Another way to view our dealings with narcissists* is as a 3-way relationship. Yes, it mostly feels as though it is “us vs. them”, and that we need to struggle through dealing with these difficult people on our own. And while there is some truth to that, we will not be able to have full success in dealing with them until we understand God’s involvement in the equation (see here and here). So, while we may succeed on our own in applying solid tactics in our dealings with the narcissist – which may definitely help us maintain sanity – we will not be able to achieve the full level of “victory” in our lives that is possible without bringing God into the equation.
The following diagram illustrates the 4 relationship dynamics involved in our dealing with narcissists:
- Us with the narcissist
- God with the narcissist
- God with us
…….. and God with us and the narcissist, AS we deal with the narcissist
It is important to recognize that Our / The Narcissist’s / God’s actions flow out of WHO each of us is on the inside – God, the narcissist, and us. So, not only do we need to understand the inner workings of the narcissist, but ourselves as well. And, to truly understand God’s actions in this equation, we need to better understand His nature, how He feels toward us and the narcissist, and His ability to act.
We will be using this template going forward as a tool and further roadmap to help organize and wade through our more difficult discussions on “why”, as well as breaking through to ultimate victory in this most difficult of relationships.
* Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” (see here)