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Let’s do a little exercise on how to increase your Biblical perspective on a subject – it could be any subject – using “insolent pride” (the Biblical term for narcissism) as the example.

If you are starting from zero, it is impossible to immediately have the entire Biblical perspective right at the beginning.  You can only start with one piece, add another piece, and another piece, until a picture forms.  Consider it like building a wall brick by brick, or a painting brush-stroke by brush-stroke, or even a Lego figure lego-brick by lego-brick.  You analyze and interpret each brick, but also compare how it fits in with the next brick.  If you do not understand where a particular brick fits, you may have to set it aside until you see how it fits into the emerging figure.

Are there any guideposts that keep you on track at the very beginning?  You could use a picture of the finished work.  In the case of a Biblical perspective on something, the ultimate finished work is the nature and character of God, especially as shown through the revelation of His Son, Jesus Christ.  Key verses like I John 4:10, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 5:8, and John 3:16 provide foundational guideposts.

Let’s take a shot at how this brick building might work, using Psalm 119.

Psalm 119 talks about those with insolent pride.  How do we know this?  While the English word is “pride”, the Hebrew word (found through resources like http://www.biblehub.com) “zed” is the word for “insolent pride”.

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Original Word: זֵד
Definition: insolent, presumptuous
from zud
Definition:  insolent, presumptuous
NASB Translation:  arrogant (9), arrogant men (1), presumptuous (1), proud (2).

KJV Translation: proud

Looking at each instance where “zed” is used in Psalm 119, we find the following verses – and what they tell us about 1.  narcissists, 2.  how God deals with them, and/or 3.  how we should we respond.

Here we go.  Remember that each use of the word “proud” below is “zed” – or insolent pride.  The following is from the King James Version.

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Psalm 119:51 – The proud have had me greatly in derision: yet have I not declined from thy law.

• • Narcissists heavily scorned, mocked, looked down on, and criticized David (Hebrew word is  “lits” – the same as scoffer, one of the other terms for narcissists) – BUT
  • David did not use that attack from the narcissists as an excuse to walk away from God and his instructions for life

• • Narcissists created (“forged”) lies against David – BUT
  • Rather than focus on fighting the lies, David put his attention on wholeheartedly following God and doing what He said

• • Because narcissists twisted the truth and undermined David – even though he was innocent – David asked God to cause them fail in a humbling way that embarrassed and humiliated them – BUT
  • While GOD was dealing with narcissists in response to his prayer, David focused his attention in meditation on God’s word and how HE wanted David to live

• • This one is a little unclear in the KJV – the NASB says it this way “The arrogant have dug pits for me, people who are not in accord with Your Law.”
  • Narcissists do not walk according to God’s ways (although they may say that they do – ie they are hypocrites).
  • They dig pits (create traps, try to undermine) others

• • David asked God to promise good for him, backed by His own Person – (reputation, glory, blood if needed) – AND
  • Part of that promise would be for God to prevent narcissists from oppressing him.  He looked to God in specific prayer for HIS protection.
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There we are.  How many things did we learn about dealing with narcissists just from Psalm 119?  I count 14 – maybe you count a couple more or a few less.  Anyway, this is how a Biblical perspective is developed, line upon line.

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But the word of the LORD was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little  ‘

Isaiah 28:13

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Once again, when starting out do not come to a locked-in conclusion, until you have many pieces which make sense together.  If something does not make sense, set it aside until God further reveals it.  Do NOT develop your theology based on just a couple of verses.  We interpret every part of the Bible through consistency with the WHOLE Bible.  This takes a lifetime, but the effort and journey is worth it.

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Click here for the initial steps on how to know God personally

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Reviews of the book, “A Biblical Perspective On Narcissism” show up on Amazon, Good Reads, Audible, and Facebook, etc.  They are all interesting and helpful in their own way.  Some people take the book for what it is, while others approach it looking for the answers they want to hear – and express disappointment and even anger when the book does not give them the justification they are looking for.  Some people do not actually read it carefully, and claim the book says or doesn’t say what was actually written.  That’s pretty normal – people tend to interpret life through the lens of their experiences and wishes.

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There was a recent review that pretty accurately reflects what the book is really about – and by extension what this blog is about.  Even though the review is public, I’ll let the author remain anonymous.  Here’s the review.

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If you’re living with a narcissist, and you want a biblical way to handle it, please read this book! This is the eighth book I have read on narcissism. The others helped me understand what it is, how to spot a narcissist and how to set boundaries. But this book is the first to give me a way to deal with it and live with narcissists, instead of just avoiding or divorcing them.   Instead of just calling narcissism a problem or mental disorder, the author goes to the heart of the matter. Narcissism is an insolently proud heart in competition with God to be God. A narcissist acts charming and good, but seeks self-exaltation and is a deceiving liar at the core. Scriptures say when someone rejects God their foolish heart will be darkened. The author says that rejecting God and His truth is the beginning of narcissistic pride.

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This book provides actionable wisdom on how a narcissist thinks and behaves and how we can protect our hearts with God’s word and truth. Go to God first. Let Him confirm your worth. Put on the full armor of God. Speak truth to yourself to counter narcissistic lies. See the narcissist as they are: unreliable, lacking in judgment and contentious. Fight evil with good, don’t rebuke but pray for wisdom in this warfare.

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Other books validated my experience of narcissists, but this is the first time my responses such as finding a safe corner to go to when narcissistic contention gets overwhelming were validated. Or knowing that God allowed this experience to bring good for me and good character from me.

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In living with narcissists, turning to God is key, or as the author states, the experience will just remain a series of hurts in our lives (PG 273). God has used my narcissists to heal me, show me my pride and other sins, and teach me to forgive. I have failed to love my narcissistic enemies, but that’s the next step.

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After finishing this book, for the first time since realizing that I was living with a narcissist, I have hope. God’s word works in all situations. My narcissists don’t define me. God is my strength and my shield. He is the strength of my heart Psalm 73:26. I can overcome this suffering by going to God first in prayer, standing against lies with truth, returning good for evil, relying on scriptural wisdom for action steps, and guarding my heart with God’s armor during this warfare. Remember this: Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous, fear not and do not be afraid of them, for the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave nor forsake you.

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This book is definitely one that I will read again. The author made the narrative flow easily from one point to the next. And the points came from scriptures. I was reading another bible study at the same time, and the contrast caught my attention. This book let’s scriptures speak first and the narrative flow from what they say. The other book wrote the narrative first then found a verse to fit what they wanted to say. I thought about writing about my experiences with narcissists, but this book started what I was thinking and more.

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I have said before and want to say again that this book was the result of my own personal search for God’s perspective in dealing with these difficult people (I am “Barry” in the introduction to the book).  It is by no means perfect or the final answer, but rather a starting point and framework for further digging and seeking God’s grace.  I continue to dig and learn, and I’m sure you as well.

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I came across a couple situations in just the past week which reminded me that narcissists are often “sluggards” (very lazy people).  Why?  In many cases the narcissist’s insolent pride creates a sense of entitlement which gives them the attitude that “what I want should just be given to me, without me needing to work for it”.

The Bible describes those with insolent pride and sluggards as two different people, but also provides some common characteristics.  For example, the sluggard shows characteristics of insolent pride, either through thinking they are wiser (superior) to even wise men…..

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The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes Than seven men who can give a discreet answer. 

Proverbs 26:16

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