Why do You stand afar off, O Lord?
Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?
2 In pride the wicked hotly pursue the afflicted;
Let them be caught in the plots which they have devised.
3 For the wicked boasts of his heart’s desire,
And the greedy man curses and spurns the Lord.
4 The wicked, in the haughtiness of his countenance,does not seek Him.
All his thoughts are, “There is no God.”
5 His ways prosper at all times;
Your judgments are on high, out of his sight;
As for all his adversaries, he snorts at them.
6 He says to himself, “I will not be moved;
Throughout all generations I will not be in adversity.”
7 His mouth is full of curses and deceit and oppression;
[Note: This blog entry is intended for men. It was a difficult blog post to write, and I’m still working through it. But it was far enough along to push the “publish” button and provide you with a launch point for your own search into the subject. It may seem as though I am just focusing on narcissistic women, with men as victims, but I hope to write a similar post on the reverse relationship – a wife living with a narcissistic husband – in the near future.
Underneath this entire blog post is the view that marriage is a human illustration of a divine relationship]
18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14
13 Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14 Let all that you do be done in love.
How is it possible to be peacefully married to a a contentious woman and still be a real man? A tough question. Her modus operandi is to dominate you, which leaves you the seemingly impossible choices of either fighting back and creating a war at home, or submitting, neither of which is appealing (or correct). This post summarizes a range of things to consider for dealing with the situation. Your contentious woman could range from one who is merely annoying to one who is “impossible to live with”.
91 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust!”
3 For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper
And from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may seek refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.
5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night,
Or of the arrow that flies by day;
6 Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.
7 A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you.
8 You will only look on with your eyes
And see the recompense of the wicked.
9 For you have made the Lord, my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place.
10 No evil will befall you,
Nor will any plague come near your tent.
11 For He will give His angels charge concerning you,
To guard you in all your ways.
12 They will bear you up in their hands,
That you do not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you will trample down.
14 “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.
15 “He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16 “With a long life I will satisfy him
And let him see My salvation.”
Sorry, I have been travelling, and am just now getting back on track.
I just came across a good read on how Daniel wisely dealt with a big narcissist in his life, Nebuchadnezzar.
I had lunch with a friend a couple of weeks ago, who told me a moving story that underscores the importance of simply crying out to the Lord in times of trouble.
The friend’s mother was a serial “marry-er”, who was also on a quest for “power”. When he was young she was involved in witchcraft as a means of experiencing more power. He did not know his father at all. At one point he threw out all of his toys, because they were “talking to him” (demonic activity in his room).
His mom did occasionally go to church, so my friend had some awareness of Jesus. At one point sometime before age 8 he was so desperate he cried out “Jesus, SAVE ME!”. He believes that not only did he become a genuine Christian then, but the Lord took that cry for help and did much more.
At age eight his mom took him to a particular church down the street just one time in order to impress her current boyfriend. She did not go back, but he continued to go. After awhile a lady in the church noticed that he was always there by himself, and took him under her wing, picking him up for events, paying for him to go to camp, and more. At age 18, the pastor of the church started mentoring him further. Even though he had no earthly prospects for proper guidance in his life, Jesus provided. Later, God has blessed him further through having his own family and a prosperous business.
In response to my friend’s cry, Jesus saved him on several levels – not only for eternity, but also out of his seemingly impossible circumstances.
For more on the importance of looking to the Lord for help, please see Dealing With Narcissists – Crying Out Seeking God and Dealing With Narcissists – Crying Out Seeking God Continued
16 “But to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the market places, who call out to the other children, 17 and say, ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.’ 18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon!’ 19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.”
David to Saul (a narcissist) – I Samuel 24:10-12
10 Behold, this day your [Saul’s] eyes have seen that the Lord had given you today into my [David’s] hand in the cave, and some said to kill you, but my eye had pity on you; and I said, ‘I will not stretch out my hand against my lord, for he is the Lord’s anointed.’ 11 Now, my father, see! Indeed, see the edge of your robe in my hand! For in that I cut off the edge of your robe and did not kill you, know and perceive that there is no evil or rebellion in my hands, and I have not sinned against you, though you are lying in wait for my life to take it. 12 May the Lord judge between you and me, and may the Lord avenge me on you; but my hand shall not be against you.
Saul to David – 1 Samuel 24:18-20
18 You have declared today that you have done good to me, that the Lord delivered me into your hand and yet you did not kill me. 19 For if a man finds his enemy, will he let him go away safely? May the Lord therefore reward you with good in return for what you have done to me this day. 20 Now, behold, I know that you will surely be king, and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hand.
As we discussed here, purposefully allowing ourselves to be weak, rather than resisting, in the face of an attack from a narcissist, allows God to act and provides a stronger testimony to the narcissist and others.
David was a prime illustration of this in allowing himself to be weak in the face of the narcissistic onslaught from Saul. Even though God had anointed David King, and David had done nothing wrong, and even though he had the strength with his “mighty men” to take Saul head-on, David allowed Saul to chase him, and trusted God to 1. protect him, 2. deliver him from Saul, and 3. establish him as king in God’s time. Even when David had the chance to kill Saul – which would end it all and fulfill by his own hand God’s declaration that he would be king – David chose to let God act and fulfill His word, rather than taking things into His own hands.
David’s testimony spoke volumes to Saul, with Saul admitting to himself and publicly what he probably already knew in his heart, that David would surely become the King. David’s allowing himself to be weak and leave things in God’s hands, ultimately showed God’s strength to the nation of Israel, and was a testimony that Saul could not refute.
And, in the end, God dealt with Saul and David became king.
Additional reading: “Saul Hunts David”
41 May Your lovingkindnesses also come to me, O Lord,
Your salvation according to Your word;
42 So I will have an answer for him who reproaches me,
For I trust in Your word.
For those of us who have tried to defend ourselves in the face of a narcissist’s* attack, we have typically seen that it does not work. Any defense we make usually just gives the N additional ammunition. Continue reading
Psalm 34:4-74 I sought the Lord, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
5 They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
And saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,
And rescues them.
94 O Lord, God of vengeance,
God of vengeance, shine forth!
2 Rise up, O Judge of the earth,
Render recompense to the proud.
3 How long shall the wicked, O Lord,
How long shall the wicked exult?
4 They pour forth words, they speak arrogantly;
All who do wickedness vaunt themselves.
5 They crush Your people, O Lord,
And afflict Your heritage.
6 They slay the widow and the [d]stranger
And murder the orphans.
7 They have said, “The Lord does not see,
Nor does the God of Jacob pay heed.”
8 Pay heed, you senseless among the people;
And when will you understand, stupid ones?
9 He who planted the ear, does He not hear?
He who formed the eye, does He not see?
.Romans 14:12 – So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God..1 Peter 4:5 – but they will give account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead..Galatians 6:7 – Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap..Hebrews 10:30 – For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge His people.”.