Category Archives: David’s Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms)

A Response To Those Who Say God Can’t Or Won’t Help You

November 9, 2022 By in 3 Letting God Act, Absalom, David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms)

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The challenge for those dealing with a narcissist who is “close” is to deal with the situation in a practical way while also walking in faith.  How do we allow God right into the middle of the situation?  On top of this, we are frequently told some form of “God can’t or won’t help you” – urging us to take things into our hands to solve it on our own apart from God.

David was in the same situation.   His son Absalom was a narcissist whom God raised up to chastise David for his sin with Bathsheba.

David was forced to flee for his life.  In the process, many said that God would not deliver him from the adversaries that were coming at him.  But David had a different view, which he declared in Psalm 3.

 

A Psalm of David, when he fled from Absalom his son.

3 O Lord, how my adversaries have increased!
Many are rising up against me.
2 Many are saying of my soul,
“There is no deliverance for him in God.” Selah.

3 But You, O Lord, are a shield about me,
My glory, and the One who lifts my head.
4 I was crying to the Lord with my voice,
And He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah.
I lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the Lord sustains me.
6 I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people
Who have set themselves against me round about.

7 Arise, O Lord; save me, O my God!
For You have smitten all my enemies on the cheek;
You have shattered the teeth of the wicked.
8 Salvation belongs to the Lord;
Your blessing be upon Your people! Selah. 

Psalm 3

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David cried out to the Lord and then trusted God for help, allowing him to sleep peacefully even before the deliverance came.  David did not succumb to other’s lack of faith, and in the end God executed judgment on Absalom and rescued David.

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See here for initial steps on how to know God personally

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Narcissist Traits and Tactics – Psalm 12

April 24, 2022 By in David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms)

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There are several Psalms that describe and address those with insolent pride (aka narcissists – see here).  Psalm 12 is one of those Psalms.   It describes them strutting about with the insolently prideful attitude that no one can tell them what to do (“who is lord over us”).  They flatter and speak lies , believing that they can get what they want through manipulating people and situations by what they say (“with our tongue we will prevail”).  Classic narcissistic approach.

But it also invites the Lord to cut them off, and describes how, ultimately, God will protect His people from these evil people.

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12 Help, Lord, for the godly man ceases to be,
For the faithful disappear from among the sons of men.
2 They speak falsehood to one another;
With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak.

3 May the Lord cut off all flattering lips,
The tongue that speaks great things;
4 Who have said, “With our tongue we will prevail;
Our lips are our own; who is lord over us?”
5 “Because of the devastation of the afflicted, because of the groaning of the needy,
Now I will arise,” says the Lord; “I will set him in the safety for which he longs.”

6 The words of the Lord are pure words;
As silver tried in a furnace on the earth, refined seven times.
7 You, O Lord, will keep them;
You will preserve him from this generation forever.
8 The wicked strut about on every side
When vileness is exalted among the sons of men.

Psalm 12

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* Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible describes as “insolent pride” (see here)

See here for initial steps on how to know God personally

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Dealing With Narcissists – David’s Prayer To Save The Afflicted From The Proud and Wicked

December 15, 2021 By in 4 Biblical Praying, 5 Dealing with Narcissists, David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags:

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In the midst of our pain in dealing with the narcissist in our life, relevant Psalms are not only a source of insight and comfort into God’s ultimate dealing with them, but can at the same time be a great way to express what is in our heart.  Just expressing what we are feeling in a way that is in sync with God’s perspective can itself be a source of comfort.  Psalm 10 is one of those Psalms.

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Psalm 10

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Why do You stand afar off, O Lord?
Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?
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2 In pride the wicked hotly pursue the afflicted;
Let them be caught in the plots which they have devised.
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3 For the wicked boasts of his heart’s desire,
And the greedy man curses and spurns the Lord.
4 The wicked, in the haughtiness of his countenance, does not seek Him.  All his thoughts are, “There is no God.”
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Dealing With Narcissists* – David’s Prayer for Justice

December 2, 2021 By in 3 Letting God Act, 4 Biblical Praying, 5 Dealing with Narcissists, David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags:

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Psalm 94

O Lord, God of vengeance,
God of vengeance, shine forth!
2 Rise up, O Judge of the earth,
Render recompense to the proud.
3 How long shall the wicked, O Lord,
How long shall the wicked exult?
4 They pour forth words, they speak arrogantly;
All who do wickedness vaunt themselves.
5 They crush Your people, O Lord,
And afflict Your heritage.
6 They slay the widow and the [d]stranger
And murder the orphans.
7 They have said, “The Lord does not see,
Nor does the God of Jacob pay heed.”

8 Pay heed, you senseless among the people;
And when will you understand, stupid ones?
9 He who planted the ear, does He not hear?
He who formed the eye, does He not see?

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A Prayer For God To Show Whose Side He’s On

May 2, 2021 By in David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags: ,

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David dealt with three big narcissists in his life – his oldest brother Eliab, his benefactor Saul, and his son Absalom.  As David was “a man after God’s heart” who turned his hurts into prayers, it is divinely natural for David to talk to God about those in his life with insolent pride.  These prayers in the Psalms provide a range of examples for how we can pray in our own difficult situations.

One example is in Psalm 86:14-17

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O God, arrogant men have risen up against me,
And a band of violent men have sought my life,
And they have not set You before them.
But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth.

Turn to me, and be gracious to me;
Oh grant Your strength to Your servant,
And save the son of Your handmaid.
Show me a sign for good,
That those who hate me may see it and be ashamed,
Because You, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

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The word David uses for “arrogant” in verse 14 is “zed”, the same word for insolent pride found in Proverbs 21:24 – “proud, haughty, scoffer, are his names who acts with insolent pride”.

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David specifically prayed for 4 things.

  • “Turn to me and gracious to me” – David humbly asked God for His gracious help
  • “Grant Your strength to Your servant – David didn’t ask that he would be stronger, but that God would give David HIS strength – a much stronger strength
  • “Save the son of Your handmaid” – David cried to God, “save me!”
  • “Show me a sign for good, that those who hate me may see it and be ashamed”

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This last one is particular interesting.  David asked God to do something special for him that would prove to the arrogant narcissist that God was on his side.

Narcissists are in a power play with their targets in a quest for dominance.  This leaves the target with two “natural” choices – fight back to win, or acquiesce and be a doormat.  (In some cases you can avoid them – see here).   But there is another option – rather than do head to head battle with someone seeking superiority, David showed that we can invite God into the picture.  God can exalt us in front the narcissist in a way that puts the narcissist in his place.

This sign of favor may not always come on our timetable, but just as God will ultimately show with Jesus, it will come.

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Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.    Philippians 2:5-11

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Please see here for initial steps to peace with God

 

 

 

 

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Psalm 17 – David’s Prayer For Protection Against Oppressors

July 11, 2018 By in 6 Case Studies, David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags:

Psalm 17

Prayer for Protection against Oppressors.

A Prayer of David.

17 Hear a just cause, O Lord, give heed to my cry;
Give ear to my prayer, which is not from deceitful lips.
2 Let my judgment come forth from Your presence;
Let Your eyes look with equity.

 

3 You have tried my heart;
You have visited me by night;
You have tested me and You find nothing;
I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress.
4 As for the deeds of men, by the word of Your lips
I have kept from the paths of the violent.
5 My steps have held fast to Your paths.
My feet have not slipped.

 

6 I have called upon You, for You will answer me, O God;
Incline Your ear to me, hear my speech.
7 Wondrously show Your lovingkindness,
O Savior of those who take refuge at Your right hand
From those who rise up against them.
8 Keep me as the apple of the eye;
Hide me in the shadow of Your wings
9 From the wicked who despoil me,
My deadly enemies who surround me.

 

10 They have closed their unfeeling heart,
With their mouth they speak proudly.
11 They have now surrounded us in our steps;
They set their eyes to cast us down to the ground.
12 He is like a lion that is eager to tear,
And as a young lion lurking in hiding places.

 

13 Arise, O Lord, confront him, bring him low;
Deliver my soul from the wicked with Your sword,
14 From men with Your hand, O Lord,
From men of the world, whose portion is in this life,
And whose belly You fill with Your treasure;
They are satisfied with children,
And leave their abundance to their babes.
15 As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness;
I will be satisfied with Your likeness when I awake.

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How Can I Heal? Psalm 56

February 2, 2017 By in 2 For "Victims": "How Can I Heal"?, 6 Redemption & Healing, David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags:

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Psalm 56

56 Be gracious to me, O God, for man has trampled upon me;
Fighting all day long he oppresses me.
2 My foes have trampled upon me all day long,
For they are many who fight proudly against me.

3 When I am afraid,
I will put my trust in You.
4 In God, whose word I praise, Continue reading →

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The Fruit of Weakness – David and Saul

November 13, 2016 By in 3 Letting God Act, 5 Dealing with Narcissists, David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms), King Saul

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David to Saul (a narcissist) – I Samuel 24:10-12

10 Behold, this day your [Saul’s] eyes have seen that the Lord had given you today into my [David’s] hand in the cave, and some said to kill you, but my eye had pity on you; and I said, ‘I will not stretch out my hand against my lord, for he is the Lord’s anointed.’ 11 Now, my father, see! Indeed, see the edge of your robe in my hand! For in that I cut off the edge of your robe and did not kill you, know and perceive that there is no evil or rebellion in my hands, and I have not sinned against you, though you are lying in wait for my life to take it. 12 May the Lord judge between you and me, and may the Lord avenge me on you; but my hand shall not be against you.

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Saul to David – 1 Samuel 24:18-20

18 You have declared today that you have done good to me, that the Lord delivered me into your hand and yet you did not kill me. 19 For if a man finds his enemy, will he let him go away safely? May the Lord therefore reward you with good in return for what you have done to me this day. 20 Now, behold, I know that you will surely be king, and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hand.

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As we discussed here, purposefully allowing ourselves to be weak, rather than resisting, in the face of an attack from a narcissist, allows God to act and provides a stronger testimony to the narcissist and others.

David was a prime illustration of this in allowing himself to be weak in the face of the narcissistic onslaught from Saul.  Even though God had anointed David King, and David had done nothing wrong, and even though he had the strength with his “mighty men” to take Saul head-on, David allowed Saul to chase him, and trusted God to 1.  protect him, 2.  deliver him from Saul, and 3.  establish him as king in God’s time.   Even when David had the chance to kill Saul – which would end it all and fulfill by his own hand God’s declaration that he would be king – David chose to let God act and fulfill His word, rather than taking things into His own hands.

David’s testimony spoke volumes to Saul, with Saul admitting to himself and publicly what he probably already knew in his heart, that David would surely become the King.  David’s allowing himself to be weak and leave things in God’s hands, ultimately showed God’s strength to the nation of Israel, and was a testimony that Saul could not refute.

And, in the end, God dealt with Saul and David became king.

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Additional reading:  “Saul Hunts David”

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Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective

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David’s Prayer For God To Shame Those Who Magnify Themselves Over Us

October 16, 2016 By in David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags:

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Psalm 35

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Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me;
Fight against those who fight against me.
2 Take hold of buckler and shield
And rise up for my help.
3 Draw also the spear and the battle-axe to meet those who pursue me;
Say to my soul, “I am your salvation.”

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4 Let those be ashamed and dishonored who seek my life;
Let those be turned back and humiliated who devise evil against me.
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“HE Stands At The Right Hand of the Needy, To Save Him From Those Who Judge His Soul”

October 6, 2016 By in David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags:

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Psalm 109

O God of my praise,
Do not be silent!

2 For they have opened the wicked and deceitful mouth against me;
They have spoken against me with a lying tongue.
3 They have alsosurrounded me with words of hatred,
And fought against me without cause.
4 In return for my love they act as my accusers;
But I am in prayer.
5 Thus they have repaid me evil for good
And hatred for my love. Continue reading →

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Dealing With Narcissists* – David’s Prayer for Deliverance

June 4, 2016 By in 2 For "Victims": "How Can I Heal"?, 4 Biblical Praying, 5 Dealing with Narcissists, David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags:

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One of the questions frequently searched by people that find this blog is, “how do I pray about this situation with the narcissist in my life?”.  This would include, “how to pray for the narcissist”, “how to pray for ourselves in the situation”, and “how to pray for God’s intervention”.  We have already mentioned David’s Prayer for Justice, and David’s Prayer for Protection.  Here is a prayer from David for deliverance.  It is important to understand that effective praying has some requirements – we cannot reject God’s ways on the one hand and at the same time expect Him to “jump through hoops for us” on the other hand.

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Psalm 40:13-17

13 Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me;
Make haste, O Lord, to help me.
14 Let those be ashamed and humiliated together
Who seek my life to destroy it;
Let those be turned back and dishonored
Who delight in my hurt.
15 Let those be appalled because of their shame
Who say to me, “Aha, aha!”
16 Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
Let those who love Your salvation say continually,
“The Lord be magnified!”
17 Since I am afflicted and needy,
Let the Lord be mindful of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
Do not delay, O my God.

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Psalm 39 – David’s Musings At Evil People Brought As Part Of God’s Discipline Of Him

February 26, 2016 By in 2 For "Victims": "How Can I Heal"?, 4 Biblical Praying, David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags:

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Psalm 39 –  I said, “I will guard my ways
That I may not sin with my tongue;
I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle
While the wicked are in my presence.”
2 I was mute and silent,
I refrained even from good,
And my sorrow grew worse.
3 My heart was hot within me,
While I was musing the fire burned;
Then I spoke with my tongue:
4 “Lord, make me to know my end
And what is the extent of my days;
Let me know how transient I am.
5 “Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths,
And my lifetime as nothing in Your sight;
Surely every man at his best is a mere breath. Selah.
6 “Surely every man walks about as a phantom;
Surely they make an uproar for nothing;
He amasses riches and does not know who will gather them.

7 “And now, Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in You.
8 “Deliver me from all my transgressions;
Make me not the reproach of the foolish.
9 “I have become mute, I do not open my mouth,
Because it is You who have done it.
10 “Remove Your plague from me;
Because of the opposition of Your hand I am perishing.
11 “With reproofs You chasten a man for iniquity;
You consume as a moth what is precious to him;
Surely every man is a mere breath. Selah.

12 “Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry;
Do not be silent at my tears;
For I am a stranger with You,
A sojourner like all my fathers.
13 “Turn Your gaze away from me, that I may [j]smile again
Before I depart and am no more.”

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Dealing With Narcissists* – David’s Reminders To Himself

July 2, 2015 By in 5 Dealing with Narcissists, David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags:

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Psalm 62

62 My soul waits in silence for God only;
From Him is my salvation.
2 He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.

3 How long will you assail a man,
That you may murder him, all of you,
Like a leaning wall, like a tottering fence?
4 They have counseled only to thrust him down from his high position;
They delight in falsehood;
They bless with their mouth,
But inwardly they curse. Selah.

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Dealing With Narcissists* – David’s Prayer for Protection

June 24, 2015 By in 4 Biblical Praying, David's Perspective on Narcissism (Psalms) Tags:

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As with all other Bible topics, the Biblical perspective on narcissism (aka insolent pride) is interwoven throughout the Bible.   Therefore, the full picture is obtained through stitching together many pieces from many places in the Bible.  Searching this out in blog form has the disadvantage of being worked through in “real time” and therefore pretty raw and disjointed, but it has the big advantage of being able to link back to other blog entries as part of the process of weaving things together and providing better explanations.

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Proverbs can be considered more the wisdom of God (see here), and Psalms more the heart of God (see here).  To not interrupt the flow of this Psalm while still providing details that help to further understand narcissism, I have embedded links in key words, and provided notes.  So please click on the BOLD words and refer to the notes below for additional discussion on a particular insight related to narcissism.

 

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