Psalm 3 is traditionally attributed to King David, written during one of the most tumultuous periods of his life—his flight from his son Absalom, who led a rebellion against him (2 Samuel 15-18). We discussed in previous blog posts how David’s son Absalom was a narcissist raised up by GOD as discipline to David for his adultery with Bathsheba and the killing of her husband Uriah.
Even though David was complicit in creating his difficulty, he still had to deal with a narcissist – one from his own family – who was trying to bring him down and destroy him. He did not simply say, “I caused it, I will just let it happen”. He brought GOD right into the middle of it, and this prayer was part of that process.
David’s situation was dire: he was betrayed by trusted advisors, abandoned by followers, and forced to flee Jerusalem. This psalm reflects his deep distress, personal vulnerability, and unwavering trust in God despite overwhelming circumstances.
Verses 1-2: A Cry of Distress
David begins by acknowledging his desperate situation. He laments the growing number of enemies rising against him, emphasizing that many people are saying he has no hope in God’s deliverance:
“O Lord, how my adversaries have increased! Many are rising up against me. Many are saying of my soul, ‘There is no deliverance for him in God.’” (vv. 1-2)
Verses 3-4: Confidence in God’s Protection
Despite his predicament, David expresses confidence in God’s protection. He declares that God is his shield, source of glory, and the one who lifts his head in honor. David recalls crying out to the Lord and receiving an answer from His holy mountain, symbolizing God’s sovereign presence:
“But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain.” (vv. 3-4)
Verses 5-6: Trust in God’s Sustenance
David’s faith allows him to find peace and rest even in the face of mortal danger. He attributes his ability to sleep peacefully to God’s sustaining power, declaring he will not fear, regardless of how many enemies surround him:
“I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustains me. I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me round about.” (vv. 5-6)
Verses 7-8: A Call for Deliverance and Victory
David calls on God to rise and deliver him, using battle imagery to describe God’s power over his enemies. He ends the psalm with a declaration that salvation belongs to the Lord, and he asks for God’s blessing upon His people:
“Arise, O Lord; save me, O my God! For You have smitten all my enemies on the cheek; You have shattered the teeth of the wicked. Salvation belongs to the Lord; Your blessing be upon Your people!” (vv. 7-8)
Psalm 3 serves as both a personal lament and a declaration of faith, offering comfort to believers facing trials by reminding them of God’s protection and deliverance.
Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
Psalm 34 was written (around 1021 BC) after David’s dramatic escape from the Philistine King Abimelech, also known as Achish, in Gath. David had fled to Gath to escape King Saul, who was pursuing him with the intent to kill him. Even though he had successfully fled Saul, David realized he was in danger in Gath as well, since the Philistines recognized him as the famed Israelite warrior who had defeated Goliath and led successful military campaigns against them. Think about this as you read it – David not only fled from his narcissist (Saul)(1), but then had to deal with the serious and dangerous aftermath of that fleeing. One might become extra bitter in that situation – but not David.
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To save himself, David pretended to be insane, letting saliva run down his beard and scratching at doors, which led Abimelech to dismiss him as harmless and release him (1 Samuel 21:10–15).
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Psalm 34 is David’s response of gratitude to God for delivering him from this perilous situation. It serves as both a personal thanksgiving and an instructional piece, urging others to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (verse 8). David uses his experience to emphasize themes of God’s protection, the value of fearing the Lord, and the assurance that God is near to the brokenhearted and those crushed in spirit.
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Throughout the psalm, David also calls others to praise and seek refuge in God, highlighting that God hears the prayers of the righteous and saves them from their troubles. The psalm encourages readers to place their trust in God, who redeems and protects His people even in seemingly hopeless circumstances.
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Psalm 34 – A Psalm of David when he feigned madness before Abimelech, who drove him away and he departed.
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I will bless the Lord at all times;His praise shall continually be in my mouth.2 My soul will make its boast in the Lord;The humble will hear it and rejoice.3 O magnify the Lord with me,And let us exalt His name together.
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What did David do in his situation? He sought the Lord and cried out to Him to save him.
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4 I sought the Lord, and He answered me,And delivered me from all my fears.5 They looked to Him and were radiant,And their faces will never be ashamed.6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard himAnd saved him out of all his troubles.7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,And rescues them.
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As a result David, saw for himself once again that God is good – and that He showers that goodness especially on those who fear Him and take refuge in Him.
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8 O taste and see that the Lord is good;How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!9 O fear the Lord, you His saints;For to those who fear Him there is no want.10 The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.
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David then gives a little thumbnail sketch on how to fear the Lord. First, keep your tongue from evil and deceit. Second, stop doing evil things. Third, start doing good things. Fourth, seek and pursue peace – with yourself, with GOD, and with others.
11 Come, you children, listen to me;I will teach you the fear of the Lord.12 Who is the man who desires lifeAnd loves length of days that he may see good?13 Keep your tongue from evilAnd your lips from speaking deceit.14 Depart from evil and do good;Seek peace and pursue it.
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David then once again encourages the righteous to cry out to Him for HELP! Even though He is against evildoers He very much hears and will listen to the the righteous and those who are brokenhearted and crushed in spirit. The first step in dealing with an N is to cry out to GOD for help. You may not see the answer in the next 10 minutes, but it can be the start of GOD leading you through your situation.
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15 The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteousAnd His ears are open to their cry.16 The face of the Lord is against evildoers,To cut off the memory of them from the earth.17 The righteous cry, and the Lord hearsAnd delivers them out of all their troubles.18 The Lord is near to the brokenheartedAnd saves those who are crushed in spirit.
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David ends by reminding himself and others – as proven by his rescue from Abimelech – that GOD will ultimately deliver the soul of the righteous and deal retribution to the evil.
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19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,But the Lord delivers him out of them all.20 He keeps all his bones,Not one of them is broken.21 Evil shall slay the wicked,And those who hate the righteous will be condemned.22 The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,And none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.
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Yes, your situation with your narcissist is very different that David having to flee from Saul and then escape from Abimelech. But the basic principles which David applied can be revelant to you. Give it some thought.
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Note 1: I want to emphasize that David’s solution with Saul was to flee for his life. That does not mean that David’s solution is our solution. This website has various blog posts discussing this.
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Note 2: In spite my good intentions I have not been blogging much due to the ongoing press of everyday life. I’m also working hard on a book with a title along the lines of “Do Not Become Slaves of Men: A Biblical Perspective On Codependency” (or something like that). I’m peddling as fast as I can :).
Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
As we have said previously, Saul was one of the narcissists in David’s life – one with significant power over David since he was the king. David wrote several Psalms in connection to his dealings with Saul, including Psalm 59.
The introductory statement of Psalm 59 says:
“For the choir director; set to Al-tashheth. A Mikhtam of David, when Saul sent men and they watched the house in order to kill him.”
This heading provides context for the psalm, situating it during a specific event in David’s life when King Saul sent men to watch David’s house and capture him with the intent to kill him. This incident is recorded in 1 Samuel 19:11-18.
David was serving in King Saul’s court, but Saul had grown increasingly jealous of David due to his military successes and popularity with the people. Saul’s jealousy turned into murderous intent. In 1 Samuel 19:11, Saul sent men to watch David’s house and kill him in the morning. David’s wife, Michal (who was also Saul’s daughter), warned David and helped him escape by letting him down through a window. She then used an idol and a bed covering to trick the men into thinking David was still in bed, buying David time to flee.
David’s escape and the danger he faced are what prompted him to write Psalm 59. The psalm reflects David’s feelings of being surrounded by enemies and his reliance on God for protection and deliverance.
This context provides a powerful backdrop to the themes of Psalm 59, where David prays for deliverance from his enemies and expresses his trust in God’s protection.
Some excerpts of how David prayed:
He prayed for GOD to deliver him
Deliver me from my enemies, O my God;Set me securely on high away from those who rise up against me.Deliver me from those who do iniquityAnd save me from men of bloodshed.For behold, they have set an ambush for my life
Psalm 59:1-3
David told GOD of his innocence, asked Him to see what’s going on, and cried for help
Fierce men [Saul’s henchmen] launch an attack against me,Not for my transgression nor for my sin, O Lord,For no guilt of mine, they run and set themselves against me.Arouse Yourself to help me, and see!You, O Lord God of hosts, the God of Israel,Awake to punish all the nations
Psalm 59:3-5
David told GOD that because of Saul’s strength, David would look to GOD for his help and protection. And he was confident that GOD would, out of His goodness, take care of him.
Because of his strength I will watch for You,For God is my stronghold.My God in His lovingkindness will meet me;God will let me look triumphantly upon my foes.
Psalm 59:9-10
David specifically asked GOD to judge his enemies for their lying and cursing words and pride.
Do not slay them, or my people will forget;Scatter them by Your power, and bring them down,O Lord, our shield.On account of the sin of their mouth and the words of their lips,Let them even be caught in their pride,And on account of curses and lies which they utter.
Psalm 59:11-12
And finally, David looked ahead – in faith that GOD would answer – and praised GOD for His strength and kindness, knowing that GOD would protect him.
But as for me, I shall sing of Your strength;Yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your lovingkindness in the morning,For You have been my strongholdAnd a refuge in the day of my distress.O my strength, I will sing praises to You;For God is my stronghold, the God who shows me lovingkindness.
Psalm 59:16-17
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GOD did rescue David in this situation, and ultimately completely delivered him from Saul.
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If you are in a similar situation, pray this Psalm – you can use David’s exact words in talking to GOD about it.
Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
Many times in our struggle with a narcissist, they find some little thing wrong with what we have done, how we have done it, or in our attitude. They will use that to attack, condemn, or undermine us. They’re focused on our speck, not their log (Matthew 7:3-5).
But other times, we may find ourselves under attack when we have done nothing wrong.
GOD wants to refine us in the process, but He also can be our defender. We should always examine ourselves, but we can also ask GOD to vindicate us. David knew this, and prayed prayers such as:
The Lord judges the peoples; Vindicate me, O Lord, according to my righteousness and my integrity that is in me.
Psalm 7:8
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Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity, And I have trusted in the Lord without wavering.
Psalm 26:1
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When David was fleeing at the hands of one of the narcissists in his life – King Saul – he found himself in the land of the Ziphites. The Ziphites went and told Saul that he was there – putting David at deeper risk. David had done absolutely nothing wrong to land himself in that situation. What could he do?
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He prayed this:
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(“For the choir director; on stringed instruments. A Maskil of David, when the Ziphites came and said to Saul, “Is not David hiding himself among us?”)
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Save me, O God, by Your name, And vindicate me by Your power.
Psalm 54:1
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In the end, GOD is far bigger than the narcissist in our life. HE is the one that can rescue us and save us – He can do far more than we ever could.
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In the end, GOD did save David out of Saul’s hands. Saul died, and David became king – but GOD did it, not David.
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
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Note: The phrase “pray strong” may give the wrong impression, as of course it is GOD’s strength that matters. The point is that we can ask the God of the universe for His help in specific ways that can make a huge difference.
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When we are in a difficult situation with a narcissist we are sometimes given the prescription to “pray about it”. This might be given with good intentions, but often without real understanding of what’s going on. It’s always appropriate to bring God right into the middle of our problems. But how we pray makes all the difference.
There are a few ways we can pray through our N challenge. One is how we pray for ourselves. Another is how we pray about specific ways of navigating our interface with them, or dealing with the fallout of the turmoil they create. And yet another is how we pray for them. This Part 2 gives an introduction of how to pray through the situation.
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God designed “need” to motivate us to seek Him, and walk with Him in a moment by moment manner. “Need” started even in the Garden of Eden, before sin entered the world. Adam and Eve were dependent on God. Man has always sought to escape need. For example, we want to have a bank account big enough (although it’s never big enough) that we don’t need to worry. I have a phrase I am praying for myself and my family that we would turn every need into prayer.
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This part 2 of “praying strong” is about praying for practical solutions in our situation with our narcissist. The theme scripture for this post is:
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The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months.Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit.
James 5:16a-18
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There are times when we can “avoid” a narcissist, but other times when we cannot. What do we do then? I will illustrate my point with a situation from one of my sons (early 20’s) which has happened over this past year.
“J” took a new job last September working for someone who he considers to be a great (i.e. – easy to work for) boss in a tiny company. However, that boss needed a second worker, and one month into J’s job the boss hired what proved to be a classic, big-time narcissist, “R”. I will not go into the attitudes, traits, and actions that demonstrate the extent of “R’s” narcissism, but let’s just say that “R” would rank high on anyone’s scale. “J” is aware of the traits of narcissists, but even with that it took a couple of months for “R’s” full colors to reveal themselves. What was “J” to do? Quit his job to get away? Complain to the boss?
In a large company you might be able to change departments to get away from a toxic co-worker, but in a tiny company that is not possible. The path chosen was to ask God for for day-to-day practical solutions, while at the same time praying about a longer term fix.
We tend to be lazy in our praying, and also tend to NOT want to seek God. That results in us praying feebly for a monolithic, magic-bullet, single solution that solves EVERYTHING with the least amount prayer and work on our part. (And many times we do not pray at all, and simply think about how we can take things into our own hands to save ourselves from a situation).
We pray something like “God, deliver me from this situation”. There is nothing wrong with that kind of prayer. But God may also want us to walk hand-in-hand with Him THROUGH the situation, praying specific prayers for God’s specific help in situations created by our toxic narcissist.
The list of what this might be is endless. Every difficulty – even the most minor – in our lives is an opportunity for God to show His goodness and power, further revealing facets of His glory. Each is similar to the common trouble we all face…..
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No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
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…. but like the endless variety of snowflakes, each difficulty is a unique opportunity for God to show Himself strong on our behalf
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9 For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.
2 Chronicles 16:9
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You can identify the specific NEEDS and difficulties which have been created through the N’s self-centered actions, and ask God for specific solutions to meet those needs and solve those difficulties. God is bigger than your narcissist and your situation, and irrespective of your N’s intent, HE is able to thwart and counter. Why not give God a chance to show what He can do?
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Back to our example, during this past year, “J” and his prayer support base asked God to intervene in specific ways to thwart, to shield, to counter, to make up for, and to protect against specific circumstances created by “R”, the big-time narcissist. We also prayed that God would reveal to the kind but oblivious boss “R’s” true nature, character, and horrible work ethic, so that he could replace “R” with a decent employee. Over the course of the year, God answered in many specific and clear ways on “J’s” behalf, even though “R” did not change his nature one bit. In addition, while “J” persevered in his current trial, God also in the end also provided a new job opportunity where he could take his lessons learned and move forward into his adult career path.
We may say, “why do I have to go through this, and go to all this work?” Or, we may say, “I tried that, and it did not work”. Yes, our nature is to NOT persevere – we do not want the hassle. The alternative is to leave God out of it, take things into our hands, and find our own solutions – but that path will include consequences. God is constantly working for us to seek Him, to know Him, and to trust Him. HE is not going to give up on that. It is up to us how we respond. We can seek His help or not – it’s up to us. But we should remember that we are ignoring the help of the One who knows everything, who is all-wise, who has our good in mind – and has the power to create the universe.
This practice of praying specific “tactical” prayers in dealing with evil has application beyond individual situations with a narc. It sure appears that evil is on the increase in our society. We cannot avoid it. The lessons we can learn in praying practically through situations with a narcissist can be very useful as we navigate this present evil world.
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Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally
Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
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Note: there are times when the prescription for dealing with an N is to avoid them. This post is for those times when we cannot do that.
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When we are in a difficult situation with a narcissist we might be given the prescription to “pray about it”. This might be given with good intentions, but often without real understanding of what’s going on. It’s always appropriate to bring God right into the middle of our problems. But how we pray makes all the difference.
There are a few ways we can pray through our N challenge. One is how we pray for ourselves. Another is how we pray about specific ways of navigating our interface with them, or dealing with the fallout of the turmoil they create. And yet another is how we pray for them. This Part 1 gives an introduction of how we pray for them.
Jesus made the following difficult statement:
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“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
Matthew 5:43-45
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Some people have criticized the Biblical approach to dealing with narcissists by suggesting that it’s simply a posture of passively allowing ourselves to be beaten up. Jesus’s statement above and his statement just prior to “turn the other cheek” might be construed as advocating just that. However, this critique looks at things on simply a human “me vs. them” plane, and leaves out the fact that we can invite the God who has the power to create and hold together the entire universe right into the middle of our struggle.
Jesus’ admonition to “pray for those who persecute you” did not describe “how” to pray. How we pray makes all the difference. For example, David prayed for his enemies like this in Psalm 35,
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Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me;Fight against those who fight against me.2 Take hold of buckler and shieldAnd rise up for my help.
3 Draw also the spear and the battle-axe to meet those who pursue me;Say to my soul, “I am your salvation.”4 Let those be ashamed and dishonored who seek my life;Let those be turned back and humiliated who devise evil against me.
5 Let them be like chaff before the wind,With the angel of the Lord driving them on.6 Let their way be dark and slippery,With the angel of the Lord pursuing them.7 For without cause they hid their net for me;Without cause they dug a pit for my soul.
8 Let destruction come upon him unawares,And let the net which he hid catch himself;Into that very destruction let him fall.
Psalm 35:1-8
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I suggest you read the entire Psalm 35. God says in Romans 12:19 (quoting Deuteronomy 32:35) that “vengeance is Mine, I will repay.” Our job is to do good, God’s job is to defend us and execute justice – as only He can do with complete wisdom. David focused on doing right, and prayed that God would deal with his enemies.
Can we also pray in a strong way for our narcissist, that does them good? The answer is yes.
The narcissist’s greatest need is to humble themselves before the almighty God of the universe. Their insolent pride torments us, but you can be sure that God feels more strongly about it than we do. God demonstrated His ability to humble those who walk in pride by humbling the greatest man in the world of the time – King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon. God dealt with Nebuchadnezzar over a period of 30 years, continuing to reveal Himself and help Nebuchadnezzar understand his place before God. In the end, God took very strong action for Nebuchadnezzar to finally recognize God as the Lord, by making Nebuchadnezzar insane and living like an animal for 7 years until he finally submitted. The result was this amazing statement by Nebuchadnezzar:
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34 “But at the end of that period, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High and praised and honored Him who lives forever;
For His dominion is an everlasting dominion,And His kingdom endures from generation to generation.35 “All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing,But He does according to His will in the host of heavenAnd among the inhabitants of earth;And no one can ward off His handOr say to Him, ‘What have You done?’
36 At that time my reason returned to me. And my majesty and splendor were restored to me for the glory of my kingdom, and my counselors and my nobles began seeking me out; so I was reestablished in my sovereignty, and surpassing greatness was added to me.
37 Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise, exalt and honor the King of heaven, for all His works are true and His ways just,
and He is able to humble those who walk in pride.”
Daniel 4
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Part of Nebuchadnezzar’s humbling process was God’s persistent revelation of His greatness and glory, as discussed in Ephesians 1.
Jesus tells us to pray for our narcissist, but why not pray strongly? First pray that God would protect us from them and that their attempts to harm us would fail. Second, pray that God would humble them and enlighten their eyes to see God’s greatness and themselves in light of that greatness. And third, to make sure our hearts are right and to act as “sons of light”, we can also pray for a specific need they may have – either for their salvation, or some practical need.
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If you are married to someone who is a genuine Christian, but still has the residual narcissistic blind spots from their “old man” (Romans 6), ask God to reveal it to them, convict them of it, and bring them to genuine repentance.
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Pray for your narcissist – but pray strongly.
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Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally.
Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
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Let’s do a little exercise on how to increase your Biblical perspective on a subject – it could be any subject – using “insolent pride” (the Biblical term for narcissism) as the example.
If you are starting from zero, it is impossible to immediately have the entire Biblical perspective right at the beginning. You can only start with one piece, add another piece, and another piece, until a picture forms. Consider it like building a wall brick by brick, or a painting brush-stroke by brush-stroke, or even a Lego figure lego-brick by lego-brick. You analyze and interpret each brick, but also compare how it fits in with the next brick. If you do not understand where a particular brick fits, you may have to set it aside until you see how it fits into the emerging figure.
Are there any guideposts that keep you on track at the very beginning? You could use a picture of the finished work. In the case of a Biblical perspective on something, the ultimate finished work is the nature and character of God, especially as shown through the revelation of His Son, Jesus Christ. Key verses like I John 4:10, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 5:8, and John 3:16 provide foundational guideposts.
Let’s take a shot at how this brick building might work, using Psalm 119.
Psalm 119 talks about those with insolent pride. How do we know this? While the English word is “pride”, the Hebrew word (found through resources like http://www.biblehub.com) “zed” is the word for “insolent pride”.
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Strong’s Concordance
zed: insolent, presumptuous
Original Word: זֵדDefinition: insolent, presumptuous
from zudDefinition: insolent, presumptuous
NASB Translation: arrogant (9), arrogant men (1), presumptuous (1), proud (2).
KJV Translation: proud
Looking at each instance where “zed” is used in Psalm 119, we find the following verses – and what they tell us about 1. narcissists, 2. how God deals with them, and/or 3. how we should we respond.
Here we go. Remember that each use of the word “proud” below is “zed” – or insolent pride. The following is from the King James Version.
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Psalm 119:21 – Thou hast rebuked the proud that are cursed, which do err from thy commandments.
God rebukes narcissists
They are “cursed” – either in this life (God opposes the proud) through failure, and/or in the next life through spending eternity in hell
Narcissists do NOT do what God says (even though they may claim or pretend to)
Psalm 119:51 – The proud have had me greatly in derision: yet have I not declined from thy law.
Narcissists heavily scorned, mocked, looked down on, and criticized David (Hebrew word is “lits” – the same as scoffer, one of the other terms for narcissists) – BUT
David did not use that attack from the narcissists as an excuse to walk away from God and his instructions for life
Psalm 119:69 –The proud have forged a lie against me: but I will keep thy precepts with my whole heart.
Narcissists created (“forged”) lies against David – BUT
Rather than focus on fighting the lies, David put his attention on wholeheartedly following God and doing what He said
Psalm 119:78 – Let the proud be ashamed; for they dealt perversely with me without a cause: but I will meditate in thy precepts.
Because narcissists twisted the truth and undermined David – even though he was innocent – David asked God to cause them fail in a humbling way that embarrassed and humiliated them – BUT
While GOD was dealing with narcissists in response to his prayer, David focused his attention in meditation on God’s word and how HE wanted David to live
Psalm 119:85 – The proud have digged pits for me, which are not after thy law.
This one is a little unclear in the KJV – the NASB says it this way “The arrogant have dug pits for me, people who are not in accord with Your Law.”
Narcissists do not walk according to God’s ways (although they may say that they do – ie they are hypocrites).
They dig pits (create traps, try to undermine) others
Psalm 119:122 – Be surety for thy servant for good: let not the proud oppress me.
David asked God to promise good for him, backed by His own Person – (reputation, glory, blood if needed) – AND
Part of that promise would be for God to prevent narcissists from oppressing him. He looked to God in specific prayer for HIS protection.
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There we are. How many things did we learn about dealing with narcissists just from Psalm 119? I count 14 – maybe you count a couple more or a few less. Anyway, this is how a Biblical perspective is developed, line upon line.
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But the word of the LORD was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little ‘
Isaiah 28:13
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Once again, when starting out do not come to a locked-in conclusion, until you have many pieces which make sense together. If something does not make sense, set it aside until God further reveals it. Do NOT develop your theology based on just a couple of verses. We interpret every part of the Bible through consistency with the WHOLE Bible. This takes a lifetime, but the effort and journey is worth it.
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Click here for the initial steps on how to know God personally
Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
But it also invites the Lord to cut them off, and describes how, ultimately, God will protect His people from these evil people.
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12 Help, Lord, for the godly man ceases to be,For the faithful disappear from among the sons of men.2 They speak falsehood to one another;With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak.
3 May the Lord cut off all flattering lips,The tongue that speaks great things;4 Who have said, “With our tongue we will prevail;Our lips are our own; who is lord over us?”5 “Because of the devastation of the afflicted, because of the groaning of the needy,Now I will arise,” says the Lord; “I will set him in the safety for which he longs.”
6 The words of the Lord are pure words;As silver tried in a furnace on the earth, refined seven times.7 You, O Lord, will keep them;You will preserve him from this generation forever.8 The wicked strut about on every sideWhen vileness is exalted among the sons of men.
Psalm 12
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* Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible describes as “insolent pride” (see here)
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
There are some Psalms that I “own”. What I mean by that is that I have lived and felt a few Psalms to a depth far beyond reading and even memorizing, to a point where they truly became an expression of my crying out to God. One of those is Psalm 42, coming to the forefront maybe four or five times throughout my life. I memorized it over time, and have used it as a direct expression to God.
Psalms do not always give us “answers”, but almost always point us to the One with the answers. While the Bible provides us with much wisdom for living successfully, life is ultimately about our drawing near to and personally knowing the God of the universe. Crying out to Him is the often the first step in His process of working through a very difficult time – first emphasizing a relationship with our Heavenly Father, with answers to follow. Here’s Psalm 42:
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As the deer pants for the water brooks,So my soul pants for You, O God.2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;When shall I come and appear before God?My tears have been my food day and night,While they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God,With the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.
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5 Why are you in despair, O my soul?And why have you become disturbed within me?Hope in God, for I shall again praise HimFor the help of His presence.O my God, my soul is in despair within me;Therefore I remember You from the land of the JordanAnd the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls;All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me.
The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime;And His song will be with me in the night,A prayer to the God of my life.
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9 I will say to God my rock, “Why have You forgotten me?Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me,While they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
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Why are you in despair, O my soul?And why have you become disturbed within me?Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,The help of my countenance and my God.
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
In the midst of our pain in dealing with the narcissist in our life, relevant Psalms are not only a source of insight and comfort into God’s ultimate dealing with them, but can at the same time be a great way to express what is in our heart. Just expressing what we are feeling in a way that is in sync with God’s perspective can itself be a source of comfort. Psalm 10 is one of those Psalms.
Why do You stand afar off, O Lord? Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?
. 2 In pride the wicked hotly pursue the afflicted; Let them be caught in the plots which they have devised.
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3 For the wicked boasts of his heart’s desire, And the greedy man curses and spurns the Lord. 4 The wicked, in the haughtiness of his countenance, does not seek Him. All his thoughts are, “There is no God.”
O Lord, God of vengeance, God of vengeance, shine forth! 2 Rise up, O Judge of the earth, Render recompense to the proud. 3 How long shall the wicked, O Lord, How long shall the wicked exult? 4 They pour forth words, they speak arrogantly; All who do wickedness vaunt themselves. 5 They crush Your people, O Lord, And afflict Your heritage. 6 They slay the widow and the [d]stranger And murder the orphans. 7 They have said, “The Lord does not see, Nor does the God of Jacob pay heed.”
8 Pay heed, you senseless among the people; And when will you understand, stupid ones? 9 He who planted the ear, does He not hear? He who formed the eye, does He not see?
91 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most HighWill abide in the shadow of the Almighty.2 I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,My God, in whom I trust!”
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3 For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapperAnd from the deadly pestilence.4 He will cover you with His pinions,And under His wings you may seek refuge;His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.
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5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night,Or of the arrow that flies by day;6 Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.
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7 A thousand may fall at your sideAnd ten thousand at your right hand,But it shall not approach you.8 You will only look on with your eyesAnd see the recompense of the wicked.
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9 For you have made the Lord, my refuge,Even the Most High, your dwelling place.10 No evil will befall you,Nor will any plague come near your tent.
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11 For He will give His angels charge concerning you,To guard you in all your ways.12 They will bear you up in their hands,That you do not strike your foot against a stone.13 You will tread upon the lion and cobra,The young lion and the serpent you will trample down.
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14 “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.15 “He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;I will be with him in trouble;I will rescue him and honor him.16 “With a long life I will satisfy himAnd let him see My salvation.”
Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
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David dealt with three big narcissists in his life – his oldest brother Eliab, his benefactor Saul, and his son Absalom. As David was “a man after God’s heart” who turned his hurts into prayers, it is divinely natural for David to talk to God about those in his life with insolent pride. These prayers in the Psalms provide a range of examples for how we can pray in our own difficult situations.
One example is in Psalm 86:14-17
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O God, arrogant men have risen up against me,And a band of violent men have sought my life,And they have not set You before them.But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth.Turn to me, and be gracious to me;Oh grant Your strength to Your servant,And save the son of Your handmaid.Show me a sign for good,That those who hate me may see it and be ashamed,Because You, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.
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The word David uses for “arrogant” in verse 14 is “zed”, the same word for insolent pride found in Proverbs 21:24 – “proud, haughty, scoffer, are his names who acts with insolent pride”.
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David specifically prayed for 4 things.
“Turn to me and gracious to me” – David humbly asked God for His gracious help
“Grant Your strength to Your servant – David didn’t ask that he would be stronger, but that God would give David HIS strength – a much stronger strength
“Save the son of Your handmaid” – David cried to God, “save me!”
“Show me a sign for good, that those who hate me may see it and be ashamed”
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This last one is particular interesting. David asked God to do something special for him that would prove to the arrogant narcissist that God was on his side.
Narcissists are in a power play with their targets in a quest for dominance. This leaves the target with two “natural” choices – fight back to win, or acquiesce and be a doormat. (In some cases you can avoid them – see here). But there is another option – rather than do head to head battle with someone seeking superiority, David showed that we can invite God into the picture. God can exalt us in front the narcissist in a way that puts the narcissist in his place.
This sign of favor may not always come on our timetable, but just as God will ultimately show with Jesus, it will come.
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Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name,so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth,and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:5-11
A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.
Why do You stand afar off, O Lord? Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble? 2 In pride the wicked hotly pursue the afflicted; Let them be caught in the plots which they have devised.
3 For the wicked boasts of his heart’s desire, And the greedy man curses and spurns the Lord. 4 The wicked, in the haughtiness of his countenance,does not seek Him. All his thoughts are, “There is no God.”
5 His ways prosper at all times; Your judgments are on high, out of his sight; As for all his adversaries, he snorts at them. 6 He says to himself, “I will not be moved; Throughout all generations I will not be in adversity.” 7 His mouth is full of curses and deceit and oppression;
17 Hear a just cause, O Lord, give heed to my cry; Give ear to my prayer, which is not from deceitful lips. 2 Let my judgment come forth from Your presence; Let Your eyes look with equity.
3 You have tried my heart; You have visited me by night; You have tested me and You find nothing; I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress. 4 As for the deeds of men, by the word of Your lips I have kept from the paths of the violent. 5 My steps have held fast to Your paths. My feet have not slipped.
6 I have called upon You, for You will answer me, O God; Incline Your ear to me, hear my speech. 7 Wondrously show Your lovingkindness, O Savior of those who take refuge at Your right hand From those who rise up against them. 8 Keep me as the apple of the eye; Hide me in the shadow of Your wings 9 From the wicked who despoil me, My deadly enemies who surround me.
10 They have closed their unfeeling heart, With their mouth they speak proudly. 11 They have now surrounded us in our steps; They set their eyes to cast us down to the ground. 12 He is like a lion that is eager to tear, And as a young lion lurking in hiding places.
13 Arise, O Lord, confront him, bring him low; Deliver my soul from the wicked with Your sword, 14 From men with Your hand, O Lord, From men of the world, whose portion is in this life, And whose belly You fill with Your treasure; They are satisfied with children, And leave their abundance to their babes. 15 As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness; I will be satisfied with Your likeness when I awake.
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