Can Narcissists Change? – Introduction

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A big question for those who are dealing with a narcissist / those with insolent pride is often “Is there any hope”?   They are hoping in the midst of their despair that somehow things will change.  While hope can come in different forms,  what they often mean by this is “Will this person (narcissist) ever change?”.   The short answer is …… it IS possible:

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Matthew 19:26 –And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

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Daniel 4:37 – Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise, exalt and honor the King of heaven, for all His works are true and His ways just, and He is able to humble those who walk in pride.”
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In the case of Nebuchadnezzar, God spent 7 years taking the proudest, most powerful person in the world and humbling him – clearly demonstrating His ability to do it.   “All things are possible with God”, and if He could humble Nebuchadnezzar, He can humble anyone.

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God has also warned scoffers to give up their scoffing (see here on how we know that scoffers are the same as narcissists)
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Proverbs 1:22-23
 

22 “How long, O naive ones, will you love being simple-minded?
And scoffers delight themselves in scoffing
And fools hate knowledge?
23 “Turn to my reproof,
Behold, I will pour out my spirit on you;
I will make my words known to you.

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And in the case of the Pharisees, God warned them a half a millenium ahead of time to give up their scoffing / insolent pride (see Isiaah 28, more on this later).  He would not warn narcissists to give up their insolent pride, if it were not possible to do so.   But, of course, some will refuse to give up their insolent pride, even as God puts more and more pressure on them to do so.

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 It is possible for narcissists to “change”, but that does not mean that it will be automatic, quick or easy.    Back to the original question above, “is there hope”?  Yes, there is hope, and ultimately victory in situations of dealing with narcissists / those with insolent pride .  However that hope may not come in the form or timing that we would choose.
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We will explore having hope in the midst of the struggle of dealing with narcissists as we move further ahead in our search.

4 responses

  1. Pingback: God Warns Narcissists To Change….. « Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

  2. “However that hope may not come in the form or timing that we would choose.”

    Such truth here. So many of us want the narcissist to fall in line with OUR idea of who they should be (the same way they want us to be exactly what THEY want). I do have hope for mine. It’s not a hope that we will ever be friends again- like real, honest to goodness friends…but I do believe God is in control, that he’s heard my prayers, and that he will do everything he can to get this person where he needs to be- when he needs to be there. In the meantime, I’ve lost someone who was very dear to me.

    Thanks for your blog. 🙂

    • Your comment “So many of us want the narcissist to fall in line with OUR idea of who they should be (the same way they want us to be exactly what THEY want) is right on, Dara. Thank you!

  3. God has show me to treat the person like He does with me. One day I was getting contempt from two sides in my life. I had no where to get away from this. I cried out to God. He came back with a very calm quite voice inside me. He said well, when you treat me with contempt. I give you Mercy, Grace and Forgiveness. Go and do the same. I thought about this a while. It was very humbling and as I thought about it, I f we could do these three things immediatly we could love anyone. Is this what it really means to be a discpile of Jesus? To follow in his foot steps. I was just reading through most of what is on this site. I see it’s true that God has used this person in my life to test and refine me, to see if I would be faithful in all trials. I’ve been seeking God more and more. I find God is always trying to teach me something. WHERE DO I NEED T O CHANGE. What do I need to let go of and trust God to take out His wrath on this person. As we hurt and fumble around I look at this as Gods way of displining me. And He IS doing the same for the other person. I just can’t see inside them. I know they are hurting. The best I can do for them is gently point them in the right direction, keeping my anger for what I want, under control. Because…read James 4 why we fight. We also need to ask for the right reason….to bring Glory to God.

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