Dealing With The Dread of Getting Through Another Day

January 28, 2021 By Searching4Wisdom in 1 Is God Loving & In Control?, 1 Is There Hope?, 3 Why God Allows Narcissists To Wreak Havoc, 4 Why?, 6 Redemption & Healing Tags: 2 Chronicles 16:9, 2 Corinthians 12, Matthew 6

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Matthew 6:34

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

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Many of you may think “how am I going to get through this one more day”? Or possibly living in dread of an event coming up that you are pretty sure your N is going to spoil. Or something similar.

There’s another way to look at it. If you look at this through the lens of God’s goodness (i.e. – everything that happens to you is good – it is just a matter of HOW it is good), and if you believe that God’s grace is fully sufficient for every need and that He will provide it as needed – then you can view the impending possible difficulty as an opportunity for God to show Himself strong on your behalf – either through working to shield you, or to give you the measure of internal grace needed to experience joy in the midst of trouble. In other words, rather than dreading it, you can anticipate seeing God work on your behalf.

2 Chronicles 16:9

For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His……

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2 Corinthians 12:9

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

But as Jesus taught His disciples to pray….

Matthew 6:11

“Give us this day our daily bread.”

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……He does not give us tomorrow’s provision today. He will give that tomorrow’s provision tomorrow – and give today’s provision today, as it is needed. This gives us the opportunity to rely on Him, to trust Him, to need Him just a little bit more. And that daily need for Him further builds our relationship with Him.

John Piper has a very helpful illustration in his book “Future Grace“. Piper said to picture God’s promise that His provision of grace will be there when needed as a river flowing toward the edge of a waterfall. The river illustrates the grace coming to us in the future, and the edge of the waterfall is “today” or “this minute”. God promises the river of grace to continue to flow toward us, while we experience this moment’s grace at the edge of the waterfall. The constant river of grace coming toward us gives us peace today that the grace needed tomorrow will be there tomorrow. Therefore, we can simply focus on applying His grace at this moment, and trust Him for future moments.

Part of our peace today that grace will be there tomorrow is the anticipation of the opportunity to learn and grow, and to see God act (in big or little ways) on our behalf. While for some, the particular trial may not last very long, for others it may last a lifetime. But we can trust that God has His loving purposes in either case, and that the lesson of trusting Him today for the grace needed tomorrow will carry us throughout our entire lives.

Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally

Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective

True Intimacy

November 29, 2020 By Searching4Wisdom in 1 Is God Loving & In Control?, 1 Is There Hope?, 2 For "Victims": "How Can I Heal"? Tags: I Corinthains 13:12, I Peter 5:7, Psalm 139:1-6, Psalm 73:25-28

Underlying much of our struggle with a narcissist is our deep-down quest for true intimacy. That desire for intimacy is what often got us involved with them in the first place. A narcissist fakes intimacy at the beginning, but their drive for dominance and self-absorption prevents it from truly taking place. The failure of intimacy may tempt you to throw in the towel and try again, but if you don’t know what you’re looking for it will be futile.

True intimacy arises from someone who cares about you, who knows you deeply, and who is deeply interested in what you think about it – and with you in turn caring for them and what they think about. Imagine sitting across from your soul mate, someone you love and who loves you, and being able to say, “you have complete insight into my soul”.

That would be wonderful if you could find it in the form of another person. How many people do you know who have found that? People are fallible in many ways, and self-centered, to the detriment of intimacy. Putting an expectation of intimacy on someone who is not up to it, puts extra stress on the relationship. Of course, as with many things a measure of intimacy is possible, even if not to the degree you might hope.

God knows that we will never be completely fulfilled apart from Him. That’s not a self-centered move on His part, but the reality that only He is completely satisfying, and His creations – even at their best – a dim reflection of His magnificence.

Ultimate intimacy comes from God and is reflected in what are the most intimate chapters of the Bible Psalm 139.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.

Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

Psalm 139:1-6

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Think of being so in love with someone that you watch their every move. That’s what David is talking about here. I originally of God’s awareness as an “accountability” thing. That is true, as God does see everything we do from a moral perspective. But we can also simply take it for what it is – the God who cares for us knows us intimately.

The Bible phrases it in other ways. For example, just think of taking your concerns, and handing them to someone who is able to carry them, and who cares enough to do so.

“casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”

I Peter 5:7

And one of my favorites,

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:25-26

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Is this just a cop-out or rationalization for a bad situation? No. The fact is that this intimacy with God is the ultimate goal for God’s creation of us. Paul says,

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. I Corinthians 13:12

While God knows us perfectly now, and knows that He is our true soul-mate, we can partially understand that now, but will full understand it when we see Him face to face. In the meantime, He uses the disappointments of our current relationships to gently encourage us toward the real goal of intimacy with Him – the One who can truly satisfy us.

From Bad To Worse

May 1, 2019 By Searching4Wisdom in 1 Is There Hope?, 1 The Road Ahead Tags: 2 Timothy 3:1-5, 2 Timothy 3:12-17

My brother recently told me of two incidents of blatant selfishness and disregard for others which he observed in the space of a one week. Both incidents were from the type of people who 20 or 30 years ago would be expected to show at least some consideration for others. Insolent pride appears to be increasing, everywhere you turn. Paul said to Timothy.

But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; avoid such men as these.

2 Timothy 3:1-5

Many of these descriptions apply to narcissists, implying that in “the last days” narcissism around us will get worse, not better. Not a pleasant message. It is presumptuous to declare that we are in the last days, as many over the past centuries have believed it as well, yet we’re still here. However, it sure feels that we are.

The good news is that “it is darkest right before the dawn”, and those with sincere faith in Jesus are that much closer to a magnificent future.

How do we handle even more difficulty than we already have? Paul went on to tell Timothy how to respond:

¹²Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. ¹³But evil men and impostors will proceed from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. ¹⁴You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, ¹⁵and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. ¹⁶All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; ¹⁷so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

2 Timothy 3:12-17

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Paul told Timothy

Avoid them
Expect to be persecuted (God tells us elsewhere in the Bible not to fear it. He will give us the grace needed and reward us in the end)
Expect people to go from bad to worse
Expect people to try to deceive us
Expect people to be easily deceived by others
Continue in the truth you have learned and know
Remember the faith and walk with God of those from whom you learned truth
Remember that it is God’s written word (“sacred writings”) which provide true wisdom and true faith, and everything we need to effectively minister to those around us

We all desire lives of peace and prosperity. That will come in far greater measure than we can imagine – in Heaven. But God knows and informs us that the road between here and there will be bumpy. If we walk hand-in-hand with Him, He will see us through to that fantastic future.

Please see Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective for an overview of what this blog is about

The Cornerstone of Trust

April 21, 2019 By Searching4Wisdom in 1 Is God Loving & In Control?, 1 Is There Hope? Tags: Romans 8:28-39

It is easy to be filled with doubts of all kinds. If we trace those doubts to their roots, they are doubts of whether God really loves us, doubts on God’s knowledge of our situation, doubts on God’s wisdom in allowing our situations, or doubts on His power to control absolutely everything for our good (and His glory).

In these times, it is important to place our feet firmly on the ultimate solid ground, the Rock, Jesus. His resurrection is the ultimate proof of God’s existence – through demonstration of His power to raise someone from the dead. Man in all his haughtiness and self-achievement is absolutely unable to do what only God can do.

Because of this, acceptance of Jesus’ resurrection as a fact, and not merely a “belief”, is an important foundation stone of our ability to trust God. The Desiring God website has a good article on the proof of the resurrection.

If in fact God went to the ultimate extreme to solve our biggest need – reconciliation with Him through the death and resurrection of Jesus – why would He not be “for us” in everything else? It wouldn’t make sense.

Romans 8:31-39

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? ³²He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? ³³Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; ³⁴who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. ³⁵Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ³⁶Just as it is written,

“For Your sake we are being put to death all day long;
We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

³⁷But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. ³⁸For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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His death is the ultimate proof of His love, and His resurrection is the ultimate proof of His existence and power. If He is with us in our biggest need, He will surely be with us in life’s daily needs. Because of this, we can “overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us”.

The Rivers Will Not Overflow You

August 22, 2017 By Searching4Wisdom in 1 Is God Loving & In Control?, 1 Is There Hope?, 2 For "Victims": "How Can I Heal"?, 4 Why? Tags: I Peter 1:3-9, Isaiah 43:1-3, Proverbs 17:3, Proverbs 27:21, Psalm 73:28, Romans 8:28-39

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Isaiah 43:1-3

43 But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!

²“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.

This classic, beautiful statement by God to His beloved Israel is a clear reminder to us that when God allows us to go through deep waters He will be with us in it, and that He will not allow those deep waters to overcome us.

But we might say, “that applies to Israel, and not me”. He repeats the same sentiment toward believers in Romans 8:28-39 when He says that nothing can separate us from His love.

Continue reading →

An Illustration of The Impact of Crying Out To Jesus For Help

June 30, 2017 By Searching4Wisdom in 1 Is There Hope?, 3 Letting God Act

I had lunch with a friend a couple of weeks ago, who told me a moving story that underscores the importance of simply crying out to the Lord in times of trouble.

The friend’s mother was a serial “marry-er”, who was also on a quest for “power”. When he was young she was involved in witchcraft as a means of experiencing more power. He did not know his father at all. At one point he threw out all of his toys, because they were “talking to him” (demonic activity in his room).

His mom did occasionally go to church, so my friend had some awareness of Jesus. At one point sometime before age 8 he was so desperate he cried out “Jesus, SAVE ME!”. He believes that not only did he become a genuine Christian then, but the Lord took that cry for help and did much more.

At age eight his mom took him to a particular church down the street just one time in order to impress her current boyfriend. She did not go back, but he continued to go. After awhile a lady in the church noticed that he was always there by himself, and took him under her wing, picking him up for events, paying for him to go to camp, and more. At age 18, the pastor of the church started mentoring him further. Even though he had no earthly prospects for proper guidance in his life, Jesus provided. Later, God has blessed him further through having his own family and a prosperous business.

In response to my friend’s cry, Jesus saved him on several levels – not only for eternity, but also out of his seemingly impossible circumstances.

For more on the importance of looking to the Lord for help, please see Dealing With Narcissists – Crying Out Seeking God and Dealing With Narcissists – Crying Out Seeking God Continued

Why God “Allows” N’s to Wreak Havoc – Using Them As Pre-Emptive Constraints

June 30, 2016 By Searching4Wisdom in 1 Is There Hope?, 4 Why? Tags: 2 Corinthians 12, Hosea 7:5

2 Corinthians 12:7

⁷Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself!

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Sometimes, God uses His tools not for “corrective” or “refining” purposes, but for pre-emptive purposes. In I Corinthians 12:1-10, Paul had done nothing wrong. The “messenger of satan” was only for the purpose of preventing Paul from exalting himself due to his extraordinary experience. We as normal humans tend to get puffed up at the slightest “success” we experience – just think of how puffed up we would be if we had had an experience that was many multiples higher than anyone else had ever had.

Paul needed the revelations that God gave him as part of his ministry preparation, but he also needed to maintain humility for his ministry. So, God gave Paul the revelations, but also provided via satan a pre-emptive means for staying humble – not out of spite, or meanness, but for Paul’s good and God’s glory. Continue reading →

Healing From Narcissists* – Overcoming Despair

November 10, 2015 By Searching4Wisdom in 1 Is There Hope?

Psalm 27:13

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.

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Despair comes when you feel that there is no hope. And while you may not have a lot of hope for the N in your life to change his ways, you can still avoid despair by having true and ultimate hope. The “goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13) refers to experiencing every great thing which God has for you – in eternity, in Heaven. When we look back then at our current difficulties now, we will consider our current troubles as “momentary” and “light”.

To those who know Him (see here, and here), “we know the end of the story, and it is good” – so, no matter you are going through now, it is going to work out very, very well in the end. And in this case, Shakespeare’s famous phrase “All’s well that ends well” is true.

We can experience and feel some of that hope even now, as we draw close to the Source of the ultimate hope.

Psalm 42:5

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him For the help of His presence.

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Psalm 43:5

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.

Additional reading

What the Bible Says About Heaven

Randy Alcorn’s book on Heaven

Can You Know You’re Going To Heaven?

Narcissisim is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here.

Can Narcissists Change? – Introduction

August 12, 2015 By Searching4Wisdom in 1 Is There Hope?

A big question for those who are dealing with a narcissist / those with insolent pride is often “Is there any hope”? They are hoping in the midst of their despair that somehow things will change. While hope can come in different forms, what they often mean by this is “Will this person (narcissist) ever change?”. The short answer is …… it IS possible:

Matthew 19:26 –And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Daniel 4:37 – Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise, exalt and honor the King of heaven, for all His works are true and His ways just, and He is able to humble those who walk in pride.”

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In the case of Nebuchadnezzar, God spent 7 years taking the proudest, most powerful person in the world and humbling him – clearly demonstrating His ability to do it. “All things are possible with God”, and if He could humble Nebuchadnezzar, He can humble anyone.