Reflecting On The Reflections

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I have been at this for a few months now, and have enjoyed and personally benefited from this path of learning on this particular subject.  I feel that we are 30-40% down this road of understanding of the Biblical perspective on narcissism and narcissists, described as “insolent pride” and “scoffers” in the Bible. The emphasis so far has been on identifying the traits and tactics of narcissists, or (scoffers/those with insolent pride).   In the future will be discussing much more about:

  • How to deal with narcissists / scoffers, from both a practical and “heavenly” perspective
  • How narcissists can be healed
  • How narcissists’ victims can be healed
  • God’s redemptive purposes in this subject
  • How some societies have narcissism deeply embedded in their culture and national character
  • How God “deals with” narcissists
  • and more

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Once we have gone through this first round of putting a lot of individual facts and perspectives from the Bible about narcissism on the table, we will go back and start to better organize and synthesize them into a more integrated understandable picture. As I have been working through this, I have noticed that while there are some similarities and overlaps between the secular approach to narcissism and the Biblical approach to narcissism, there are also some differences.   The secular approach to narcissism does a good job of discussing narcissistic traits, and the narcissist’s tactics.  And it provides a few practical means of dealing with narcissists, such as “low contact”, “no contact”, lowering expectations, setting boundaries, etc.  In some cases, these are very helpful and match up with the Biblical approach to the subject.  But the secular approach to the subject of narcissism does not dig very deeply into the “heart” side of narcissism, the causes of narcissism, or the distinctions in handling narcissism depending on the relationships.  The Bible talks much more about these and other similar subjects. We’re going to keep digging until we’ve reached as close to the bottom of this subject of narcissism and narcissists as possible.

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One final note.  I have tended to use the modern terms of narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic rather than the related Biblical terms.  This bothers me a little bit to do this, as I would generally prefer to use Biblical language to discuss Biblical topics.  However, to reach those who are looking for answers on narcissism, but would only search on that term rather than on the search term of “insolent pride” for example, I have tended to more heavily use those terms which people would more likely use for their Google search on the subject.

One final, final note.  I have two main purposes for doing this project.  One is that I am in a situation that is highly motivating to learn everything I can about the subject of narcissism, but from God’s perspective.  The other is to demonstrate that God has far superior wisdom than anyone else on every subject, including narcissism, and that this wisdom is “there for the taking”, right out of the Bible.  All we have to do is look.

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* Narcissist is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”  please see here for an explanation

5 responses

  1. It has been 3 months since I “left to live” my Christian marriage of almost 23 years. I am 57 years old. It was approximately 5 years ago when I realized I had married a chronic liar. I never questioned him because he was a Christian. I was terrified at my discovery and went from ulcers, gastritis, to constant illnesses, God led me to study about narcissism – I am still trying to find healing from this and that led me to your study. Thank you for it, and it was truly timely for me. They are professional liars, deceiving family, friends, and even pastors with their knowledge of the bible intertwined with lies. My eyes have truly been opened, yet they are still crying daily for God’s help and healing. My question is narcissism a demonic spirit, and is a Christian truly saved if they are a narcissist.

    • Thank you for your very good questions. To preface my response, this study is still a “work in process”. To respond to your second question first, a person can be a Christian and still walk in the flesh. Paul told the Corinthian believers that they were “still fleshly. For since there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not fleshly, and are you not walking like mere men?” But true Christians will show some evidence, however small, that the Spirit of Christ is in them.

      Your second question is a bit more difficult. Satan was the original narcissist (see ), and will try influence us to be like him. Jesus told the Pharisees in John 8:44 that they were “of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” However, there are also generational sins involved (see Exodus 20:5) and personal choices toward evil. The question of HOW someone becomes a narcissist is something I hope to get to the bottom of in the near future. The secular literature has narrowed it down to (oversimplying here) childhood wounds or being spoiled, but I think that there is much more to it than that.

      • If a person is saved, and goes to church, lays hands on the sick, speaks in tongues, and prays beautiful prayers, and also is bent toward the flesh (insolent pride) everyday,can this disobedience of known willful sin actually counterfeit the spirit of the Holy Ghost? How can a deceiver be a true believer? God hates a lying tongue, so isn’t this an abomination if the person doesn’t see that he has a problem and never wants deliverance or never repents? Christian narcissist are good at preaching God’s Holy Word, but do not yield themselves. Somehow they think they are exempt and beat down the alcoholic, drug addict, etc, but don’t realize that; Lying is in the top two list of the “six, yea thee seven things God hates.” I am afraid that lying is becoming the normal way of living from the executive branch on down to the lay person, The bible says all liars will not enter the kingdom of heaven, so how does the narcissist get deliverance if no one knows they are but their closest family? Do you know of any narcissist that has been delivered? Everything I have read leads me to think that the narcissist is so good at lying, that the person that tries to expose them will be looked at as crazy. Thank you so much and I am like you, I think this goes much deeper.

    • Sorry for my lack clarity on my previous response. The short answers are: 1. demonic forces can definitely contribute to narcissistic behavior, but are not the sole contributor – the person himself is ultimately responsible for his own behavior, and 2. A narcissist can be a genuine Christian – even though he is acting totally contrary to God’s way -demonstrated through showing SOME evidence of God’s work in his life – the evidence would be in the form of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5) – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control. Of course, if he shows NO evidence of God’s work in his life that’s another matter.

      Healing from abuse at the hands of a Narcissist can happen, but it will take a combination of time and understanding.

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