Dealing With Narcissists* – “Drive Them Out”

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As we said here, how you deal with a narcissist* (one with insolent pride, see here) will vary based on your relationship with them.  This is particularly true with the following “solution” – which would NOT be appropriate for committed relationships, but may be appropriate if they are an employee, for example.

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Proverbs 22:10 – Drive out the scoffer, and contention will go out, Even strife and dishonor will cease.

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As we saw here, scoffer is one of the “names” for those with “insolent pride” (Proverbs 21:24), which in turn is the biblical term for what the secular world terms “narcissist”.   Therefore “insolent pride” = “scoffer” = “narcissist”.

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There is one action described in Proverbs 22:10 – “drive them out”.  And three results from taking that action.  The three results are what happens when the narcissist is gone:

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  1. Contention will go out – Narcissists are contentious – they are frequently fighting with others as part of their quest to get what they want, or to have the superior position (win the argument, etc).  And they are frequently unhappy about something that doesn’t suit them or meet their “standard” of the way they think things should be.
  2. Strife will cease – Narcissists create strife – they are conflict creators.  There is always some turmoil surrounding a narcissist.
  3. Dishonor will cease – Narcissists trash people they work with (albeit very, very subtly), who they typically see as getting in the way of what they want.  They trash them in order to neutralize them (at one extreme), or at least to just complain about people that don’t act or operate the way they think they should (the scoffer/narcissist is the judge, see here)

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These three things are all very destructive to effective, smooth, harmonious teamwork.  So getting rid of the narcissist will also get rid of these things.

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There are certain situations especially in work environments where this is absolutely the best way to deal with them.  However, while this Proverb sounds like Biblical justification for the secular concept of “low contact” or “no contact”, it must be combined and balanced with other scriptures.  This Proverb is not automatic justification for divorce or cutting off uncomfortable family relationships.

Other ways of dealing with Narcissists that we have discussed so far include “Preparing Judgements” (see here), and “Avoiding” (see here).  But there is much more to discuss on how to deal with Narcissists, as we continue to work our way forward in this study.

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How You Deal With Narcissists Depends On The Relationship

 

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*  The term “Narcissist” is the secular term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”.  See here for an explanation.

 

 

5 responses

  1. Thank you for your study. I am finding it an invaluable resource. Just a quick question regarding this chart. Where do you place insolently prideful spouses? and the insolently prideful parent of an adult?
    God is so good.

    • Thank you for your comments, Jennifer. Those are the toughest of the people to deal with due to God-given responsibilities. So a quick categorization on the chart does not do justice to handling insolent pride in those particular relationships. I’ve been particularly searching in that area, and working on how to communicate the findings. More to come.

  2. As an adult who is old enough to be a grandparent, I too am very interested in your thoughts on dealing with insolently prideful parents, and how to protect grandchildren from them. I will keep up with your blog to see when you do have some insight on this topic! In the meantime the chart is a wonderful visual aid! Thank You!

  3. Thank you for your site..I have spent the last hour reading the archives. Do you have any articles specific to living with/separating from an abusive, narcissistic husband? I found the contentious wife article, and am wondering if you wrote something regarding husbands. Our children are also affected by his narcissism and have seen his abuse towards me. He holds a place of prestige in both the church (the children and I are now being “shunned”) as well as in his workplace. We are separated at this point. Thank you very much!

    • Thanks much for your comments. There is currently nothing on the site regarding how to deal with N husbands, although that is most definitely important and needed. I am hoping to summarize how to deal with N wives and husbands, as those are the most difficult of the relationships to navigate. But it will be some time before I am able to, since I am working forward slowly (too slowly) and I want to be sure the proper groundwork is laid before I get to the punchline. I am very sorry I can’t be more helpful with your pressing need.

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