Narcissism = Insolent Pride in the Bible

December 6, 2018 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized Tags: Proverbs 21:24, 2 Timothy 3:16-17

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Proverbs 21:24

²⁴“Proud,” “Haughty,” “Scoffer,” are his names,
Who acts with insolent pride.

You may have found this blog because you have a “narcissist” in your life, or in the life of someone you care about. At first, you may not have known that you were dealing with a narcissist, but the pain and damage this selfish, arrogant, condescending, domineering person caused might have driven you to search for answers on what was going on, and on how to deal with this difficult person. As you went online or to books on Amazon, you read more about who this person is, and how he operates. And you likely read some explanations as to how he got this way, or advice regarding how to deal with this “narcissist”. In the process of trying to learn everything possible in your search for answers, you may have decided to explore what the Bible has to say on the subject.

While the Bible does not specifically refer to “narcissism” – which takes its name from Greek mythology – it does speak to the subject.

Continue reading →

If I Say No, Am I Failing to Love? — Announcing “When Love Says No”

August 6, 2026 By DCRobertsson in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism, Books By DCRobertsson

If I say no, am I failing to love?

If you have lived close to narcissism, you have met this question at midnight. A request has been made — again. A pattern has repeated — again. And the moment you consider refusing, the accusation arrives, sometimes from the other person and sometimes from inside your own chest: a truly loving Christian wouldn’t say no.

Narcissistic relationships weaponize that question. Your conscience becomes the enforcement arm of someone else’s demands. And many of us, wanting sincerely to love like Jesus, have concluded that the only safe answer is to keep every door open, forever, at any cost.

But Scripture answers with a God who keeps doors. He set a limit in a perfect garden. He shut the ark behind Noah. He marked the doorposts in Egypt — and in His Son declared, “I am the door.” From beginning to end, the Bible reveals a God who loves boundlessly and draws lines — and who teaches His people to do the same without guilt and without cruelty.

A new 30-day journey: When Love Says No

I’m glad to announce the newest book in the 30-Day Journeys series: When Love Says No: A 30-Day Devotional Journey Through Biblical Boundaries.

Over thirty days, it walks you into the stories of Scripture: a builder who would not come down from his wall, two midwives who told a king no, a father who let the famine finish its work, and a Savior who refused a thousand false claims — then gave everything to the true one. Each day takes about five minutes: a Scripture passage (NASB 1995), a short reading, cross-references, three questions for reflection, and a prayer prompt.

Rather than tell you about it, let me give you a full day from the book — the one many readers of this site may need most.

Day 26 – The Spear in the Wall

“Now there was an evil spirit from the LORD on Saul as he was sitting in his house with his spear in his hand, and David was playing the harp with his hand. Saul tried to pin David to the wall with the spear, but he slipped away out of Saul’s presence, so that he stuck the spear into the wall. And David fled and escaped that night.”
— 1 Samuel 19:9–10

The spear was still quivering in the wall when David went out the door. He did not go back in to prove his loyalty.

He had done everything right—served in Saul’s house, soothed him with music, fought his wars, kept his oaths. And the spear came anyway. Not a hard conversation, not an unfair criticism: a weapon, thrown to kill, by the man he was serving. David slipped away, and fled, and did not return to his seat by the wall.

Scripture never scolds him for leaving. Heaven had no interest in David proving his devotion by remaining in range.

This is the day for naming a distinction that confusion makes deadly: ordinary relational conflict and credible danger are different categories, and they require different responses. Violence, threats, stalking, coercion, sexual force, weapons, patterns that put children at risk—these are not communication problems to be solved with one more vulnerable conversation. When the spear is in the wall, distance is not a failure of love. It is stewardship of a life God entrusted to you.

Watch how David carried it, because he carried it with both hands. With one hand, distance: he never again sat within spear-range of Saul, never returned to the household on the strength of Saul’s tearful better moments—and Saul had tearful better moments, twice weeping and blessing David after his life was spared (1 Samuel 24, 26). David heard the weeping. He kept the distance. With the other hand, restraint: twice holding Saul’s life in his grip and refusing to take it, honoring the office while staying out of reach of the man.

Distance without vengeance. Honor without access. Both hands, all the way to the end.

Two cautions keep the day honest. Danger can be exaggerated—disagreement, criticism, and refusal to give us what we want are not abuse, and inflated language destroys both reputations and the word’s meaning for those who need it. But uncertainty must not keep anyone in range of a spear: God does not require perfect proof before you step away from an arm already in motion. Reach safety first. Sort out the long questions from there, with counsel, facts, and rightful authority.

If the spear is in the wall where you sit—go. Tonight if need be, as David went.

The God who anointed him did not walk him back into the room. He walked with him out of it.

Cross-References

Proverbs 27:12 – “A prudent man sees evil and hides himself; the naive proceed and pay the penalty.”
Acts 9:23–25 – When a plot arose to kill Saul of Tarsus, “his disciples took him by night and let him down through an opening in the wall, lowering him in a large basket.”
Psalm 18:2 – “The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer… my stronghold.”

Questions for Reflection

Is what you are facing ordinary relational pain—or is there a spear in the wall? What evidence answers that honestly?
Where have you been tempted to prove love or faith by remaining in range?
If danger is credible, what is the immediate step toward safety—and who are the counselors and rightful authorities for the longer questions?

Prayer Prompt

Lord, You never asked David to stay in the room, and You never asked me to prove faith by remaining in reach of harm. Give me clear eyes about danger, courage to go, restraint from vengeance, and refuge in You.

Where to find the book

When Love Says No is available now on Amazon in Kindle and paperback:

Kindle edition — $4.99 (free to read in Kindle Unlimited)
Paperback — $9.99

If The First Will Be Last: A Biblical Perspective on Narcissism helped you name what you were facing, When Love Says No is the companion for what comes next: what to actually do at the door — how to love someone and still say no, without guilt and without revenge.

Love does not hold every door open. It keeps every door for God.

Your responsibility is faithfulness. The outcome belongs to God.

Narcissism Is Not New

November 21, 2025 By DCRobertsson in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

Narcissism is not new.
Long before psychology gave it a name, Scripture described it with precision: “Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he will not go unpunished.” (Proverbs 16:5)

The Bible calls narcissism what it truly is — insolent pride. It is more than arrogance or selfishness; it is a deep inner posture that resists dependence on God and elevates the self as the ultimate standard. From Lucifer’s rebellion to Pharaoh’s hardness of heart, the pattern is the same: self-worship, self-justification, and eventually, self-destruction.

Modern language tends to soften narcissism into a personality pattern, but Scripture exposes it as a spiritual condition. It is the natural bent of the human heart apart from grace — “They exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator.” (Romans 1:25)

The proud heart does not simply want attention; it wants to be God-like without God. It refuses correction, deflects conviction, and blames others for the fallout of its own sin. And yet, even here, the mercy of God breaks through. The same God who opposes the proud also offers grace to the humble (James 4:6). His goal is not merely to expose pride but to redeem the person trapped in it.

In The First Will Be Last, I explored how God’s kingdom reverses the order of pride and humility. Narcissism exalts self and ends in ruin; humility surrenders self and ends in glory. God humbles the proud so that He may lift them up. This reversal is not punishment — it is redemption in motion.

When God allows the proud to fall, it is His severe mercy calling them to repentance. And when He raises up the humble, it is His gracious reward for hearts that have learned dependence.

So what is narcissism? It is the old lie of Eden, repackaged for every generation: “You will be like God.” (Genesis 3:5) And yet, through Christ, God offers a new way — to become like Christ instead. The path downward becomes the path upward. The cross becomes the cure for the disease of pride.

Welcome to Biblical Perspectives on Narcissism

November 14, 2025 By DCRobertsson in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

Welcome to Biblical Perspectives on Narcissism.
This blog began with one simple burden: to understand pride, self-exaltation, and relational destruction in light of God’s Word. Over time, it has grown into a deeper journey—one that traces how God diagnoses the problem of the proud heart and offers a path toward healing and humility.

The Bible has always spoken about what modern psychology calls narcissism. Scripture calls it insolent pride—a heart that refuses correction, seeks its own glory, and resists the gentle authority of God. From Pharaoh to the Pharisees, from Haman to Herod, pride has always been at the root of ruin. Yet in every generation, God continues to oppose the proud and give grace to the humble.

This blog is not about labeling people. It’s about learning God’s ways—how He humbles the proud, lifts up the lowly, and teaches His children to reflect His character rather than our own image. Each post explores a different angle of that truth—sometimes from Scripture, sometimes from life, and often from hard-won lessons in relationships where pride collides with grace.

The journey flows out of what I explored in The First Will Be Last: that God’s kingdom reverses everything we think we know about greatness. The proud rise only to fall. The humble fall only to rise. In that reversal, we see both the justice and the mercy of God at work.

Whether you are studying narcissism biblically, walking through a painful relationship, or confronting your own pride before God, my hope is that you find here both truth that convicts and grace that restores.

Get the book here

More by DC Robertsson

When God Doesn’t Answer

May 30, 2025 By DCRobertsson in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?” — Psalm 13:1

David doesn’t start this psalm with faith. He starts with frustration. He doesn’t begin by declaring God’s goodness—he questions it. Four times he says, “How long?” He feels forgotten. Abandoned. Unheard.

And he tells God about it.

Sometimes we think faith is silent endurance. But the Bible shows us something else. Real faith brings its pain to God. Real trust laments. David wasn’t punished for this prayer—he was recorded in Scripture for it.

God can handle your questions. He’s not threatened by your honesty. He doesn’t withdraw when you bring your raw emotion to Him—in fact, that’s when He often draws near.

David ends the psalm not in despair, but in trust: “But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.” He didn’t deny his pain. But he refused to let it define his view of God.

If God is silent, it does not mean He is absent. If He delays, it does not mean He doesn’t care. And if your prayers seem to bounce off the ceiling, remember—they are still heard. Sometimes, the deepest prayers are those we barely manage to utter. Sometimes, God’s answer begins with our surrender.

When God doesn’t answer, don’t stop praying. Don’t stop hoping. Don’t stop trusting.

Cross-References:

“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry.” — Psalm 40:1
“Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur, and He will hear my voice.” — Psalm 55:17
“The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.” — Psalm 34:17

Prayer Prompt:
Tell God exactly how you feel today—then choose to trust His heart.

📖 From the book: When God Is Silent: A 30-Day Devotional

He Sees Through The Lies

May 28, 2025 By DCRobertsson in Devotionals

“His watchfulness is upon a man’s ways, and He sees all his steps. There is no darkness or deep shadow where the workers of iniquity can hide themselves.” —Job 34:21–22

You can lie to the world and get away with it. You can deceive a church, fool a friend, manipulate a spouse, convince a counselor. You can dress it up in spiritual language, cloak it in good intentions, and hide behind the appearance of wisdom.

But you cannot lie to the God who sees.

Job’s friend Elihu got this one thing right: There is no darkness where the wicked can hide. No cover is thick enough. No story is smooth enough. No persona is convincing enough to escape the gaze of the all-seeing God.

This isn’t just about them—the narcissist, the abuser, the betrayer. It’s about us too. Because every heart is tempted to create false versions of itself. To minimize sin. To exaggerate virtue. To pretend everything’s fine when it’s not. But God doesn’t see what we project—He sees what we protect.

And still, He comes close.

His sight is not cynical, but holy. He exposes not to destroy, but to deliver. He calls out the lie because the truth sets you free. But make no mistake—He sees through it all.

If you’ve been lied to, manipulated, or gaslit—take heart. You don’t need everyone else to believe you when the God who sees already knows the full truth. And He will act in righteousness, in His time.

If you’ve been the one hiding, covering, deceiving—don’t wait to be exposed by others. Bring it into the light now. Not for punishment, but for mercy. The same God who sees the lie is ready to forgive it. But you can’t be healed until you stop pretending.

The truth always has an audience. And the most important One is watching now.

Cross References:
Hebrews 4:13 — “All things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him…”
Psalm 90:8 — “You have placed our iniquities before You, our secret sins in the light…”
John 3:20–21 — “Everyone who does evil hates the Light… but he who practices the truth comes to the Light.”

Prayer Prompt:
God, expose anything in me that’s false—and help me walk in the freedom of truth.

from the book “The God Who Sees”

How Jesus Dealt With Narcissists

May 21, 2025 By DCRobertsson in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

(Updated and Expanded)

Jesus dealt with narcissists often. He didn’t use the word “narcissist,” of course. He used clearer ones—hypocrite, blind guide, whitewashed tomb, fool. But He knew what kind of people He was dealing with.

He didn’t try to counsel them into humility. He didn’t enter long, therapeutic conversations. He didn’t chase after them to win them back. He exposed them. He rebuked them. And then He walked away.

If you’re dealing with narcissists in your own life, Jesus gives you a model.

1. He Recognized Their Pride and Called It What It Was

Jesus didn’t flinch from naming what He saw. He told the Pharisees:

“You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God.”
— Luke 16:15

They looked spiritual, but they were driven by image. They sat in the best seats and prayed long prayers—not because they loved God, but because they loved how they looked.

Jesus saw through it. And He called it detestable.

2. He Confronted Them Directly—Not Indefinitely

Jesus didn’t stay quiet. He confronted the narcissistic leaders of His day again and again—with precision and clarity.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence.”
— Matthew 23:25

But He didn’t spend His whole ministry on them. He confronted them. Then He turned back to those who would listen.

He didn’t cast pearls before swine (Matthew 7:6). He exposed the proud—but He didn’t entrust Himself to them.

3. He Walked Away from the Unrepentant

In John 8, after confronting the Pharisees with truth, He eventually left the temple. In Luke 23, when Herod tried to bait Him, Jesus answered him nothing.

There comes a time to stop talking.

Jesus modeled a boundary not rooted in bitterness, but in discernment. He wasn’t afraid of conflict—but He never let narcissists dictate the terms.

4. He Focused on the Willing, Not the Proud

Jesus didn’t waste His ministry trying to change hardened hearts. He said:

“It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
— Mark 2:17

Narcissists don’t believe they’re sick. So Jesus spent His time with the broken, the humble, the receptive.

He still does.

Takeaway: You Don’t Have to Fix the Narcissist

If you’re exhausted from trying to win over the narcissist in your life—stop. Follow Jesus’ example.

See them for who they are
Speak truth when needed
Don’t get caught in endless arguments
Let go and walk away when the Spirit leads
Focus on the ones God has actually called you to love and serve

Jesus never begged narcissists to understand Him. And you don’t need to either.

Pride Before a Fall – How God Humbles Narcissists

May 17, 2025 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling.”
— Proverbs 16:18

It’s one of the most quoted verses in the Bible—because it’s one of the most visibly true. And yet, the narcissist never sees it coming.

He believes he’s untouchable. He gathers power. He wins praise. He rises. The people around him may suffer, but his life keeps improving. So he concludes what proud people always conclude: God must be okay with it. Maybe even pleased.

But pride is a snare. And God is never mocked.

The Trap Is Already Set

Narcissism—what the Bible calls insolent pride—always leads somewhere. The narcissist exalts himself through lies, manipulation, flattery, control, and intimidation. At first, it works. That’s part of the deception. The rise is real, but it is not permanent.

God uses the narcissist’s own pride to engineer his downfall.

Think of Absalom—charming, persuasive, beloved by the people. But it was his vanity that led him to rebellion and his long hair that caught him in the tree. He died hanging between heaven and earth—rejected by both.

Think of Nebuchadnezzar—boasting from his palace rooftop, claiming glory for Babylon. God stripped him of reason and made him eat grass like cattle until he acknowledged who truly rules (Daniel 4:30–37).

The narcissist’s rise only fuels his crash. The higher the pride, the harder the fall.

Why Does God Wait?

It’s tempting to ask why God lets the proud rise so high. Why not expose them sooner?

But Scripture gives the answer.

“Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?”
— Romans 2:4

God is not slow. He’s patient. He gives time to repent. He lets pride grow to fullness so that the fall is unmistakable. That’s why God told Edom:

“Though you build high like the eagle, though you set your nest among the stars, from there I will bring you down,” declares the Lord.
— Obadiah 1:4

He is never unaware. He is never indifferent. He is simply working on a different timeline.

What Should You Do While You Wait?

If you’re under the influence of a narcissist, you know what it’s like to wait. You cry out for justice. You want relief. You want God to bring it down now.

But the calling isn’t to bring them down. It’s to trust God until He does.

Wait quietly – “Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him… Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way.” (Psalm 37:7)
Guard your heart – Don’t retaliate in kind. Don’t become like them.
Stay faithful – “Never take your own revenge… overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:19–21)

When God humbles the proud, He does it right. And when He vindicates the humble, He does it fully.

The narcissist doesn’t believe Proverbs 16:18. But you should.

God will bring them down. The question is not if. The question is when.

Psalm 3 – David’s Prayer When Fleeing From His Narcissist Son Absalom

December 29, 2024 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

Psalm 3 is traditionally attributed to King David, written during one of the most tumultuous periods of his life—his flight from his son Absalom, who led a rebellion against him (2 Samuel 15-18). We discussed in previous blog posts how David’s son Absalom was a narcissist raised up by GOD as discipline to David for his adultery with Bathsheba and the killing of her husband Uriah.

Even though David was complicit in creating his difficulty, he still had to deal with a narcissist – one from his own family – who was trying to bring him down and destroy him. He did not simply say, “I caused it, I will just let it happen”. He brought GOD right into the middle of it, and this prayer was part of that process.

David’s situation was dire: he was betrayed by trusted advisors, abandoned by followers, and forced to flee Jerusalem. This psalm reflects his deep distress, personal vulnerability, and unwavering trust in God despite overwhelming circumstances.

Verses 1-2: A Cry of Distress
David begins by acknowledging his desperate situation. He laments the growing number of enemies rising against him, emphasizing that many people are saying he has no hope in God’s deliverance:

“O Lord, how my adversaries have increased! Many are rising up against me. Many are saying of my soul, ‘There is no deliverance for him in God.’” (vv. 1-2)

Verses 3-4: Confidence in God’s Protection
Despite his predicament, David expresses confidence in God’s protection. He declares that God is his shield, source of glory, and the one who lifts his head in honor. David recalls crying out to the Lord and receiving an answer from His holy mountain, symbolizing God’s sovereign presence:

“But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain.” (vv. 3-4)

Verses 5-6: Trust in God’s Sustenance
David’s faith allows him to find peace and rest even in the face of mortal danger. He attributes his ability to sleep peacefully to God’s sustaining power, declaring he will not fear, regardless of how many enemies surround him:

“I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustains me. I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me round about.” (vv. 5-6)

Verses 7-8: A Call for Deliverance and Victory
David calls on God to rise and deliver him, using battle imagery to describe God’s power over his enemies. He ends the psalm with a declaration that salvation belongs to the Lord, and he asks for God’s blessing upon His people:

“Arise, O Lord; save me, O my God! For You have smitten all my enemies on the cheek; You have shattered the teeth of the wicked. Salvation belongs to the Lord; Your blessing be upon Your people!” (vv. 7-8)

Psalm 3 serves as both a personal lament and a declaration of faith, offering comfort to believers facing trials by reminding them of God’s protection and deliverance.

Prayers For Situations In Dealing With Narcissists – Psalm 34

October 27, 2024 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

Psalm 34 was written (around 1021 BC) after David’s dramatic escape from the Philistine King Abimelech, also known as Achish, in Gath. David had fled to Gath to escape King Saul, who was pursuing him with the intent to kill him. Even though he had successfully fled Saul, David realized he was in danger in Gath as well, since the Philistines recognized him as the famed Israelite warrior who had defeated Goliath and led successful military campaigns against them. Think about this as you read it – David not only fled from his narcissist (Saul)(1), but then had to deal with the serious and dangerous aftermath of that fleeing. One might become extra bitter in that situation – but not David.

To save himself, David pretended to be insane, letting saliva run down his beard and scratching at doors, which led Abimelech to dismiss him as harmless and release him (1 Samuel 21:10–15).

Psalm 34 is David’s response of gratitude to God for delivering him from this perilous situation. It serves as both a personal thanksgiving and an instructional piece, urging others to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (verse 8). David uses his experience to emphasize themes of God’s protection, the value of fearing the Lord, and the assurance that God is near to the brokenhearted and those crushed in spirit.

Throughout the psalm, David also calls others to praise and seek refuge in God, highlighting that God hears the prayers of the righteous and saves them from their troubles. The psalm encourages readers to place their trust in God, who redeems and protects His people even in seemingly hopeless circumstances.

———————————————————–

Psalm 34 – A Psalm of David when he feigned madness before Abimelech, who drove him away and he departed.

I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
²My soul will make its boast in the Lord;
The humble will hear it and rejoice.
³O magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

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What did David do in his situation? He sought the Lord and cried out to Him to save him.

⁴I sought the Lord, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
⁵They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.
⁶This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
And saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,
And rescues them.

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As a result David, saw for himself once again that God is good – and that He showers that goodness especially on those who fear Him and take refuge in Him.

⁸O taste and see that the Lord is good;
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
⁹O fear the Lord, you His saints;
For to those who fear Him there is no want.
¹⁰The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;
But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.

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David then gives a little thumbnail sketch on how to fear the Lord. First, keep your tongue from evil and deceit. Second, stop doing evil things. Third, start doing good things. Fourth, seek and pursue peace – with yourself, with GOD, and with others.

¹¹Come, you children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
¹²Who is the man who desires life
And loves length of days that he may see good?
¹³Keep your tongue from evil
And your lips from speaking deceit.
¹⁴Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.

David then once again encourages the righteous to cry out to Him for HELP! Even though He is against evildoers He very much hears and will listen to the the righteous and those who are brokenhearted and crushed in spirit. The first step in dealing with an N is to cry out to GOD for help. You may not see the answer in the next 10 minutes, but it can be the start of GOD leading you through your situation.

¹⁵The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
And His ears are open to their cry.
¹⁶The face of the Lord is against evildoers,
To cut off the memory of them from the earth.
¹⁷The righteous cry, and the Lord hears
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
¹⁸The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

David ends by reminding himself and others – as proven by his rescue from Abimelech – that GOD will ultimately deliver the soul of the righteous and deal retribution to the evil.

¹⁹Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all.
²⁰He keeps all his bones,
Not one of them is broken.
²¹Evil shall slay the wicked,
And those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
²²The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.

Yes, your situation with your narcissist is very different that David having to flee from Saul and then escape from Abimelech. But the basic principles which David applied can be revelant to you. Give it some thought.

Note 1: I want to emphasize that David’s solution with Saul was to flee for his life. That does not mean that David’s solution is our solution. This website has various blog posts discussing this.

Note 2: In spite my good intentions I have not been blogging much due to the ongoing press of everyday life. I’m also working hard on a book with a title along the lines of “Do Not Become Slaves of Men: A Biblical Perspective On Codependency” (or something like that). I’m peddling as fast as I can :).

David’s Prayer When Escaping His Narcissistic Superior (Psalm 59)

September 5, 2024 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

As we have said previously, Saul was one of the narcissists in David’s life – one with significant power over David since he was the king. David wrote several Psalms in connection to his dealings with Saul, including Psalm 59.

The introductory statement of Psalm 59 says:

“For the choir director; set to Al-tashheth. A Mikhtam of David, when Saul sent men and they watched the house in order to kill him.”

This heading provides context for the psalm, situating it during a specific event in David’s life when King Saul sent men to watch David’s house and capture him with the intent to kill him. This incident is recorded in 1 Samuel 19:11-18.

David was serving in King Saul’s court, but Saul had grown increasingly jealous of David due to his military successes and popularity with the people. Saul’s jealousy turned into murderous intent. In 1 Samuel 19:11, Saul sent men to watch David’s house and kill him in the morning. David’s wife, Michal (who was also Saul’s daughter), warned David and helped him escape by letting him down through a window. She then used an idol and a bed covering to trick the men into thinking David was still in bed, buying David time to flee.

David’s escape and the danger he faced are what prompted him to write Psalm 59. The psalm reflects David’s feelings of being surrounded by enemies and his reliance on God for protection and deliverance.

This context provides a powerful backdrop to the themes of Psalm 59, where David prays for deliverance from his enemies and expresses his trust in God’s protection.

Some excerpts of how David prayed:

He prayed for GOD to deliver him

Deliver me from my enemies, O my God;
Set me securely on high away from those who rise up against me.
Deliver me from those who do iniquity
And save me from men of bloodshed.
For behold, they have set an ambush for my life

Psalm 59:1-3

David told GOD of his innocence, asked Him to see what’s going on, and cried for help

Fierce men [Saul’s henchmen] launch an attack against me,
Not for my transgression nor for my sin, O Lord,
For no guilt of mine, they run and set themselves against me.
Arouse Yourself to help me, and see!
You, O Lord God of hosts, the God of Israel,
Awake to punish all the nations

Psalm 59:3-5

David told GOD that because of Saul’s strength, David would look to GOD for his help and protection. And he was confident that GOD would, out of His goodness, take care of him.

Because of his strength I will watch for You,
For God is my stronghold.
My God in His lovingkindness will meet me;
God will let me look triumphantly upon my foes.

Psalm 59:9-10

David specifically asked GOD to judge his enemies for their lying and cursing words and pride.

Do not slay them, or my people will forget;
Scatter them by Your power, and bring them down,
O Lord, our shield.
On account of the sin of their mouth and the words of their lips,
Let them even be caught in their pride,
And on account of curses and lies which they utter.

Psalm 59:11-12

And finally, David looked ahead – in faith that GOD would answer – and praised GOD for His strength and kindness, knowing that GOD would protect him.

But as for me, I shall sing of Your strength;
Yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For You have been my stronghold
And a refuge in the day of my distress.
O my strength, I will sing praises to You;
For God is my stronghold, the God who shows me lovingkindness.

Psalm 59:16-17

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GOD did rescue David in this situation, and ultimately completely delivered him from Saul.

If you are in a similar situation, pray this Psalm – you can use David’s exact words in talking to GOD about it.

Praying For Vindication

September 3, 2024 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

Many times in our struggle with a narcissist, they find some little thing wrong with what we have done, how we have done it, or in our attitude. They will use that to attack, condemn, or undermine us. They’re focused on our speck, not their log (Matthew 7:3-5).

But other times, we may find ourselves under attack when we have done nothing wrong.

GOD wants to refine us in the process, but He also can be our defender. We should always examine ourselves, but we can also ask GOD to vindicate us. David knew this, and prayed prayers such as:

The Lord judges the peoples; Vindicate me, O Lord, according to my righteousness and my integrity that is in me.

Psalm 7:8

and

Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity, And I have trusted in the Lord without wavering.

Psalm 26:1

When David was fleeing at the hands of one of the narcissists in his life – King Saul – he found himself in the land of the Ziphites. The Ziphites went and told Saul that he was there – putting David at deeper risk. David had done absolutely nothing wrong to land himself in that situation. What could he do?

He prayed this:

(“For the choir director; on stringed instruments. A Maskil of David, when the Ziphites came and said to Saul, “Is not David hiding himself among us?”)

Save me, O God, by Your name, And vindicate me by Your power.

Psalm 54:1

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In the end, GOD is far bigger than the narcissist in our life. HE is the one that can rescue us and save us – He can do far more than we ever could.

In the end, GOD did save David out of Saul’s hands. Saul died, and David became king – but GOD did it, not David.

Follow me on X @ https://x.com/DcRobertsson

Amazon page is here:

Leave Room For GOD

August 31, 2024 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

Here are some challenging words:

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.

Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. ²

“But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:17-21

Avoiding thoughts of “getting back” or “getting even” may be difficult for us when we have been wronged. It is a very natural response. But GOD says to never take our own revenge. Why does He say that? Because He’s “got it” and His solution will be far better than ours. But how can we trust this to be so? Consider this:

GOD is a completely unlimited and perfectly pure (i.e. – “holy”) supreme spiritual being
His limitlessness means that He sees and knows absolutely everything – He is everywhere at once and knows every thought and action. He knows what happened to you, why the perpetrator did it, the consequences to you, how you are feeling – EVERYTHING
His perfect purity / holiness is the foundation of His unlimited goodness AND His justice.
Every violation of His pure nature – His righteousness – will have consequences. He says in Galatians 6:7 – “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.”
GOD WILL repay those who have wronged us, but He will do it in His perfect wisdom and timing – and we may not see it. (Of course, for those perpetrators with faith in Christ, their eternal security is secure – but GOD will still deal with them in the context of their redeemed state).
His handling the justice side of the equation frees us to emulate Him on the goodness side of the equation.

Of course, in dealing with those who have wronged us, wisdom is always appropriate. But GOD has given us the framework – leave the justice to Him and focus our attention on the possibility of doing good.

If we take justice into our own hands it sidetracks the entire process.

Find me on X @ https://x.com/DcRobertsson

An Update

August 29, 2024 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

Greetings everyone.

I have been absent from writing on this blog for quite awhile. There are lots of reasons:

Family needs (kids and parents)
Working on other writing projects. Which I will discuss soon.
Working on missions projects
Not having a clear view on where to go with this blog.

But in the last couple of months clarity on the right path forward has returned.

So I am going to start blogging here again. My initial focus is on two things:

How Jesus handled the narcissists in His life (the Pharisees)
How David handled and prayed through the situations with the three narcissists in his life – his brother, King Saul, and Absalom his son.

I will then turn those blog posts into corresponding books, as follow up

I also want to write something on a biblical perspective on co-dependency (an issue for me in the past), but don’t have a clear idea yet on how to handle it.

In addition I am working on one or more books how to truly trust GOD’s love, wisdom, power, and faithfulness. This is a subject near and dear which I am diving deeply into.

If you want to follow me on a slightly more personal level, I’ve launched on “X”. You can find me at

https://x.com/DcRobertsson

Sorry for the absence, I hope what is to come will be helpful.

Sincerely,

David

Is My Boyfriend or Girlfriend A Narcissist? Ten Questions to Ask

January 26, 2023 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

Proverbs says,

The prudent sees the evil and hides himself, But the naive go on, and are punished for it.

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Proverbs 22:3

Following are ten questions to ask yourself to help determine if you might be developing a romantic relationship with a narcissist.

Is my boyfriend a narcissist?

Does your boyfriend often talk about himself and his accomplishments?
Does he have a tendency to belittle or criticize others?
Does he have an inflated sense of self-importance?
Does he expect special treatment or to be put on a pedestal?
Does he have a lack of empathy for others?
Does he have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships?
Does he have a need for constant validation and admiration from others?
Does he have a tendency to manipulate or exploit others for his own gain?
Does he have a tendency to blame others for his own mistakes or shortcomings?
Does he have a history of behaving in a controlling or abusive manner towards others?

Is my girlfriend a narcissist?

Does she constantly seek attention and validation from others?
Does she have a sense of entitlement and believe that she deserves special treatment?
Does she have difficulty empathizing with others and understanding their perspectives?
Does she often blame others for her problems and take little responsibility for her actions?
Does she have a tendency to manipulate and exploit others for her own gain?
Does she have a grandiose sense of self-importance and overestimate her abilities?
Does she have a strong need to be admired and have a sense of superiority over others?
Does she have a disregard for the feelings of others?
Does she have a tendency to become easily jealous or resentful of others?
Does she have a tendency to make everything about herself and not be interested in the lives of others?

Something to consider…

40 Ideas For Non-Monetary Christmas Gifts

December 20, 2022 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

My wife and I have a long-standing tradition of giving each other only “non-monetary” Christmas gifts. Occasionally we break the rule but we want to put the focus on giving something that actually “costs us” something of ourselves. I won’t share what we have done, but here is a list of ideas in case you’re looking for inspiration.

Write a heartfelt letter or poem expressing your love and appreciation for the recipient.
Create a personalized playlist of songs that have special meaning to you and your relationship.
Make a homemade meal or baked goods for the recipient.
Create a custom piece of art or craft for the recipient.
Plan a fun outing or activity to do together, such as a hike or a trip to a local attraction.
Offer to do a chore or task for the recipient, such as cleaning their house or running errands for them.
Give the gift of your time and attention by setting aside an entire day to spend together.
Give the gift of relaxation by offering a massage or creating a DIY spa day.
Create a memory jar filled with special trinkets and mementos that represent your relationship.
Write and perform a song or skit for the recipient.
Offer to help the recipient achieve a goal or learn a new skill, such as taking a dance lesson or starting a garden.
Give the gift of relaxation by offering a home-cooked meal or a gift certificate to a restaurant.
Plan a game night with a selection of the recipient’s favorite games.
Offer to do a fun activity together, such as painting, cooking, or going to the movies.
Give the gift of self-care by creating a basket with items like scented candles, bubble bath, and face masks.
Plan a movie marathon with the recipient’s favorite films.
Give the gift of organization by helping the recipient declutter and reorganize a space in their home.
Offer to take the recipient on a scenic drive or to a nearby town for a day trip.
Create a personalized photo album or frame featuring special memories and moments from your relationship.
Offer to teach the recipient a new hobby or skill that you enjoy.
Give the gift of relaxation by offering a yoga or meditation class.
Plan a date night and make all the arrangements, such as reservations and transportation.
Write a list of reasons why you appreciate and value the recipient.
Give the gift of a handwritten recipe book filled with your favorite dishes.
Plan a fun outdoor activity, such as a picnic or a walk in a local park.
Give the gift of a home-cooked meal and offer to do the grocery shopping and cooking.
Offer to take the recipient on a shopping spree and provide style advice.
Give the gift of a personalized workout routine or training plan.
Plan a weekend getaway to a nearby destination.
Create a custom playlist of your favorite workout songs to help the recipient stay motivated.
Give the gift of a personalized nutrition plan or recipe ideas.
Offer to do the recipient’s laundry and fold it for them.
Plan a fun adventure, such as a hot air balloon ride or skydiving.
Give the gift of a customized playlist of your favorite relaxing music or guided meditations.
Offer to do a home improvement project for the recipient.
Plan a day of pampering, including a manicure, pedicure, and massage.
Give the gift of a customized playlist of your favorite tunes for a specific activity, such as working or studying.
Offer to do the recipient’s grocery shopping and meal prep for a week.
Plan a movie night in with homemade popcorn and the recipient’s favorite films.
Give the gift of a personalized sleep routine or bedtime ritual.

Please pardon my lack of blogging. I had some heavy preparation work for a seminar on “parenting adult children” and another on “suffering” recently, as well as working on several writing projects. I am hoping to get back into a better routine in the near future.

In the meantime, rather than wishing a trite “Merry Christmas” I simply want to say that I hope that we all deeply remember and savor the clear demonstration of God’s deep love for us through sending Jesus’ into this wicked world in order to rescue us.

But also, enjoy the lights and merriment.