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You may occasionally be surprised when a narcissistic “friend” fails to be happy for, or even acknowledge, some accomplishment in your life. An exception might occur if they have already done the same thing before you, or at a higher level than you. In that case, your accomplishment provides them with the opportunity to boast about what they did first or better.
Two examples from narcissists in the Bible illustrate this point:
The first came from Jesus’ parable of the “prodigal son”, where Jesus described the narcissistic brother of the lost son this way as the prodigal son returned:
“Now his older son was in the field, and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. And he summoned one of the servants and began inquiring what these things could be. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has slaughtered the fattened calf because he has received him back safe and sound.’
But he became angry and was not willing to go in; and his father came out and began pleading with him. But he answered and said to his father, ‘Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you never gave me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends;
Luke 15:25-29
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The older brother – who owned the full remaining inheritance after his little brother squandered his portion – was focused on what he did not get instead of celebrating his brother’s return.
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Another prime example is the Pharisees’ unwillingness to acknowledge the Messiah – Jesus – when He came. They were jealous of His success and chided each other for losing their status among the people,
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For this reason [the healing of Lazarus] also the people went to meet Him, because they heard that He had performed this sign. So the Pharisees said to one another, “You see that you are not accomplishing anything; look, the world has gone after Him!”
John 12:18-19
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in another instance, instead of being happy when a man was healed on a Sabbath (John 5:1-18), the Pharisees immediately began to criticize that it had happened on the Sabbath – looking for some spurious reason with which to undermine the miracle.
Failure to acknowledge another’s success – or going further to tear down or undermine it fits with the narcissistic modus operandi – in the insolent pride of their heart they must be first, best, top dog, ahead of you. Everyone else’s purpose is to support their exaltation – and nothing less can be tolerated.
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In contrast to the Pharisees, John (the Baptist) – whom Jesus described as the greatest man who ever lived (Matthew 11:11) – readily deferred to Jesus when He came on the scene:
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And they came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, He who was with you beyond the Jordan, to whom you have testified—behold, He is baptizing and all the people are coming to Him.” John replied, “A person can receive not even one thing unless it has been given to him from heaven.
You yourselves are my witnesses that I said, ‘I am not the Christ,’ but, ‘I have been sent ahead of Him.’ He who has the bride is the groom; but the friend of the groom, who stands and listens to him, rejoices greatly because of the groom’s voice. So this joy of mine has been made full.
He must increase, but I must decrease.
John 3:26-30
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To those who have experienced this – we need not worry. God sees and rewards actions which flow out of a right heart of love, and even if a narcissist ignores, discounts, or destroys your accomplishment in the eyes of man, God will have the last say – as He always does.
We do not need to defend ourselves or make sure we are acknowledged or recognized – God will take care of that in His way and in His time. Ultimately God wants others to see that the true accomplishment was Him working in our lives – demonstrating it in a way that points people to Him, so that they can also experience His love and goodness for them.
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Your light must shine before people in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Matthew 5:16
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