans
  5. Feet that run rapidly to evil
  6. A false witness who utters lies
  7. And one who spreads strife among brother

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Note 1:  Narcissism is the colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”  (see here)

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Consequences of Being A Narcissist* – In the End, People Do Not Want To Be Around You

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Proverbs 24:9 – The devising of folly is sin, And the scoffer is an abomination to men.
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“Scoffer” is one of the names given to people with insolent pride…….
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Proverbs 21:24 – “Proud,” “Haughty,” “Scoffer,” are his names, Who acts with insolent pride.
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…….And insolent pride is the Biblical term for narcissism (see here).  So, “scoffer” is one of the descriptive names the Bible gives to what we today call a “narcissist”.
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Narcissists (those with insolent pride) want (or even demand) to be exalted, but the things they do in their drive to be exalted ultimately totally turns people off – to the point that people can’t stand being around them.  Of course, their charm may allow them to get away with things for a little while, but at some point their lifting themselves “up” (and simultaneously putting those around them “down”) catches up with them.  Its not a matter of “if”, but “when”.
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The result is that the narcissist gets the opposite of what he is seeking.  He is seeking to be admired, and instead in his selfish pursuit becomes despised.  Jesus made this very clear when describing the Narcissists of His day – the Pharisees.  In the middle of describing their insolent pride, He explained how things really work:
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Matthew 23:12 – Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.
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In the Narcissist’s attempt to exalt himself, he winds up being humbled.
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* “Narcissist” is the current colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” (see here)
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