Tag Archives: Matthew 10:16

Dealing With Narcissists* – Be Wise As Serpents, Innocent as Doves

March 17, 2022 By in Dealing With Narcissists Tags: ,
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There are many opinions on how to navigate relationships with narcissists.  Typical “conventional wisdom” might include
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  1. “Fight fire with fire”
  2. “Don’t let people run all over you”
  3. “I deserve to be happy”
  4. “I don’t get mad, I get even”
  5. “I’ll make him pay for what he’s done to me”
  6. [Fill in your own version]
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One of the most popular books on the subject of dealing with narcissists on Amazon is called
Needless to say, that sounds more like a narcissist vs. narcissist underhanded power play – and not a pursuit of the kind of love to which God calls His people.  “Winning” against a narcissist who is torturing you might seem right, but Proverbs warns:
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There  is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death. 
Proverbs 14:12
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God emphasizes this by repeating it
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 There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death. 
Proverbs 16:25
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Things which may seem like the right course to take – in the absence of Biblical wisdom – can lead to our own demise.
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Dealing with narcissists is not about doing what seems right,  but about actually being right – having true (Biblical) wisdom and understanding about the narcissist, the situation, and how to respond in the right way.  Toward this end, Jesus gave a particular instruction very appropriate for dealing with the world around us, particularly narcissists:
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“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves. 17 But beware of men…… “
Matthew 10:16
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 Jesus had earlier used the term “wolves”, specifically referring to narcissists.
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 “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves.”
Matthew 7:15
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It might “seem right” to treat a narcissist the same way that they treat us.  But if we act like them, we are no longer “innocent as doves”.   It is important that we maintain our integrity in order to honor God in the process of dealing with our narcissist.  In this context “innocence” means “pure” (maintaining integrity).  It does not mean “naive”.   On the contrary, we are to be the opposite of naive in our dealings with the narcissist – extra wise, extra alert, and extra shrewd.  But we are to do it with a pure heart and with integrity.
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* Narcissist is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”.  See here.
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Narcissism Will Increase In “The Last Days”

February 28, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , , , ,
. 2 Timothy 3:1-7

But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.  For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.  For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

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Narcissism “feels” like it is on the increase, doesn’t it?  The drive for some groups to absolutely dominate other groups or individuals, and the general Me-Ness of people seems to be dramatically on the rise.  While not every characteristic listed here applies directly, two reasons indicate that this list is about narcissists / scoffers / those with insolent pride

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  • First are the key words that these people are “lovers of self”, “boastful”, “arrogant”, “conceited”
  • Second are parallels to other descriptions in the Bible of narcissists / scoffers / those with insolent pride
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2 Timothy 3:7 – always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

is a parallel to

Proverbs 14:6 – A scoffer seeks wisdom and finds none,  (see here and here and here and here for an explanation on how scoffers are narcissists)

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For a second example

2 Timothy 3:5 – holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.
is a parallel to
Matthew 23:27-28 – “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.  So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

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Are we in the last days?  It feels like it, and there are early warning signs – but other generations in various places have felt the same.  At any rate, with the apparent rise of these people, we need to take Jesus’ admonition to heart
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“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.    Matthew 10:16
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(see here and here on how we know Pharisees were Narcissists) . Click here for an introduction on how to know God personally
   
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissist* v. Narcissist* – A Pure Power Play

January 14, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , , ,

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Many of the posts in this blog are about how narcissists (scoffers, haughty, those with insolent pride) relate to non-narcissists, whom they manipulate and push around in order to achieve their “rightful” place of superiority and/or dominance.  But what happens when narcissists come up against each other?

. Continue reading →

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