Dealing With Narcissists* – “Prepare Judgments”



Proverbs 19:29

29 Judgments are prepared for scoffers, And blows for the back of fools.


This Proverb is a true statement, but it purposely leaves out WHO prepares the judgment.  I think it purposely leaves it out because it varies by relationship.  In the case of someone whom God has placed in authority over us, the judgment is prepared by God.  An example is in I Samuel 26, where after David had been told by God that he would be King Saul’s (a narcissist, see here) replacement, David refused to kill his enemy (Saul) and fulfill God’s promise by his own hand.  David knew that God would get rid of Saul.  Since God was the One who put Saul in the place of authority, He would prepare and execute the judgment on Saul which was required.

But in cases where a Narcissist is under our authority, we are the ones required to act and deal with them.  An example of this is in 3 John 1:9-10.  John with the authority of an apostle was going to directly take on Diotrophes for his behavior (see here for how we know that Diotrophes was a Narcissist).

What are the “judgments” referred to here?  They are clear consequences delivered for violating clearly spelled out boundaries.
What is the purpose of judgments against scoffers / Narcissists?
  • To protect others
  • To provide an external compass to the Narcissist regarding their behavior, since they do not seem to have a very good internal compass
Why does it say “prepared”?  It could imply that rather than doing something, there is a sequence involved
  1. First, spell out the behavior required (or boundaries you want followed), and the consequences for not following them – this is the preparation of the judgment
  2. Then when the Narcissist tests (violates) the boundary (he will), remind him of the boundary and the consequence, and warn him that the next time the consequence will be delivered (the judgment will be executed)
  3. When the Narcissist violates the boundary again (He will), execute the judgment.


Judgments are prepared for scoffers....

Judgments are prepared for scoffers….



* Narcissists is a common-language term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” or “scoffers”.  See here and here and here for a more complete explanation