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One subject we have not talked about much is the difference between overt and covert narcissism. At its most basic:
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- An overt narcissist is an in-your-face braggart and bully
- A covert narcissist plays the victim, and uses manipulation and deceit to get what they want,
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There is not a clear line between the two – an overt narcissist may use manipulation and deceit, and a covert narcissist may be a bully if they get the chance.
As the covert narcissist is far more subtle, they are harder to spot. How can you recognize one in your midst? Look for non-stop drama and wide-spread conflict that you can’t quite identify nor be sure of the source.
Proverbs 22:10 makes clear that scoffers – a Biblical term for narcissist – are a source of contentiousness:
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Drive out the scoffer, and contention will go out, Even strife and dishonor will cease.Proverbs 22:10.
The fact that if you drive them out, contention leaves as well means that narcissists are a source of contention. Proverbs 26:20 indicates that this contention can be very subtle.
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For lack of wood the fire goes out, And where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down.Proverbs 26:20.
The Hebrew word for whisperer means “talebearer” or “slanderer”.
Covert narcissists will “whisper” as part of their toolbox to spread rumors, lies, and even true things that undermine others as part of their manipulation of a situation to achieve their own ends. The “whispering” is a source of contention and conflict, but they do it subtly and quietly so that they seem “innocent” even while they are wreaking destruction.
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So, if you are in a group that is roiling in conflict, look around and see if you can identify a covert narcissist who is subtly undermining others in order to achieve some goal of self-exaltation or dominance over one or more people.
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