24 “Proud,” “Haughty,” “Scoffer,” are his names, Who acts with insolent pride.
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You may have found this blog because you have a “narcissist” in your life, or in the life of someone you care about. At first, you may not have known that you were dealing with a narcissist, but the pain and damage this selfish, arrogant, condescending, domineering person caused might have driven you to search for answers on what was going on, and on how to deal with this difficult person. As you went online or to books on Amazon, you read more about who this person is, and how he operates. And you likely read some explanations as to how he got this way, or advice regarding how to deal with this “narcissist”. In the process of trying to learn everything possible in your search for answers, you may have decided to explore what the Bible has to say on the subject.
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While the Bible does not specifically refer to “narcissism” – which takes its name from Greek mythology – it does speak to the subject.
Projection and Narcissism, Part 3 of 6 — Matthew 7:3–5
Ahab’s accusation showed how responsibility can be pushed onto someone else. Jesus now turns the question toward each of us: are we willing to face what we ask another person to face?
Some people can find your smallest fault from across the room. Their own conduct remains strangely invisible to them.
A sharp reply becomes the whole conversation. The repeated humiliation that preceded it is never discussed. You are told to work on your attitude while the person correcting you refuses to examine his own.
Jesus gives us a picture we cannot easily forget: a person offering delicate help with a speck while carrying a log in his own eye.
Correction Begins With Repentance
In Matthew 7:3–5, Jesus confronts hypocritical judgment. The person who would correct a brother must first face what obstructs his own sight. Jesus then describes seeing clearly enough to help the brother. Humble correction still has a place.
This matters when narcissistic patterns turn correction into a way of maintaining superiority. The question becomes whether the other person will submit, while the corrector’s conduct escapes examination.
That can resemble projection when someone attributes his own unacceptable qualities or impulses to another person. It can involve blame-shifting when he makes your response the excuse for his behavior. But the log and speck are a biblical picture of hypocrisy and impaired judgment. Jesus does not tell us that every fault someone notices in us is secretly his own.
Sometimes criticism is accurate. Sometimes it is exaggerated. Sometimes it is invented. We need truth to distinguish them.
Do Not Turn the Passage Into Another Weapon
“Look at your own log” can itself become a way to silence someone who names real harm. Jesus’ words do not require a person to become sinless before speaking truth, seeking help, or setting a necessary limit.
You can acknowledge a wrong response without accepting responsibility for someone else’s cruelty. You can repent of harsh words and still address the repeated conduct that preceded them. Those responsibilities remain distinct.
Begin with an honest question before God: “What in my conduct needs to change?” Then ask another: “What facts about this relationship still need to be faced?”
Trusted, discerning counsel can help when conversations repeatedly leave you confused. If speaking directly brings intimidation or danger, seek support and safety rather than trying to prove humility by remaining available for harm.
The invitation of Jesus reaches all of us. Put down the claim to superior sight. Receive correction. Practice the repentance you ask of someone else.
Clearer sight begins when we let God address what is in our own eye.
Cross-References
Galatians 6:1 — Restoration calls for gentleness and attention to ourselves.
Matthew 7:15–20 — Jesus also calls His hearers to discern people by their fruit.
Prayer Prompt
Lord, show me what clouds my sight. Make me willing to repent, gentle when correction is needed, and steady when Scripture is used to deflect responsibility.
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
You finally speak about what is wrong. The response comes quickly: you are causing trouble.
The lie was manageable until you named it. The demands were acceptable until you questioned them. Now the person asking for honesty becomes the problem everyone is expected to address.
Ahab’s meeting with Elijah gives us a biblical example of responsibility turned outward.
The King Blames the Messenger
Israel was suffering through drought. Elijah had announced it at the Lord’s word (1 Kings 17:1). When Ahab met him, the king called him the troubler of Israel.
Elijah answered by identifying Ahab’s abandonment of the Lord’s commands and pursuit of the Baals (1 Kings 18:18). The prophet’s announcement had not made the king’s disobedience innocent.
The opening post in this series considered Romans 2:1: condemning someone else does not exempt us from God’s judgment. Ahab illustrates a related refusal of responsibility. The person who should face his own conduct directs the accusation toward the person confronting it.
Blame-Shifting Is Clearer Than a Diagnosis
Psychological projection involves attributing one’s own unacceptable feelings, impulses, or qualities to another person. Ahab’s accusation resembles that reversal: he calls Elijah the source of trouble while Elijah identifies the king’s disobedience.
But this passage does not tell us whether Ahab unconsciously attributed his own qualities to Elijah. Blame-shifting is the clearer description of what we can observe. He assigns responsibility away from himself.
That pattern can appear in narcissistic relationships when protecting an image becomes more important than facing wrongdoing. A complaint about deception becomes an attack on your loyalty. A request for accountability becomes evidence that you are divisive.
The biblical account exposes conduct. It does not give us a clinical diagnosis of Ahab, or permission to diagnose everyone who resists correction.
Name the Conduct Without Taking the Bait
Elijah keeps his answer tied to the issue. He does not accept Ahab’s accusation as the starting point for deciding who is guilty.
We can learn from that clarity without assuming that we possess a prophet’s authority. Test your concern against Scripture and facts. Seek counsel that can challenge your interpretation as well as hear your pain.
If the concern remains sound, another person’s displeasure does not erase it. Where conversation is safe, you can say, “We need to address what happened. Calling me difficult does not answer that concern.”
You are responsible for speaking truthfully and wisely. You cannot make someone accept responsibility by explaining forever.
And if correction comes to you, resist Ahab’s response. Ask whether the person you resent is naming something you need to face.
Cross-References
Romans 2:1–4 — Accusation does not replace repentance.
Proverbs 15:31–32 — Receiving correction belongs to the pursuit of wisdom.
Prayer Prompt
Lord, give me courage to face what is wrong, humility to receive correction, and wisdom when truthful words are answered with blame.
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Projection and Narcissism, Part 1 of 6 — Romans 2:1
This six-part series moves from Scripture’s teaching to the lives of Ahab, David, and Saul. We will consider responsibility, honest self-examination, and accusations that must be tested against conduct.
You bring up a lie. Suddenly, you are the dishonest one. You ask about controlling behavior. Suddenly, you are accused of trying to control everything.
The original question disappears. Now you are defending your character.
People living close to narcissistic patterns may recognize this reversal. But understanding what happened requires care. An accusation can be false without being projection.
What Paul Is Exposing
Romans 2 follows Paul’s account of human wickedness in Romans 1. He turns toward the person who condemns others while practicing the same things. Knowing how to identify another person’s sin does not place us beyond God’s judgment.
Paul is exposing hypocrisy and false confidence before God. He is not presenting a clinical definition of projection, and his warning reaches beyond people we might call narcissistic.
Psychological projection involves attributing one’s own unacceptable feelings, impulses, or qualities to someone else, often without recognizing them in oneself. Blame-shifting redirects responsibility for one’s conduct: “I only lied because you make honesty impossible.” The two can overlap, but they describe different things. Hypocrisy may be present even when neither can be established.
In a pattern of narcissistic self-exaltation, accusing someone else can protect a carefully guarded image. A person may condemn selfishness while demanding that everyone serve him. He may insist on honesty while rewriting what happened. We can identify that contradiction without claiming to know every motive behind it or assigning a personality-disorder diagnosis.
Stay With What Is True
If this happens to you, keep the issue specific. What was said? What was done? What responsibility remains unanswered?
Where conversation is safe and useful, you might say, “I will consider your concern. We still need to address the statement you made.” An accusation does not become true because it is forceful. Neither does calling it projection settle whether it contains anything you should examine.
God’s standard applies to both people. That does not mean both carry equal responsibility for what happened.
Paul goes on to speak of God’s kindness leading to repentance (Romans 2:4). That is the opening for each of us: stop defending the image, acknowledge the deed, and turn toward God.
Another person’s sin cannot excuse mine. My willingness to examine myself does not excuse theirs.
Cross-References
2 Samuel 12:1–13 — David condemns wrongdoing before Nathan exposes his own.
Proverbs 28:13 — Confession and forsaking sin belong together.
Prayer Prompt
Lord, help me recognize false accusations without hiding from truthful correction. Give me courage to own my actions and wisdom to leave another person’s responsibility with them.
Projection and Narcissism: Next: Who Is Really Troubling Israel?.
Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
For many readers, The First Will Be Last was the book that finally put a name to what they were living with. Scripture calls it pride: self-exalting, insolent pride. Seeing it clearly is where healing begins.
But naming it is not the end of the road. Once you see the pattern, a harder question follows: what do I do now? For most people living close to a narcissist, part of the answer is boundaries. These are clear, honest limits on what you will accept and where you will stand.
This is where many Christians get stuck. We have been taught that love always says yes. So every refusal feels like failure, and the narcissist is quick to agree.
When Love Says No: A 30-Day Devotional Journey Through Biblical Boundaries was written for that place. It is one companion to The First Will Be Last, and it offers one biblical perspective on boundaries, drawn from the stories of Scripture:
Nehemiah, who would not come down from his wall
the Hebrew midwives, who told Pharaoh no
David, who left the room when the spear hit the wall
Jesus, who refused false claims and gave Himself fully to the true one
Each day takes about five minutes. It includes a passage (NASB 1995), a short reading, cross-references, three questions for reflection, and a prayer prompt.
Boundaries will not change a narcissist, and that is not their purpose. Their purpose is faithfulness: protecting what God has entrusted to you, without guilt and without revenge.
If you haven’t read The First Will Be Last, start there.
If I Say No, Am I Failing to Love?
When Love Says No is a 30-day devotional journey through biblical boundaries, for believers in a hard relationship who want to love well without being controlled.
One of the cruelest features of dealing with a narcissist is how private it is.
In public, they are charming. Reasonable. Often well-liked. The damage happens where no one else is looking, and when you try to describe it, the words come out sounding small. He raises his voice sometimes. She rewrites what happened. People nod politely. Some of them wonder whether you are the difficult one.
That isolation is not incidental. It is part of how the thing works.
Hagar knew something of it. She was mistreated by Sarai and fled into the wilderness — pregnant, alone, and, from the outside, the one who had run off. No one followed her to hear her account of it.
But the angel of the Lord found her there and called her by name.
And she gave the Lord who spoke to her a name of her own:
“You are a God who sees.” (Genesis 16:13)
Notice what God did not do. He did not remove the situation. He sent her back to it. What He gave her, before anything else, was the knowledge that she had been seen — accurately, completely, without needing to prove her case.
That is not a small thing when you are the only witness to what is happening in your own home.
If this is where you are, I wrote a 30-day devotional on exactly this — The God Who Sees. It walks through the passages where God notices people no one else noticed. It will not fix your situation. It may help you carry it.
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
If you have lived close to narcissism, you have met this question at midnight. A request has been made — again. A pattern has repeated — again. And the moment you consider refusing, the accusation arrives, sometimes from the other person and sometimes from inside your own chest: a truly loving Christian wouldn’t say no.
Narcissistic relationships weaponize that question. Your conscience becomes the enforcement arm of someone else’s demands. And many of us, wanting sincerely to love like Jesus, have concluded that the only safe answer is to keep every door open, forever, at any cost.
But Scripture answers with a God who keeps doors. He set a limit in a perfect garden. He shut the ark behind Noah. He marked the doorposts in Egypt — and in His Son declared, “I am the door.” From beginning to end, the Bible reveals a God who loves boundlessly and draws lines — and who teaches His people to do the same without guilt and without cruelty.
A new 30-day journey: When Love Says No
I’m glad to announce the newest book in the 30-Day Journeys series: When Love Says No: A 30-Day Devotional Journey Through Biblical Boundaries.
Over thirty days, it walks you into the stories of Scripture: a builder who would not come down from his wall, two midwives who told a king no, a father who let the famine finish its work, and a Savior who refused a thousand false claims — then gave everything to the true one. Each day takes about five minutes: a Scripture passage (NASB 1995), a short reading, cross-references, three questions for reflection, and a prayer prompt.
Rather than tell you about it, let me give you a full day from the book — the one many readers of this site may need most.
Day 26 – The Spear in the Wall
“Now there was an evil spirit from the LORD on Saul as he was sitting in his house with his spear in his hand, and David was playing the harp with his hand. Saul tried to pin David to the wall with the spear, but he slipped away out of Saul’s presence, so that he stuck the spear into the wall. And David fled and escaped that night.” — 1 Samuel 19:9–10
The spear was still quivering in the wall when David went out the door. He did not go back in to prove his loyalty.
He had done everything right—served in Saul’s house, soothed him with music, fought his wars, kept his oaths. And the spear came anyway. Not a hard conversation, not an unfair criticism: a weapon, thrown to kill, by the man he was serving. David slipped away, and fled, and did not return to his seat by the wall.
Scripture never scolds him for leaving. Heaven had no interest in David proving his devotion by remaining in range.
This is the day for naming a distinction that confusion makes deadly: ordinary relational conflict and credible danger are different categories, and they require different responses. Violence, threats, stalking, coercion, sexual force, weapons, patterns that put children at risk—these are not communication problems to be solved with one more vulnerable conversation. When the spear is in the wall, distance is not a failure of love. It is stewardship of a life God entrusted to you.
Watch how David carried it, because he carried it with both hands. With one hand, distance: he never again sat within spear-range of Saul, never returned to the household on the strength of Saul’s tearful better moments—and Saul had tearful better moments, twice weeping and blessing David after his life was spared (1 Samuel 24, 26). David heard the weeping. He kept the distance. With the other hand, restraint: twice holding Saul’s life in his grip and refusing to take it, honoring the office while staying out of reach of the man.
Distance without vengeance. Honor without access. Both hands, all the way to the end.
Two cautions keep the day honest. Danger can be exaggerated—disagreement, criticism, and refusal to give us what we want are not abuse, and inflated language destroys both reputations and the word’s meaning for those who need it. But uncertainty must not keep anyone in range of a spear: God does not require perfect proof before you step away from an arm already in motion. Reach safety first. Sort out the long questions from there, with counsel, facts, and rightful authority.
If the spear is in the wall where you sit—go. Tonight if need be, as David went.
The God who anointed him did not walk him back into the room. He walked with him out of it.
Cross-References
Proverbs 27:12 – “A prudent man sees evil and hides himself; the naive proceed and pay the penalty.”
Acts 9:23–25 – When a plot arose to kill Saul of Tarsus, “his disciples took him by night and let him down through an opening in the wall, lowering him in a large basket.”
Psalm 18:2 – “The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer… my stronghold.”
Questions for Reflection
Is what you are facing ordinary relational pain—or is there a spear in the wall? What evidence answers that honestly?
Where have you been tempted to prove love or faith by remaining in range?
If danger is credible, what is the immediate step toward safety—and who are the counselors and rightful authorities for the longer questions?
Prayer Prompt
Lord, You never asked David to stay in the room, and You never asked me to prove faith by remaining in reach of harm. Give me clear eyes about danger, courage to go, restraint from vengeance, and refuge in You.
Where to find the book
When Love Says No is available now on Amazon in Kindle and paperback:
If The First Will Be Last: A Biblical Perspective on Narcissism helped you name what you were facing, When Love Says No is the companion for what comes next: what to actually do at the door — how to love someone and still say no, without guilt and without revenge.
Love does not hold every door open. It keeps every door for God.
Your responsibility is faithfulness. The outcome belongs to God.
If I Say No, Am I Failing to Love?
When Love Says No is a 30-day devotional journey through biblical boundaries, for believers in a hard relationship who want to love well without being controlled.
Narcissism is not new. Long before psychology gave it a name, Scripture described it with precision: “Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he will not go unpunished.” (Proverbs 16:5)
The Bible calls narcissism what it truly is — insolent pride. It is more than arrogance or selfishness; it is a deep inner posture that resists dependence on God and elevates the self as the ultimate standard. From Lucifer’s rebellion to Pharaoh’s hardness of heart, the pattern is the same: self-worship, self-justification, and eventually, self-destruction.
Modern language tends to soften narcissism into a personality pattern, but Scripture exposes it as a spiritual condition. It is the natural bent of the human heart apart from grace — “They exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator.” (Romans 1:25)
The proud heart does not simply want attention; it wants to be God-like without God. It refuses correction, deflects conviction, and blames others for the fallout of its own sin. And yet, even here, the mercy of God breaks through. The same God who opposes the proud also offers grace to the humble (James 4:6). His goal is not merely to expose pride but to redeem the person trapped in it.
In The First Will Be Last, I explored how God’s kingdom reverses the order of pride and humility. Narcissism exalts self and ends in ruin; humility surrenders self and ends in glory. God humbles the proud so that He may lift them up. This reversal is not punishment — it is redemption in motion.
When God allows the proud to fall, it is His severe mercy calling them to repentance. And when He raises up the humble, it is His gracious reward for hearts that have learned dependence.
So what is narcissism? It is the old lie of Eden, repackaged for every generation: “You will be like God.” (Genesis 3:5) And yet, through Christ, God offers a new way — to become like Christ instead. The path downward becomes the path upward. The cross becomes the cure for the disease of pride.
Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Welcome to Biblical Perspectives on Narcissism. This blog began with one simple burden: to understand pride, self-exaltation, and relational destruction in light of God’s Word. Over time, it has grown into a deeper journey—one that traces how God diagnoses the problem of the proud heart and offers a path toward healing and humility.
The Bible has always spoken about what modern psychology calls narcissism. Scripture calls it insolent pride—a heart that refuses correction, seeks its own glory, and resists the gentle authority of God. From Pharaoh to the Pharisees, from Haman to Herod, pride has always been at the root of ruin. Yet in every generation, God continues to oppose the proud and give grace to the humble.
This blog is not about labeling people. It’s about learning God’s ways—how He humbles the proud, lifts up the lowly, and teaches His children to reflect His character rather than our own image. Each post explores a different angle of that truth—sometimes from Scripture, sometimes from life, and often from hard-won lessons in relationships where pride collides with grace.
The journey flows out of what I explored in The First Will Be Last: that God’s kingdom reverses everything we think we know about greatness. The proud rise only to fall. The humble fall only to rise. In that reversal, we see both the justice and the mercy of God at work.
Whether you are studying narcissism biblically, walking through a painful relationship, or confronting your own pride before God, my hope is that you find here both truth that convicts and grace that restores.
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?” — Psalm 13:1
David doesn’t start this psalm with faith. He starts with frustration. He doesn’t begin by declaring God’s goodness—he questions it. Four times he says, “How long?” He feels forgotten. Abandoned. Unheard.
And he tells God about it.
Sometimes we think faith is silent endurance. But the Bible shows us something else. Real faith brings its pain to God. Real trust laments. David wasn’t punished for this prayer—he was recorded in Scripture for it.
God can handle your questions. He’s not threatened by your honesty. He doesn’t withdraw when you bring your raw emotion to Him—in fact, that’s when He often draws near.
David ends the psalm not in despair, but in trust: “But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.” He didn’t deny his pain. But he refused to let it define his view of God.
If God is silent, it does not mean He is absent. If He delays, it does not mean He doesn’t care. And if your prayers seem to bounce off the ceiling, remember—they are still heard. Sometimes, the deepest prayers are those we barely manage to utter. Sometimes, God’s answer begins with our surrender.
When God doesn’t answer, don’t stop praying. Don’t stop hoping. Don’t stop trusting.
Cross-References:
“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry.” — Psalm 40:1
“Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur, and He will hear my voice.” — Psalm 55:17
“The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.” — Psalm 34:17
Prayer Prompt: Tell God exactly how you feel today—then choose to trust His heart.
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
“His watchfulness is upon a man’s ways, and He sees all his steps. There is no darkness or deep shadow where the workers of iniquity can hide themselves.” —Job 34:21–22
You can lie to the world and get away with it. You can deceive a church, fool a friend, manipulate a spouse, convince a counselor. You can dress it up in spiritual language, cloak it in good intentions, and hide behind the appearance of wisdom.
But you cannot lie to the God who sees.
Job’s friend Elihu got this one thing right: There is no darkness where the wicked can hide. No cover is thick enough. No story is smooth enough. No persona is convincing enough to escape the gaze of the all-seeing God.
This isn’t just about them—the narcissist, the abuser, the betrayer. It’s about us too. Because every heart is tempted to create false versions of itself. To minimize sin. To exaggerate virtue. To pretend everything’s fine when it’s not. But God doesn’t see what we project—He sees what we protect.
And still, He comes close.
His sight is not cynical, but holy. He exposes not to destroy, but to deliver. He calls out the lie because the truth sets you free. But make no mistake—He sees through it all.
If you’ve been lied to, manipulated, or gaslit—take heart. You don’t need everyone else to believe you when the God who sees already knows the full truth. And He will act in righteousness, in His time.
If you’ve been the one hiding, covering, deceiving—don’t wait to be exposed by others. Bring it into the light now. Not for punishment, but for mercy. The same God who sees the lie is ready to forgive it. But you can’t be healed until you stop pretending.
The truth always has an audience. And the most important One is watching now.
Cross References: Hebrews 4:13 — “All things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him…” Psalm 90:8 — “You have placed our iniquities before You, our secret sins in the light…” John 3:20–21 — “Everyone who does evil hates the Light… but he who practices the truth comes to the Light.”
Prayer Prompt: God, expose anything in me that’s false—and help me walk in the freedom of truth.
from the book “The God Who Sees”
Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Jesus dealt with narcissists often. He didn’t use the word “narcissist,” of course. He used clearer ones—hypocrite, blind guide, whitewashed tomb, fool. But He knew what kind of people He was dealing with.
He didn’t try to counsel them into humility. He didn’t enter long, therapeutic conversations. He didn’t chase after them to win them back. He exposed them. He rebuked them. And then He walked away.
If you’re dealing with narcissists in your own life, Jesus gives you a model.
1. He Recognized Their Pride and Called It What It Was
Jesus didn’t flinch from naming what He saw. He told the Pharisees:
“You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God.” — Luke 16:15
They looked spiritual, but they were driven by image. They sat in the best seats and prayed long prayers—not because they loved God, but because they loved how they looked.
Jesus saw through it. And He called it detestable.
2. He Confronted Them Directly—Not Indefinitely
Jesus didn’t stay quiet. He confronted the narcissistic leaders of His day again and again—with precision and clarity.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence.” — Matthew 23:25
But He didn’t spend His whole ministry on them. He confronted them. Then He turned back to those who would listen.
He didn’t cast pearls before swine (Matthew 7:6). He exposed the proud—but He didn’t entrust Himself to them.
3. He Walked Away from the Unrepentant
In John 8, after confronting the Pharisees with truth, He eventually left the temple. In Luke 23, when Herod tried to bait Him, Jesus answered him nothing.
There comes a time to stop talking.
Jesus modeled a boundary not rooted in bitterness, but in discernment. He wasn’t afraid of conflict—but He never let narcissists dictate the terms.
4. He Focused on the Willing, Not the Proud
Jesus didn’t waste His ministry trying to change hardened hearts. He said:
“It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” — Mark 2:17
Narcissists don’t believe they’re sick. So Jesus spent His time with the broken, the humble, the receptive.
He still does.
Takeaway: You Don’t Have to Fix the Narcissist
If you’re exhausted from trying to win over the narcissist in your life—stop. Follow Jesus’ example.
See them for who they are
Speak truth when needed
Don’t get caught in endless arguments
Let go and walk away when the Spirit leads
Focus on the ones God has actually called you to love and serve
Jesus never begged narcissists to understand Him. And you don’t need to either.
Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling.”
— Proverbs 16:18
It’s one of the most quoted verses in the Bible—because it’s one of the most visibly true. And yet, the narcissist never sees it coming.
He believes he’s untouchable. He gathers power. He wins praise. He rises. The people around him may suffer, but his life keeps improving. So he concludes what proud people always conclude: God must be okay with it. Maybe even pleased.
But pride is a snare. And God is never mocked.
The Trap Is Already Set
Narcissism—what the Bible calls insolent pride—always leads somewhere. The narcissist exalts himself through lies, manipulation, flattery, control, and intimidation. At first, it works. That’s part of the deception. The rise is real, but it is not permanent.
God uses the narcissist’s own pride to engineer his downfall.
Think of Absalom—charming, persuasive, beloved by the people. But it was his vanity that led him to rebellion and his long hair that caught him in the tree. He died hanging between heaven and earth—rejected by both.
Think of Nebuchadnezzar—boasting from his palace rooftop, claiming glory for Babylon. God stripped him of reason and made him eat grass like cattle until he acknowledged who truly rules (Daniel 4:30–37).
The narcissist’s rise only fuels his crash. The higher the pride, the harder the fall.
Why Does God Wait?
It’s tempting to ask why God lets the proud rise so high. Why not expose them sooner?
But Scripture gives the answer.
“Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?”
— Romans 2:4
God is not slow. He’s patient. He gives time to repent. He lets pride grow to fullness so that the fall is unmistakable. That’s why God told Edom:
“Though you build high like the eagle, though you set your nest among the stars, from there I will bring you down,” declares the Lord.
— Obadiah 1:4
He is never unaware. He is never indifferent. He is simply working on a different timeline.
What Should You Do While You Wait?
If you’re under the influence of a narcissist, you know what it’s like to wait. You cry out for justice. You want relief. You want God to bring it down now.
But the calling isn’t to bring them down. It’s to trust God until He does.
Wait quietly – “Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him… Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way.” (Psalm 37:7)
Guard your heart – Don’t retaliate in kind. Don’t become like them.
Stay faithful – “Never take your own revenge… overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:19–21)
When God humbles the proud, He does it right. And when He vindicates the humble, He does it fully.
The narcissist doesn’t believe Proverbs 16:18. But you should.
God will bring them down. The question is not if. The question is when.
Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Psalm 3 is traditionally attributed to King David, written during one of the most tumultuous periods of his life—his flight from his son Absalom, who led a rebellion against him (2 Samuel 15-18). We discussed in previous blog posts how David’s son Absalom was a narcissist raised up by GOD as discipline to David for his adultery with Bathsheba and the killing of her husband Uriah.
Even though David was complicit in creating his difficulty, he still had to deal with a narcissist – one from his own family – who was trying to bring him down and destroy him. He did not simply say, “I caused it, I will just let it happen”. He brought GOD right into the middle of it, and this prayer was part of that process.
David’s situation was dire: he was betrayed by trusted advisors, abandoned by followers, and forced to flee Jerusalem. This psalm reflects his deep distress, personal vulnerability, and unwavering trust in God despite overwhelming circumstances.
Verses 1-2: A Cry of Distress
David begins by acknowledging his desperate situation. He laments the growing number of enemies rising against him, emphasizing that many people are saying he has no hope in God’s deliverance:
“O Lord, how my adversaries have increased! Many are rising up against me. Many are saying of my soul, ‘There is no deliverance for him in God.’” (vv. 1-2)
Verses 3-4: Confidence in God’s Protection
Despite his predicament, David expresses confidence in God’s protection. He declares that God is his shield, source of glory, and the one who lifts his head in honor. David recalls crying out to the Lord and receiving an answer from His holy mountain, symbolizing God’s sovereign presence:
“But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain.” (vv. 3-4)
Verses 5-6: Trust in God’s Sustenance
David’s faith allows him to find peace and rest even in the face of mortal danger. He attributes his ability to sleep peacefully to God’s sustaining power, declaring he will not fear, regardless of how many enemies surround him:
“I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustains me. I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me round about.” (vv. 5-6)
Verses 7-8: A Call for Deliverance and Victory
David calls on God to rise and deliver him, using battle imagery to describe God’s power over his enemies. He ends the psalm with a declaration that salvation belongs to the Lord, and he asks for God’s blessing upon His people:
“Arise, O Lord; save me, O my God! For You have smitten all my enemies on the cheek; You have shattered the teeth of the wicked. Salvation belongs to the Lord; Your blessing be upon Your people!” (vv. 7-8)
Psalm 3 serves as both a personal lament and a declaration of faith, offering comfort to believers facing trials by reminding them of God’s protection and deliverance.
Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
Psalm 34 was written (around 1021 BC) after David’s dramatic escape from the Philistine King Abimelech, also known as Achish, in Gath. David had fled to Gath to escape King Saul, who was pursuing him with the intent to kill him. Even though he had successfully fled Saul, David realized he was in danger in Gath as well, since the Philistines recognized him as the famed Israelite warrior who had defeated Goliath and led successful military campaigns against them. Think about this as you read it – David not only fled from his narcissist (Saul)(1), but then had to deal with the serious and dangerous aftermath of that fleeing. One might become extra bitter in that situation – but not David.
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To save himself, David pretended to be insane, letting saliva run down his beard and scratching at doors, which led Abimelech to dismiss him as harmless and release him (1 Samuel 21:10–15).
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Psalm 34 is David’s response of gratitude to God for delivering him from this perilous situation. It serves as both a personal thanksgiving and an instructional piece, urging others to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (verse 8). David uses his experience to emphasize themes of God’s protection, the value of fearing the Lord, and the assurance that God is near to the brokenhearted and those crushed in spirit.
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Throughout the psalm, David also calls others to praise and seek refuge in God, highlighting that God hears the prayers of the righteous and saves them from their troubles. The psalm encourages readers to place their trust in God, who redeems and protects His people even in seemingly hopeless circumstances.
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Psalm 34 – A Psalm of David when he feigned madness before Abimelech, who drove him away and he departed.
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I will bless the Lord at all times;His praise shall continually be in my mouth.2 My soul will make its boast in the Lord;The humble will hear it and rejoice.3 O magnify the Lord with me,And let us exalt His name together.
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What did David do in his situation? He sought the Lord and cried out to Him to save him.
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4 I sought the Lord, and He answered me,And delivered me from all my fears.5 They looked to Him and were radiant,And their faces will never be ashamed.6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard himAnd saved him out of all his troubles.7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,And rescues them.
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As a result David, saw for himself once again that God is good – and that He showers that goodness especially on those who fear Him and take refuge in Him.
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8 O taste and see that the Lord is good;How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!9 O fear the Lord, you His saints;For to those who fear Him there is no want.10 The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.
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David then gives a little thumbnail sketch on how to fear the Lord. First, keep your tongue from evil and deceit. Second, stop doing evil things. Third, start doing good things. Fourth, seek and pursue peace – with yourself, with GOD, and with others.
11 Come, you children, listen to me;I will teach you the fear of the Lord.12 Who is the man who desires lifeAnd loves length of days that he may see good?13 Keep your tongue from evilAnd your lips from speaking deceit.14 Depart from evil and do good;Seek peace and pursue it.
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David then once again encourages the righteous to cry out to Him for HELP! Even though He is against evildoers He very much hears and will listen to the the righteous and those who are brokenhearted and crushed in spirit. The first step in dealing with an N is to cry out to GOD for help. You may not see the answer in the next 10 minutes, but it can be the start of GOD leading you through your situation.
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15 The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteousAnd His ears are open to their cry.16 The face of the Lord is against evildoers,To cut off the memory of them from the earth.17 The righteous cry, and the Lord hearsAnd delivers them out of all their troubles.18 The Lord is near to the brokenheartedAnd saves those who are crushed in spirit.
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David ends by reminding himself and others – as proven by his rescue from Abimelech – that GOD will ultimately deliver the soul of the righteous and deal retribution to the evil.
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19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,But the Lord delivers him out of them all.20 He keeps all his bones,Not one of them is broken.21 Evil shall slay the wicked,And those who hate the righteous will be condemned.22 The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,And none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.
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Yes, your situation with your narcissist is very different that David having to flee from Saul and then escape from Abimelech. But the basic principles which David applied can be revelant to you. Give it some thought.
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Note 1: I want to emphasize that David’s solution with Saul was to flee for his life. That does not mean that David’s solution is our solution. This website has various blog posts discussing this.
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Note 2: In spite my good intentions I have not been blogging much due to the ongoing press of everyday life. I’m also working hard on a book with a title along the lines of “Do Not Become Slaves of Men: A Biblical Perspective On Codependency” (or something like that). I’m peddling as fast as I can :).
Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
As we have said previously, Saul was one of the narcissists in David’s life – one with significant power over David since he was the king. David wrote several Psalms in connection to his dealings with Saul, including Psalm 59.
The introductory statement of Psalm 59 says:
“For the choir director; set to Al-tashheth. A Mikhtam of David, when Saul sent men and they watched the house in order to kill him.”
This heading provides context for the psalm, situating it during a specific event in David’s life when King Saul sent men to watch David’s house and capture him with the intent to kill him. This incident is recorded in 1 Samuel 19:11-18.
David was serving in King Saul’s court, but Saul had grown increasingly jealous of David due to his military successes and popularity with the people. Saul’s jealousy turned into murderous intent. In 1 Samuel 19:11, Saul sent men to watch David’s house and kill him in the morning. David’s wife, Michal (who was also Saul’s daughter), warned David and helped him escape by letting him down through a window. She then used an idol and a bed covering to trick the men into thinking David was still in bed, buying David time to flee.
David’s escape and the danger he faced are what prompted him to write Psalm 59. The psalm reflects David’s feelings of being surrounded by enemies and his reliance on God for protection and deliverance.
This context provides a powerful backdrop to the themes of Psalm 59, where David prays for deliverance from his enemies and expresses his trust in God’s protection.
Some excerpts of how David prayed:
He prayed for GOD to deliver him
Deliver me from my enemies, O my God;Set me securely on high away from those who rise up against me.Deliver me from those who do iniquityAnd save me from men of bloodshed.For behold, they have set an ambush for my life
Psalm 59:1-3
David told GOD of his innocence, asked Him to see what’s going on, and cried for help
Fierce men [Saul’s henchmen] launch an attack against me,Not for my transgression nor for my sin, O Lord,For no guilt of mine, they run and set themselves against me.Arouse Yourself to help me, and see!You, O Lord God of hosts, the God of Israel,Awake to punish all the nations
Psalm 59:3-5
David told GOD that because of Saul’s strength, David would look to GOD for his help and protection. And he was confident that GOD would, out of His goodness, take care of him.
Because of his strength I will watch for You,For God is my stronghold.My God in His lovingkindness will meet me;God will let me look triumphantly upon my foes.
Psalm 59:9-10
David specifically asked GOD to judge his enemies for their lying and cursing words and pride.
Do not slay them, or my people will forget;Scatter them by Your power, and bring them down,O Lord, our shield.On account of the sin of their mouth and the words of their lips,Let them even be caught in their pride,And on account of curses and lies which they utter.
Psalm 59:11-12
And finally, David looked ahead – in faith that GOD would answer – and praised GOD for His strength and kindness, knowing that GOD would protect him.
But as for me, I shall sing of Your strength;Yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your lovingkindness in the morning,For You have been my strongholdAnd a refuge in the day of my distress.O my strength, I will sing praises to You;For God is my stronghold, the God who shows me lovingkindness.
Psalm 59:16-17
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GOD did rescue David in this situation, and ultimately completely delivered him from Saul.
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If you are in a similar situation, pray this Psalm – you can use David’s exact words in talking to GOD about it.
Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
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