» Proverbs 29:25 Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

As we discussed in an earlier post, co-dependency is a fuzzy pop-psychology term. The more precise Biblical concept is that of someone becoming a “slave of men” (I Corinthians 7:23) by subsuming their inner self to another person, rather than to God. But we will use the term codependent interchangeably as shorthand.

How do we know that this phrase did not refer to the physical slavery of the day? We know it because Paul made several other clear statements that while it is better to be free, it was also ok to be a slave.

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Were you called while a slave? Do not worry about it; but if you are able also to become free, rather do that. For he who was called in the Lord while a slave, is the Lord’s freedman; likewise he who was called while free, is Christ’s slave. I Corinthians 7:22-23

In fact, slaves were to not just chafe under their masters, but seek to honor the Lord in the situation.

All who are under the yoke as slaves are to regard their own masters as worthy of all honor so that the name of God and our doctrine will not be spoken against. I Timothy 6:1

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Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Colossians 3:22

Paul could make these statements, because slavery was a feature of his era’s economic system, not focused on the control of people’s inward selves but their outward performance. In fact, in Christ everyone was equal irrespective of their socio-economic status.

a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman, but Christ is all, and in all. Colossians 3:11

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28

Therefore, Paul’s admonition to “not become slaves of men” referred to who we are as a person, who we are on the inside, how we live our lives before God and with others. We are not to subsume who we are on the inside to someone else.

All scripture taken in isolation is subject to misinterpretation and abuse. “Do not become slaves of men” could easily be twisted to mean, “no one will rule over me” (including God-given authority), leading to “I can do whatever I want”, or “I should exit any relationship that restricts my freedom”. This does not mean that. We are referring to an inward freedom to be yourself and the person God wants you to be, regardless of the circumstances.

There are different tactics a “slave master” might use to make someone their slave (codependent). For example,

Bullying
Manipulation
Use of fake authority
Abuse of true authority

Underneath the success of all of these is an element of the fear of man on the part of the codependent person – worried about what the other person thinks of you or can do to you, rather than what God thinks of you or can do to you. Proverbs says,

The fear of man brings a snare,
But he who trusts in the Lord will be exalted. Proverbs 29:25

and Jesus said

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“I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who, after He has killed, has authority to cast into hell; yes, I tell you, fear Him! Luke 12:4-5

As narcissists have an inner drive to be the unquestioned #1 around which others’ lives orbit, they are particularly driven to make others their emotional or physical slaves. It is difficult for them to achieve that with “hard targets” (those who are on to them or not afraid of them), so they focus on available “soft targets”. And one of the easiest of soft targets are their own children.

Next up: Possible paths to co-dependency