Who Am I – By “Searching4Wisdom”

My son, if you will receive my words
And treasure my commandments within you,
Make your ear attentive to wisdom,
Incline your heart to understanding;
For if you cry for discernment,
Lift your voice for understanding;
If you seek her as silver
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
Then you will discern the fear of the Lord
And discover the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

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The best way to describe me is as a seeker of Him.  There are two primary reasons which I have currently chosen not to identify myself by name: 

  1. I have been working in one closed country, seeking to impact a neighboring even more closed country.  If I use my name in this blog it can be dangerous to those with whom I am connected.  It is better that remain anonymous.
  2. I currently want to guard against any personal motives to become known or “famous”.

But, if the Lord tells me otherwise I will follow Him in revealing myself.  Known or unknown does not make much difference to me – what counts is that others can benefit from the lessons He is taking me through.

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A little more background, if you’re interested……  I have

  1. Worked in international business for an extended period
  2. Been commended as a missionary by my local body, who values “accurately handling the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15) over academic credentials
  3. Been memorizing and meditating on scripture for a very long time.  (Psalm 1, Joshua 1:8, Psalm 119, etc)
  4. A strong interest in understanding the “why’s” rather than just the “what’s”
  5. A drive to view things from the top down – starting with the existence and nature of God, and moving from there to the “doctrines of grace”
  6. Been through several schools of “hard knocks”, as crucibles in which to learn more of Him and His ways
  7. A “high” view of scripture and a core theology in sync with the Westminster Confession.
  8. A desire to be truly faithful to His Word in what I write here
  9. Had my share of encounters with those with insolent pride, as well as personal battles within.  It drove me to see what He says about it, and these writings are simply a venue to record my search.

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And, as I write in this forum, I am constantly looking at my own heart to see the pride within.

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PS – Randy Alcorn’s blog post on the “The Problem of Plagiarizing by Pastors and Christian Leaders” is a good representation of what I aspire to. If you ever notice that I have compromised integrity by not providing proper attribution for content, please let me know.

6 responses

  1. 🙂 can I convince you to write out a word study on being humble like you have done pride? I really like how you go through things piece by piece.

  2. I’d just like to say thank you for this blog. I have fairly longstanding and serious issues with a family of narcissists I’ve been struggling to come to grips with in the spiritual sense. Your writing has been a breath of fresh air to me over the last several months since I landed on it. And I second JCFerg;s request. 🙂

    • Thanks much for your words, Connie. It encourages me to continue working away at this. I don’t feel qualified to expound much on humility….. but I have a hunch that the opposite of narcissism is actually genuine love, and I’m thinking of writing a blog on how fully abiding in His love for us enables us to genuinely love others. It is something that I really feel the need to learn, and thinking it through deeply may help me make progress in it.

  3. I’ve been married for 41 yrs. I became a Christian after married 9yrs. I could never figure out why I never felt loved. I was “taken care of” but not loved. He always threatened to divorce me. Everything was always my fault. I was the one who had to change. Last year I came across the definition of a narcissistic personality disorder and realized that was what I was dealing with. I looked for an alternative to the “get away as fast as you can” mantra that is everywhere else and that is how I found your blog in the fall of 2016. It was very helpful and at least gave a biblical perspective. Understanding it took away its power over me. I had no intention of leaving him. I loved him and wanted him to be happy. He died suddenly in April. I am incredibly sad on so many levels – his eternal destiny, what we might have had, his miserable feelings about himself. And yet there is relief too. Nobody yells at me anymore and makes me feel inadequate. I just don’t know how I should feel. I can’t talk to anyone else about it because our families and friends think he was a wonderful guy! I have lots of good memories and lots of bad ones. I wonder who I am and what toll it has taken on me. I’m so confused.

    • Thanks very much for your comment. Your statement “Understanding it took away its power over me” is so true. Having lived through this for so long means that your experience is seared deeply in your soul. While it may take time to internally heal and even to understand who you really are (as contrasted with your husband’s telling who you are), the Great Physician will surely heal you as you draw near to Him. God has a special heart for widows, so you can be sure that as you cry out to Him in your need that He will abundantly answer.

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