Hypocrisy & Judgmentalism – Two Unmistakable Marks Of Narcissism – Part 2

Please see here for part 1

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Jesus further highlighted the link between hypocrisy and judging others in Matthew 7:1-5:

 “Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2 For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.  Matthew 7:1-5

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The word “judge” in Matthew 7:1 has the same root “krino”[1] as in the word hypocrite.  The hypocrite has a “log in his eye” – a euphemism for a “big problem” or “big character flaw”.  But, out of pride the hypocrite minimizes his own log to be “nothing” – saying to himself “I’m OK”.  He then pretends helpfulness by offering to take the speck (a little problem) out of his brother’s eye, but in fact is acting as a proud judge, setting himself up as superior.

His judgment is proof that he has a problem in the same life area in which he is trying to “help” his brother.

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Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge[2] another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.  Romans 2:1

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Isaiah called them “scoffers”, Jesus called them “hypocrites”.  With both terms, the root cause of the hypocrite’s behavior is insolent pride.

As we saw earlier in Proverbs 15;12 the scoffer in his insolent pride does not want to be, or to considered to be, wrong or flawed.  Neither does the hypocrite.  He minimizes or does not want to even acknowledge his own flaws, while at the same time sets himself up as a superior judge over others’ flaws.

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Hypocritical Judgmentalism = Projection

What the Bible calls passing judgment on others, the secular world of psychology calls projection.  One secular definition of projection[3] is…….

“Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is habitually rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude. It incorporates blame shifting.”

What the secular literature calls projection – as a defense mechanism – is in fact a heart issue of pride.  So, while outwardly it appears that the narcissist is “projecting” in order to “defend himself” (which sounds innocent) – he is in fact simultaneously doing two things – minimizing his own flaws while judging others’ flaws – from a single root motivation (pride).  While the outward actions may appear the same, and while the outward results may be the same, the root causes are different.

Those who have dealt with narcissists* most likely have experienced a situation where the narcissist accused you of a negative character trait or action, while at the same time they were far more guilty of the very same trait.  Yes, there may have been a speck of truth in what they said, as none of us are perfect and “we all stumble in many ways”.   But you may have been dumbfounded that someone who had the same issue in multiples would feel justified in attacking you for your little speck.

[1] https://biblehub.com/greek/2919.htm

[2] https://biblehub.com/greek/2919.htm

[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection

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Please see Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective for an overview of what this blog is about

Hypocrisy & Judgmentalism – Two Unmistakable Marks Of Narcissism – Part 1

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Jesus called the narcissistic scribes and Pharisees “hypocrites” seven times in Matthew 23.  There was a reason He emphasized it – He was making clear to them that even though they may have fooled people with their outward appearance of faux-righteousness, He clearly saw through to their proud, greedy hearts.  Hypocrisy is a prime trait of a scoffer/narcissist.

“The word hypocrite ultimately came into English from the Greek word hypokrites, which means “an actor” or “a stage player.” The Greek word itself is a compound noun: it’s made up of two Greek words that literally translate as “an interpreter from underneath.” That bizarre compound makes more sense when you know that the actors in ancient Greek theater wore large masks to mark which character they were playing, and so they interpreted the story from underneath their masks.”[1] Continue reading

A Biblical Perspective on “Narcissistic Projection”

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Those who have dealt with narcissists* most likely have experienced a situation where the narcissist accused you of a negative character trait or action, while at the same time they were far more guilty of the very same trait.  Yes, there may have been a speck of truth in what they said, as none of us are perfect and “we all stumble in many ways“.   But you may have been dumbfounded that someone who had the same issue in multiples would feel justified in attacking you for your little speck.

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Secular literature in the field of psychology has termed this behavior “projection”. Continue reading

Announcement..

I started this blog in 2013 as part of a personal search for answers on some difficult situations I was facing while working in a tough corner of the world.  My purpose in doing the blog was two-fold.  First, going public would force me to keep at it and continue to dig until I got to the real bottom of things.  Second, I have always had the view that the Bible speaks to literally everything (2 Timothy 3:16), and wanted to use this subject to demonstrate that to others.

While this blog is certainly not the most popular blog on the subject of narcissism, there has been enough positive feedback to encourage me to continue chipping away at it.

Writing blog posts came (kind of) easily when I was working on Biblical descriptions.  When I got to the “why’s” and “solutions”, the answers became more difficult to discuss in short blog posts.  As a result, I decided to swallow hard and attempt to put the entire picture together from A to Z all at one time.

We are pre-announcing the release of a book “The First Will Be Last:  A Biblical Perspective On Narcissism”.  It should be available in the next couple of months.

What are the differences between the book and this blog?  In addition to more clearly and succinctly explaining the topics of the current blog threads, the book “looks ahead” with a much deeper in-depth look at causes and solutions – with an eye toward greater hope and help to those who suffer.

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If you would like to be notified when the book becomes available, please submit your email address and we will let you know.

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P.S.   I intend to keep working away at this blog, so eventually the various elements of the book should find their way here.

 

 

Narcissist* Case Studies – Satan’s Narcissistic Traits

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Satan is the original and most clear example of a Narcissist / One with insolent pride.   (See here for an explanation on why Satan was the original narcissist).  By understanding Satan’s insolent pride and his narcissistic traits, we can get another glimpse into the characteristics of narcissists.  Here is a partial list of Satan’s narcissistic traits:

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His primary goal is to be exalted and worshipped

 

Isaiah 14:12-14

12 “How you have fallen from heaven,
O star of the morning, son of the dawn!
You have been cut down to the earth,
You who have weakened the nations!
13 “But you said in your heart,
‘I will ascend to heaven;
I will raise my throne above the stars of God,
And I will sit on the mount of assembly
In the recesses of the north.
14 ‘I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;
I will make myself like the Most High.’

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Luke 4:6-8

And the devil said to Him, “I will give You all this domain and its glory; for it has been handed over to me, and I give it to whomever I wish. Therefore if You worship before me, it shall all be Yours.”Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God and serve Him only.’”

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I Timothy 3:6

and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil.

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He is a liar – he lies all the time

 

John 8:44

44 You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

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He is lawless (rebellious)

 

1 John 3:4-8

Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness; and sin is lawlessness…….. the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil.

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He is a schemer

 

2 Corinthians 2:11

11 so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes.

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He sometimes acts with a false appearance of righteousness

 

2 Corinthians 11:14

14 No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.

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He tries to portray a (false) image of power

 

2 Thessalonians 2:9

that is, the one whose coming is in accord with the activity of Satan, with all power and signs and false wonders,

[The antichrist and false prophet will come with a show of power as satan’s agent, “empowered by satan”.  They will try to deceive the world with counterfeit acts.  But its a false image of power.  God will show the real power when His top angel grabs satan, binds him with a chain, and tosses him into the bottomless pit]

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He is a destroyer, and will take as many people as he can down with him

 

Revelation 12:9

And the great dragon was thrown down, the serpent of old who is called the devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.

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Revelation 12:12

12 For this reason, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them. Woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, knowing that he has only a short time.”

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He seeks out “targets”

 

1 Peter 5:8

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

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He flees when resisted

 

James 4:7

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

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He tries to ensnare his targets

1 Timothy 3:7

And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

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He looks for opportune times to make his moves….

Luke 4:13

13 When the devil had finished every temptation, he left Him until an opportune time.

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* Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”  please see here for an explanation
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Satan is the original narcissist who demonstrates the narcissistic traits of 1.  having a primary goal to be exalted and worshipped, 2,  being a liar who lies all the time, 3.  being lawless and rebellious, 4.  being a schemer, 5.  sometimes acting under the guise of “righteousness”, 6.  trying to portray a false image of power, 7.  being a destroyer who takes as many people down with him as possible in his defeat, 8.  seeking out his targets, 9.  waiting for an opportune time to go after his targets, 10.  trying to trap his targets with snares, and 11. fleeing when resisted.

Narcissist* Traits – Superiority And Contempt

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Luke 18:9-14

And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.

12 I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ 13 But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

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This is one of Jesus’ key stories to illustrate the difference between how a narcissist (one with insolent pride) approaches things in contrast to how one without insolent pride approaches it……. and very importantly also telling us the end result of the two approaches.  (See here and here on how we know that some Pharisees were narcissists.)   Some key phrases in the story match the definition given in Proverbs 21:24 – “”Proud”, “haughty”, “scoffer” are his names who acts with insolent pride”.

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  1. Proud – “told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous”, “was praying this to himself”, “I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get” (proud of his accomplishments)
  2. Haughty – “God, I thank you that I am not like other people”
  3. Scoffer – “Viewed others with contempt”

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In the above verse we see that one characteristic of their narcissism was to view others with contempt.

From Dictionary.com

Contempt

Noun –  The feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile or worthless; disdain; scorn

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Synonyms – Contempt, disdain, scorn — implies that [narcissists* have] strong feelings of disapproval and aversion toward what seems base, mean, or worthless.  Contempt is disapproval tinged with disgust;  ie – to feel contempt for a weakling.  Disdain is a feeling that a person or thing is beneath one’s [a narcissist’s*] dignity and unworthy of one’s notice, respect or concern

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The narcissistic Pharisee viewed himself as better than “others” (as represented by the guy standing next to him).    But Jesus made it clear that ultimately “everyone who exalts himself will be humbled”.   As we have previously discussed here and here, even though narcissists appear to be “getting away with it” (in the short term, at least), they ultimately do not get away with their actions.

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* Narcissist is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”.  Please see here for an explanation

Narcissistic Traits – Outwardly “Righteous”, Inwardly Rebellious

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Matthew 23:27-28

27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. 28 So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

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As we discussed here and here, the scribes and Pharisees are a particularly robust case study of narcissists.   They were experts at putting on a righteous act – partly for show, and partly because they actually believed it (see here) – while in reality being rebellious in their hearts toward God.

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This same trait of appearing godly outwardly, but being the opposite inwardly, will also be true of the narcissists that appear in the “last days”, as discussed here.
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2 Timothy 3:5 – holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.

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The key to detecting this is to 1.  watch what they do, and compare it to what they say,  and 2.  watch what they do in public vs. what they do in private.

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Matthew 23:1-5

23 Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples, saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses; therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them. They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger. But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments.

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Please see Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective for an overview of what this blog is about

 

Narcissist Traits – They Will Trash You If You Reprove Them

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As we have discussed previously, “scoffer” is one name to describe those who act with “insolent pride” – the Biblical term for what the secular world calls narcissism.  Therefore, we can learn more about the characteristics of narcissists by looking deeper at what the Bible says about scoffers.

The following table focuses on the fact that narcissists absolutely hate to be told that they are wrong.

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Level

Scoffer (Insolent Pride) Trait

Narcissism Trait

1

Proverbs 15:2 – A scoffer does not love one who reproves him, he will not go to the wise

A narcissist will first avoid situations where he may be told he is doing something wrong…..no matter how wise the “reprover” might be

2

Proverbs 13:1 – “…A scoffer does not listen to rebuke”

But if a narcissist somehow does find himself in position of being rebuked, he will refuse to listen.  Have you ever tried to rebuke a narcissist?  He will ignore you, verbally fight you, tell you why you are the one who is wrong – anything to keep from admitting that they may be wrong.

3

Proverbs 9:8 – “Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you..”

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Proverbs 26:24-26 – “He who hates disguise it with his lips, but he lays up deceit in his heart.  When he speaks graciously, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart.  Though his hatred covers itself with guile, his wickedness will be revealed before the assembly.”

Not only will a narcissist refuse to listen, but he will also hate you for reproving him.

 

He will disguise his hatred, and even speak graciously to you, but when he has the chance to trash you publicly he will take it.

4

Proverbs 9:7 – “He who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for himself…”

This results in a narcissist trashing your reputation.  A narcissist will not hesitate to trash the reputation of those who try to correct them – resulting in dishonor to you for daring to correct them.

Please see “Putting Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Into Perspective” for background on what this blog is about.

Narcissist* Traits – Sitting in the Seat of Scoffers / Narcissists as Judge

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Narcissists will frequently set themselves up as others’ judge.  And not in the sense of being a fair, balanced evaluator of things – more in the sense of “I am superior in mind and values, and whatever I think is right.  And all of the inferior people around me who think or act differently than me deserve to be mocked.”

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Psalm 1:1 – How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!

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“Sitting in the seat of scoffers” is a word picture that describes someone who is sitting down while bossing others around them – looking down on them and mocking them as they perform their duties.  They sit in judgment as someone who is the only one qualified (in their own minds) to evaluate others due to their inherent superiority.

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Scoffers / narcissists are ones who believe that they should set the rules, not follow the rules.  They believe that they are inherently better able to judge who is doing something “right” – according to the standards which they themselves have set (of course).  They believe that this one of their God-given roles and duties (not true).   They are the people who believe that they should be the boss or leader because of their superiority  – and should command others to work while they command and monitor them.  Narcissists will “sit”, and not lift a finger to actually work unless they are forced, or unless it somehow gives them an opportunity to do it “for show”.  Actual work is for inferior people.

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An example of this is shown by the classic Narcissists, the Pharisees (see here and here), in Matthew 23:4 –

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Matthew 23:4

They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger.

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The Pharisees created extra-Biblical rules for others to follow, but were unwilling to follow the rules themselves.  This is a classic example of a narcissist “sitting in the seat of scoffers”.

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  • narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here

Narcissistic Traits – They Want To Be The Center of Attention

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Matthew 23:1-7

23 Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples, saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses; therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them. They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger. But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments.They love the place of honor at banquets and the chief seats in the synagogues, and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called Rabbi by men.

3 John 1:9

I wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say.
As mentioned above, Narcissists / those with insolent pride want to be the center of attention.  While they would prefer to have it come by being exalted – as with the Pharisees and Diotrophes – sometimes they will “play the victim” in order to be the center of attention.  A narcissist’s victim status can take the form of  “woe is me”, or “my (usually little) problems are far worse than your (usually much bigger) problems”.
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Please see here and here for background on why the Pharisees can be called Narcissists, and here for background on why Diotrophes can be called a Narcissist.

Narcissist Tactics – They Conceal Their Hatred

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One reason dealing with Narcissists is tricky is that they do not play honestly.  They readily employ deception to accomplish their purposes.

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N-Laying Up Deceit In Their Heart

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A Narcissist hates anything or anyone that gets in the way of their “glory”.  (Yes, hate is a strong word, but if you consider things on a spectrum of love vs. hate, they are on the hate side of the spectrum.)   While they may respond with an immediate full frontal assault, they might also keep their feelings hidden until such time that they can do the most damage.    They will try to disguise their hatred with their lips, by speaking graciously even while they hate you in their heart.  But don’t believe them.  They still fully intend to “trash” you (Proverbs 9:7 – “he who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for himself”), or undermine you – they’re just waiting for a better time or opportunity. Continue reading

Narcissist* Traits – Big Time Hypocrites

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Matthew 23

vs 13 “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites……..

vs 14 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites……….

vs 15 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites……..

vs 23 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites……….

vs 25 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites………

vs 27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites………

vs 29 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites………

##Insolent Pride------------Proverbs 21-24-Proud-, -Haughty-, -Scoffer-are his nameswho acts with insolent pride.(Insolent Pride Narcissism) (1)

In one sense, we can all be called “hypocrites” because we often do not live according to the values we profess.  But for many people, it may not be actual hypocrisy, but rather a moral inconsistency of some sort.

Continue reading

Narcissist Traits – Religious, But Not Truly Moral or Righteous

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Matthew 23:23 – “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others.

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Continue reading

Narcissist Traits – Deceitfully Seeking The Admiration Of Men While Doing Evil

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Mark 12:38-44

In His teaching He was saying: “Beware of the scribes who like to walk around in long robes, and like respectful greetings in the market places, and chief seats in the synagogues and places of honor at banquets, who devour widows’ houses, and for appearance’s sake offer long prayers; these will receive greater condemnation.”

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Matthew 6:2

“So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites (i.e. the Pharisees) do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.  

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[Note:  We know Jesus was referring to the scribes and Pharisees when He mentioned “hypocrites” in Matthew 6 because of what it says in Matthew 23 – “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites…… linking the “hypocrite” label to the scribes and Pharisees.  The scribes and Pharisees were the narcissists of their day (see here and here and here and here) and are a good case study of narcissistic traits and tactics.]

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Jesus was seeking to protect those who were listening to Him through his cautionary “beware” about the hypocritical scribes (and Pharisees).  These narcissists

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  1. Coveted the admiration of men (“they like respectful greetings in the market places, and chief seats in the synagogues and places of honor at banquets”), instead of the humility more appropriate for their position as “men of God”
  2. Acted in disingenous ways to seek the admiration of men (“wore long robes (to imply piety)” and “for appearance’s sake offer long prayers”), while
  3. At the same time – out of greed – they were taking advantage of the most vulnerable people (“devour widows houses”) who could not resist the evil being done to them.

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The listeners needed to be wary of these narcissists not only because of the potential harm they could do through their greedy actions, but also (and even more importantly) because of the terrible example of “faith” which these narcissists were setting.  Instead of humbling themselves before the God of the universe, and praying secretly, they were putting on a show for only the exaltation which they would receive at the hands of men.  Following this supposed spiritual leadership of the scribes would be the opposite of a genuine life of the kind of faith pleasing to God, and spiritually dangerous to any who would follow.  Hence Jesus’ warning to “beware”.

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While Jesus did not call out these scribes by name, He did something even better by providing a guideline by which His listeners could recognize these people and others like them – and to prudently be on guard against them and their destructively prideful and self-seeking ways.

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Please see Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective for an overview of this blog.

Narcissist Traits – They Stumble A Lot

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Proverbs 16:18

18 Pride goes before destruction,
And a haughty spirit before stumbling.

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Narcissists seem to frequently step into “holes” and stumble – constantly creating difficulties for themselves which result in their scrambling around in order to extricate themselves.   There are several practical reasons for this: Continue reading