Dealing With Narcissists* – Avoid Them


2 Timothy 3:1-5

But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous,reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.


One possible action for dealing with narcissists is to simply stay away from them.  This is not always possible, and at times may not even be the correct action (see here for a discussion of selecting the proper response at the proper time).  But there are times when it is appropriate to avoid a narcissist / scoffer.  We will discuss when it is appropriate at a later time.

Note:  It is very important that actions to deal with narcissists / scoffers are appropriate for the particular situation.  Please see here for a further discussion.  “Avoiding them” might be most applicable as follows:

Dealing With Narcissists - "Avoid Them"

Dealing With Narcissists – “Avoid Them”

* Narcissist is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”.  Please see here for an explanation.

13 responses

  1. Looking at the graph is troubling for those who have been physically harmed by a violent sibling. I know it’s best for me to go “no contact” with my sister who is violent and physically hurt me, but there is always pushback from Christian’s because walking away from family is a cultural taboo. What about narcissistic siblings who cross the line into physical abuse? Thank you, great website

    • Thanks for your comment. The basic principle is that it is wise to “avoid” N’s, while not abdicating God-given responsibilities. Since we have less responsibility to our siblings than we do to spouses and children at home, for example, we are free to create more space (distance) with our siblings than we would with those other, weightier family responsibilities. Each situation is very different, so beyond this basic principle it is important to ask God for much wisdom, guidance, and grace in the situation.

  2. This morning I found your blog, and honestly can’t remember how I did. Lol. (Maybe God.) Anyways, I’ve read books on narcissism written by H.G. Tudor, which have been self-reflections as part of his treatment in therapy. While his books are scarily on-point, the only issue I have with them is the lack of Biblical connection. After reading them, a person might feel hopeless, as though there is no help possible. So I was excited to find this blog. I guess my question might be – from Tudor’s books and from your site (as much as I have read so far), avoidance seems to be the best option. However, in your visual up above, I didn’t see ‘husband’ or ‘wife’. As I am dealing with that very situation, I am literally letting God guide each step I take because I find very little on living with someone exhibiting narcissistic characteristics while trying to balance a Godly perspective and teach my kids how to navigate this journey with a Godly viewpoint as well. It’s not been easy. So, I guess my question is – how does marriage, with the concept of unity, play into this? I have recently realized what we have been dealing with (after almost two decades of marriage), and want to walk this path with God’s love but also wisdom, discernment, and providing proper boundaries. Maybe you have addressed this here, but I have not found anything yet on that. Thanks! (Good information here, by the way.)

    • Thanks very much for your comment, Susan. I appreciate your spirit of wanting to honor God while at the same time dealing well with your difficult situation. This whole blog is a work in process, and your question is one I have not yet dealt fully addressed. For husbands there are several blog entries on this under the theme of dealing with a contentious wife. It can include 1. finding a “corner of the roof” (to get occasional space), 2. showing love and kindness whenever possible, irrespective of whether it is deserved, 3. NOT relinquish manliness, including all aspects of leading the family, 4. consistently pray for his wife for reproof, enlightened eyes, true spiritual healing, 4. trust God to provide lots of little solutions while you’re waiting for the BIG solution, 5. focus on constantly doing the right things in God’s eyes irrespective of the wife’s response (“wisdom is vindicated by her deeds”), 6. yield to God’s humbling, refining fire which will result in the grace to endure, 7. look to God for His goodness and the meeting of emotional needs, 8. look for and try to enlighten the children on family patterns of narcissism (both in the grandparents as well as the children), 9. trust God for protection and 10. pray for a miracle in the wife’s life and in the relationship. I have not dug in as deeply for wives, but my initial view is that the solutions would be similar, adjusted for the differences in natures and roles. I hope to deal with all of these general commments thoroughly and Biblically within the next few months. These are very painful situations, but the God of the universe is not absent.

  3. I am so grateful to have found this website. It is truly a blessing to have a biblical perspective on narcissism broken down scripturally like this. The secular websites can really bring you down after awhile. Continued blessings to you for your obedience in this ministry.

  4. I really appreciate your explanation on this topic and i some how feel helped but will be greatful if you could jst explain more and may be quote the bible verses on how to deal with a narcissist parent (pastor)

  5. I’ve just formed a business with someone who’s showing a lot of narcissistic traits. Because of my involvement with narcissists in the past, I know that this won’t be the dreamy experience that I hope for. It will become troublesome and stressful because this business partner will not be cooperative. And it’s not my responsibility to point to an adult narcissist how they are getting it wrong. Fortunately it’s early enough in the business formation to back out.

    • In my experience, working with narcissists ultimately means more than their just being troublesome and stressful. They will continually work toward things being a one-way street – them getting the lions share of the benefits, credit, etc with you getting the lions share of the work, pain, blame, etc. Picking the right people to work with is half the battle in business.

  6. Pingback: Dealing With Narcissists* – Avoid Them, continued « Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

  7. Pingback: Dealing With Narcissists* – Case Study on “Let Them Alone” « Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

  8. Pingback: Dealing With Narcissists* – “Drive Them Out” « Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism

  9. Pingback: Dealing With Narcissists – “Avoid Them” Using An Employment Test « Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism


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