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From Cain, the very first narcissist, narcissists have used incomplete and fake repentance as a tool to avoid the consequences of their actions, while not actually giving up their quest for what they want. It is a tactic for taking off the immediate heat while avoiding any genuine heart change. King Saul and Pharaoh were two examples.
When Saul told Samuel “I have sinned” after he demonstrated remorse, he “repented” to Samuel merely to retain power and gain honor:
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“Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned; I have indeed transgressed the command of the LORD and your words, because I feared the people and listened to their voice. … Then he said, “I have sinned; but please honor me now before the elders of my people and before Israel, and go back with me, that I may worship the LORD your God.” 1 Samuel 15:24,30
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And twice Saul “repented” to David to make himself look good in front of his soldiers (I Samuel 24:16-21 and I Samuel 26:21)
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Pharaoh provides another example of fake repentance. When God put pressure on him, Phar aoh twice summoned Moses and Aaron and announced that he had sinned.
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“Then Pharaoh sent for Moses and Aaron, and said to them, “I have sinned this time; the LORD is the righteous one, and I and my people are the wicked ones. “Make supplication to the LORD, for there has been enough of God’s thunder and hail; and I will let you go, and you shall stay no longer.” Exodus 9:27–28
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“Then Pharaoh hurriedly called for Moses and Aaron, and he said, “I have sinned against the LORD your God and against you. “Now therefore, please forgive my sin only this once, and make supplication to the LORD your God, that He would only remove this death from me.”” Exodus 10:16–17
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In both cases, Pharaoh’s claim was proven to be insincere. As soon as the pressure lessened, he reverted to his intention to maintain dominance over the Israelites rather than let them go.
Those who use fake repentance simply want to remove the consequences with no real change of behavior. It is deceptive and designed to take advantage of others’ goodwill and kindness. It is their way of getting back into your good graces. They may temporarily be on their best behavior but afterward will revert to type.
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A cousin to fake repentance is incomplete or partial repentance. It also seeks to avoid consequences without internal humbling.
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that there be no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal. For you know that even afterwards, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears. Hebrews 12:16-17
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Woe to them, for they have strayed from Me! Destruction is theirs, for they have rebelled against Me! I would redeem them, but they speak lies against Me. And they do not cry to Me from their heart when they wail on their beds; Hosea 7:13-14
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They turn, but not upward, they are like a deceitful bow; Their princes will fall by the sword because of the insolence of their tongue. This will be their derision in the land of Egypt. Hosea 7:16
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Genuine repentance is based on facing facts and humbling yourself by truly admitting you were wrong.
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If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us. I John 1:8-10
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This genuine repentance – unlike fake repentance which is based on regret, but not genuine humbling – results in salvation and the ability to walk forward confidently.
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For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. 2 Corinthians 7:10
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