Narcissistic Traits – Inflated View, No Follow-Through

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Proverbs 25:14 – Like clouds and wind without rain Is a man who boasts of his gifts falsely.

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Rain was considered a good thing in the Bible – especially in the region in which the Bible was written (the arid Middle East).  It was a source of the most  important physical component of life.  So, when clouds and wind kicked up, it was anticipated for rain to follow – as a good thing.  As a result, clouds and wind without rain without the resulting rain would be a significant disappointment.
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Out of their inflated view of themselves, narcissists will boast about how good they are at _____________ (fill in the blank – basically, whatever they’re trying to impress others with at that particular moment).   But more often than not, their boasts are not supported by reality.   So anyone who relies on a narcissist’s inflated claims is going to get hurt in some way.
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When dealing with people that focus on telling you how great they are, you might be dealing with a narcissist – make sure you get outside verification of their claims, rather than just accepting the (possible) narcissist’s claims.

Narcissist* Traits – There Is No Limit To Their “Kingdom Building”

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Habakkuk 2:4-5

“Behold, as for the proud one,
His soul is not right within him;
But the righteous will live by his faith.
“Furthermore, wine betrays the haughty man,
So that he does not stay at home.
He enlarges his appetite like Sheol,
And he is like death, never satisfied.
He also gathers to himself all nations
And collects to himself all peoples.

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One characteristic of true narcissists / those with insolent pride is that there is no limit to their desire for being exalted by others.   They are the ultimate “kingdom builders”, with the goal of showing their “greatness”.  The only thing limiting them is their opportunity.  That is why classic narcissists like Hitler and Napoleon would could be relatively obscure, but when given the opportunity would move quickly to create the biggest kingdom possible – at the expense of many other people, of course.

As the ultimate narcissist, this very much applies to Satan.  Satan’s goal is to gather to himself all nations, and collect to himself all people – to himself and away from God – even though Satan knows full well that those people will be utterly destroyed as a result.   (See here for the first step in not falling into Satan’s trap)

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  • Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here

Additional Perspectives on The Pharisees

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Since the Pharisees are one of the key Biblical case studies on Narcissists and how to deal with them (see How We Know The Pharisees Were Narcissists), it is important that we understand the entire picture.  For some additional background:

 

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Narcissist Case Studies – How We Know “The Pharisees” Were Narcissists, Part 2

.                                                                                      see here for Part 1

Isaiah 28:14-16

14 Therefore, hear the word of the Lord, O scoffers,
Who rule this people who are in Jerusalem,
15 Because you have said, “We have made a covenant with death,
And with Sheol we have made a pact.
The overwhelming scourge will not reach us when it passes by,
For we have made falsehood our refuge and we have concealed ourselves with deception.”

16 Therefore thus says the Lord God,

“Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a tested stone,
A costly cornerstone for the foundation, firmly placed.
He who believes in it will not be disturbed.

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The “cornerstone” reference is clearly is clearly referring to Jesus:

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Matthew 21:42 – Jesus *said to them, “Did you never read in the Scriptures, ‘The stone which the builders rejected,This became the chief corner stone; This came about from the Lord, And it is marvelous in our eyes’?

Mark 12:10 – Have you not even read this Scripture: ‘The stone which the builders rejected, This became the chief corner stone;

Luke 20:17 – But Jesus looked at them and said, “What then is this that is written: ‘The stone which the builders rejected, This became the chief corner stone’?

Acts 4:11 – He is the stone which was rejected by you, the builders, but which became the chief corner stone.

Ephesians 2:20 – having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus Himself being the corner stone,

1 Peter 2:6 – For this is contained in Scripture: “Behold, I lay in Zion a choice stone, a precious corner stone, And he who believes in Him will not be disappointed.”

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Therefore, God says in Isaiah 28 that He was sending Jesus in response to the rulers in Jerusalem, whom He called scoffers.  The rulers in Jerusalem at the time of Jesus’ arrival were the religious leaders (Scribes, Pharisees, Chief Priest, etc.) – so God was clearly calling them “scoffers”.   And according to Proverbs 21:24, scoffers is one of the names for those filled with insolent pride.

"Proud", "Haughty", "Scoffer" are his names, who acts with insolent pride. Proverbs 21:24

“Proud”, “Haughty”, “Scoffer” are his names, who acts with insolent pride. Proverbs 21:24

Revisiting Narcissist* Traits

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Matthew 7:16-18

16 You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thornbushes nor figs from thistles, are they? 17 So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.

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They Like The Thought of Being Superior .

They Actually Think They’re Better

Sitting in the Seat of Scoffers / Narcissists as Judge .

They Refuse To Listen

Looking On Others With Contempt

They Deceive Themselves

They Never Learn

They’re Impossible To Please

Religious (Maybe), But Not Truly Moral or Righteous .

They Are Deceivers (and Liars)

Big Time Hypocrites

Making It Look Good

They’re Conflict Creators

They Lack Perspective On What’s Important

They Have Poor Judgment

They Add Fuel To Fires

Nothing But Strife

They Focus On Your Version Of Their Problem .

They Want To Be The Center of Attention

What is Narcissism

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  • Narcissist is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here

Narcissist* Consequences – Don’t Gloat

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Proverbs 24:17-18

17 Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;
18 Or the Lord will see it and be displeased,
And turn His anger away from him.

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As we said previously, one key to having peace in the midst of dealing with a difficult narcissist is the understanding that God is a Just Judge, and will, in the end, give to the narcissist everything that they deserve.  This trust that God will deal out the proper consequences can give us the freedom to focus on our own inner peace and happiness (which ultimately comes from Him), as well as “doing what is right” in our situation.  If we are a genuinely loving person, we will not take delight in what God does to the the narcissist – but we will be at peace with it.

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Proverbs 17:5

……He who rejoices at calamity will not go unpunished.

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* Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here

Consequences For Narcissists*, Continued

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Psalm 31:23

23 ……. The Lord preserves the faithful
And fully recompenses the proud doer.

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Galatians 6:7

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.

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Jeremiah 17:10 – “I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds.

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While narcissists* (those with insolent pride) often do seem to “get away with” their actions, God says that ultimately they will receive everything they deserve.  While we discussed here and here the timeless consequences which they will receive, narcissists will also consistently and repeatedly receive consequences in their current lives as well.  These consequences are partly the natural consequences of straying from God’s perfect design for successful living, but also are God’s way to get the narcissists’ attention in order to avoid the much more serious timeless consequences.  (Of course, narcissists tend not to listen.)
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Some of the consequences include:

The Intimacy of Being Consoled

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Psalm 94:18-19

18 If I should say, “My foot has slipped,”
Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up.
19 When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,
Your consolations delight my soul.

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Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
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Matthew 5:4 – “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

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 For those who have been hurt by a narcissist*, a serious amount of comfort and healing are needed.  While a certain amount of comfort can be provided by friends, there is a limit to what a friend can provide.  Even if your friends have not also been fooled or tainted by the narcissist’s deceptions, they friends may not really understand the damage the narcissist has done.  But even more fundamentally, no other human can truly feel everything you’re feeling.

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Can Narcissists Change? – Introduction

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A big question for those who are dealing with a narcissist / those with insolent pride is often “Is there any hope”?   They are hoping in the midst of their despair that somehow things will change.  While hope can come in different forms,  what they often mean by this is “Will this person (narcissist) ever change?”.   The short answer is …… it IS possible:

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Matthew 19:26 –And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

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Daniel 4:37 – Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise, exalt and honor the King of heaven, for all His works are true and His ways just, and He is able to humble those who walk in pride.”
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In the case of Nebuchadnezzar, God spent 7 years taking the proudest, most powerful person in the world and humbling him – clearly demonstrating His ability to do it.   “All things are possible with God”, and if He could humble Nebuchadnezzar, He can humble anyone.

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The Biblical Perspective on Narcissism* = Hearts + Relationships

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Another way to view our dealings with narcissists* is as a 3-way relationship.  Yes, it mostly feels as though it is “us vs. them”, and that we need to struggle through dealing with these difficult people on our own.  And while there is some truth to that, we will not be able to have full success in dealing with them until we understand God’s involvement in the equation (see here and here).    So, while we may succeed on our own in applying solid tactics in our dealings with the narcissist – which may definitely help us maintain sanity – we will not be able to achieve the full level of “victory” in our lives that is possible without bringing God into the equation.

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The following diagram illustrates the 4 relationship dynamics involved in our dealing with narcissists:

  1. Us with the narcissist
  2. God with the narcissist
  3. God with us

NRel 5.1 Continue reading

Dealing With Narcissists* – David’s Prayer for Justice

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Psalm 94

94 O Lord, God of vengeance,
God of vengeance, shine forth!
Rise up, O Judge of the earth,
Render recompense to the proud.
How long shall the wicked, O Lord,
How long shall the wicked exult?
They pour forth words, they speak arrogantly;
All who do wickedness vaunt themselves.
They crush Your people, O Lord,
And afflict Your heritage.
They slay the widow and the [d]stranger
And murder the orphans.
They have said, “The Lord does not see,
Nor does the God of Jacob pay heed.”

Pay heed, you senseless among the people;
And when will you understand, stupid ones?
He who planted the ear, does He not hear?
He who formed the eye, does He not see?

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Dealing With Narcissists* – Understand That They (And We) Will Give An Account To God

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Romans 14:12 – So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.
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1 Peter 4:5 – but they will give account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.
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Galatians 6:7 – Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.
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Hebrews 10:30 – For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge His people.
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One of our biggest struggles in dealing with narcissists (those with insolent pride, see here) is when we see them “getting away with it” – “successfully” dodging responsibility, blaming others, sliding by without receiving any consequences for their destructive actions and the pain they are inflicting on us and others.
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Narcissist* Traits – Don’t Rely On Their Inflated, False Claims

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Proverbs 25:14 – Like clouds and wind without rain Is a man who boasts of his gifts falsely.
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 “Clouds and wind without rain” may not mean much to today’s urbanites – its a word picture from an agrian time.  But to a farmer looking for the crucial rain needed for a successful crop, clouds and wind are signs that the necessary rain should be coming soon.  Then, if does not come, the farmer is let down that the promise of rain did not result in actual rain.
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Dealing With Narcissists* – David’s Reminders To Himself

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Psalm 62

62 My soul waits in silence for God only;
From Him is my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.

How long will you assail a man,
That you may murder him, all of you,
Like a leaning wall, like a tottering fence?
They have counseled only to thrust him down from his high position;
They delight in falsehood;
They bless with their mouth,
But inwardly they curse. Selah.

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