This blog post is a cousin to the previous post on narcissists’ tendency to complain a lot.
“But to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the market places, who call out to the other children, and say, ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.’ For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon!’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.” Matthew 11:16-19
The linkages between these verses and narcissism are a bit more difficult, but “this generation” is epitomized by the Pharisees. And as we discuss in other posts, Pharisees as a whole (there were individual exceptions) were classic narcissists (those with insolent pride).
Narcissists are never happy with how others do things. They “sit in the seat of scoffers”, sitting in judgment over others (see Sitting In The Seat Of Scoffers / Narcissists As Judge) – and their standard is based on whatever standard they decide at the moment. Because their main goal is being superior, not achieving justice. They often set their standards in such a way that they can declare those they are judging to be in the wrong. So, you can jump through their hoop to meet the standard they set for you, only to find them change the standard so that they can still criticize you. That is behavior Jesus described for “this generation” in the words above.
There are various permutations of how this trait can be described:
- Narcissists want everything both ways
- Narcissists are never happy with what you do and/or how you do it
- You “can’t win” in your dealings with a narcissist (you can rarely even “win/win”)
- Narcissists consistently complain
How do you deal with people who are impossible to please? As Jesus said, “wisdom is vindicated by her deeds”. In other words, put your focus more on “doing the right thing” than on pleasing the person who is impossible to please. That way, whether the narcissist is happy with you or not, at least you can stand before God as having acted with integrity.
….Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here
…. Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally