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In the case of Absalom, there is not a clear statement in the Bible about his insolent pride / narcissism. ย However, there are clues regarding Absalom’s drive for self-aggrandisement, which ultimately led to his own death. ย Absalom’s quest for exaltation resulted in his destruction, and in the process was a tool used by God to chasten David for his sin in the case of Bathsheba and Uriah.
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While Jesus often taught about how to respond to life situations from a “Heavenly perspective”, He also frequently demonstrated it. ย One example that is relevant to our study on how to deal with narcissists is when Jesus was invited to dinner by the Pharisee, Simon.
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Luke 7:36-50
36ย Now one of the Pharisees was requesting Him to dine with him, and He entered the Phariseeโs house and reclined at the table. 37ย And there was a woman in the city who was a sinner; and when she learned that He was reclining at the table in the Phariseeโs house, she brought an alabaster vial of perfume,38ย and standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet and anointing them with the perfume.
39ย Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself, โIf this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner.โ
40ย And Jesus answered him, โSimon, I have something to say to you.โ Continue reading
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Psalm 19:7
7ย The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul;
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple..
A “testimony of the Lord” is a Biblical account of God’s dealing with someone in accordance with His nature and His ways. ย While those accounts often do not specifically outline the Biblical principles at play, they are excellent illustrations of truth gleaned in other parts of the Bible. ย A “case study” or a “cautionary tale” might be modern ways of referring to these accounts. ย And as Psalm 19:7 and I Corinthians 10:11 state, these accounts can provide wisdom to those who are naive (or simple).
One such account is that of Eliab,ย David’s oldest brother.
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1 Chronicles 2:13-15
13ย and Jesse became the father of Eliab his firstborn, then Abinadab the second, Shimea the third, 14ย Nethanel the fourth, Raddai the fifth, 15ย Ozem the sixth, David the seventh;
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. 3 John 1:9-10 9ย I wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves toย be first among them, does not acceptย what we say.ย 10ย For this reason,ย if I come, I will call attention to his deeds which he does, unjustly accusing us with wicked words; and not satisfied with this, he himself does notย receive theย brethren, either, and he forbids those who desireย to do soย andย putsย themย out of the church. .
Matthew 7:15-1615ย โBeware of theย false prophets, who come to you in sheepโs clothing, but inwardly areย ravenous wolves.ย 16ย You willย know them by their fruits. .
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.
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Luke 15:1-2
15ย Now all theย tax collectors and theย sinners were coming near Him to listen to Him.ย 2ย Both the Pharisees and the scribesย beganย to grumble, saying, โThis man receives sinners andย eats with them.โ
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In response to crowds coming to hear Jesus, the (narcissistic) Pharisees and scribes did not publicly reveal their jealously, but rather grumbled among themselves with a haughty and holier-than-thou attitude about His “receiving sinners”.
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Rather than directly rebuke them for their attitude, Jesus responded by telling them three parables.ย Jesus’ main point in each of the parables was God’s loving grace in seeking those who are “lost”, and joy when they return to Him.ย This was in obvious contrast with the Pharisees who did not care about the people to whom Jesus was ministering, but only about the fact that they were not the center of attention.
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In Jesus’ third story of the “prodigal son” [read the entire parable here], He also used the narcissistic older brother’s response as a mirror to point out to the narcissistic Pharisees their prideful, self-centered obstructionism (Luke 11:52), and lack of mercy.ย Jesus was not defensive at the Pharisees’ grumbling, but took the path of grace by gently pointing out their error via through this story – if they were willing to listen.
But a man named Ananias, with his wife Sapphira, sold a piece of property, and kept back some of the price for himself, with his wifeโs full knowledge, and bringing a portion of it, he laid it at the apostlesโ feet. ย But Peter said, โAnanias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back some of the price of the land? ย While it remained unsold, did it not remain your own? And after it was sold, was it not under your control? Why is it that you have conceived this deed in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God.โย Acts 5:1-4 .The consequences to both Ananias and Saphira were surprisingly severe – God struck them both dead on the spot.ย Ananias and Sapphira brought into the church the Pharisaic tendency to feign righteousness while hiding greed.ย Godโs severe response sent a clear message to His emerging Church – lying for the sake of appearances, combined with selfish motives and secret deception, was not acceptable. . .
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.
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Acts 8:9-24
9ย Now there was a man named Simon, who formerly was practicing magic in the city and astonishing the people of Samaria, claiming to be someone great; 10ย and they all, from smallest to greatest, were giving attention to him, saying, โThis man is what is called the Great Power of God.โ 11ย And they were giving him attention because he had for a long time astonished them with his magic arts. 12ย But when they believed Philip preaching the good news about the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were being baptized, men and women alike. 13ย Even Simon himself believed; and after being baptized, he continued on with Philip, Continue reading
Jesus illustrated how a scoffer operates through a story of a Pharisee and a tax collector praying in the temple:
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And He (Jesus) also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and viewed others with contempt: โTwo men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.ย The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: โGod, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. ย I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.โ But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, โGod, be merciful to me, the sinner!โ.ย I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.โ Luke 18:9-14 .Key phrases in the story match the definition of a narcissist given in Proverbs 21:24 (“proud, haughty, scoffer are his names who acts with insolent pride”). . The Pharisee was
eksouthenรฉล[ii]:ย to cast out as nothing; “to count as nothing, to treat with utter contempt, i.e. as zero”; “despise utterly”; to regard something as lacking any standing (value). .Contempt[iii] is disapproval tinged with disgust; i.e. – to feel contempt for a weakling.ย Disdain is a feeling that a person or thing is beneath one’s [a narcissist’s*] dignity and unworthy of one’s notice, respect or concern.ย Noun – The feeling with which a person regards anything considered worthless The Phariseeโs self-exaltation left no room in his heart for the man next to him, whom he considered to be not even be worthy of his consideration. The term โPhariseeโ was shorthand for this character type, but not all Pharisees were this way.ย For example, Nicodemus (John 3) was a secret believer, and Gamaliel (Acts 5), the grandson of Hillel the Elder, was genuinely open to Godโs purposes.ย Also, John 12:42 says that โmany even of the rulers were believing in Himโ. The above example is derived from a comparison of traits pointing to this Pharisee as a case study on the Biblical equivalent of narcissism, but we have an even more direct connection.ย The Bible called out the Pharisees in general as scoffers hundreds of years before they appeared.ย They provide a particularly robust case study. . [i] https://biblehub.com/greek/1848.htm [ii] From HELPS Word Studies [iii] From dictionary.com . . Click here for initial steps to peace with God
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.
. Matthew 9:9-13
Then it happened that as Jesus was recliningย at the tableย in the house, behold, many tax collectors andย sinners came and were dining with Jesus and His disciples. When the Pharisees sawย this, they said to His disciples, โWhy is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?โ ย ut when Jesus heardย this, He said,ย โIt isย notย those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. ย But go and learn what this means: โI desireย compassion,ย and not sacrifice,โ forย I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.โAs Jesus went on from there, He saw a man called Matthew, sitting in the tax collectorโs booth; and He *said to him,ย โFollow Me!โย And he got up and followed Him.
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Here are some observations:
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.
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Luke 10:25-37
And a lawyer stood up and put Him to the test, saying, โTeacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?โ ย And He said to him, โWhat is written in the Law? How does it read to you?โ ย And he answered, โYou shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.โ ย And He said to him, โYou have answered correctly; do this and you will live.โ
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As was made clear by his answer, the lawyer already knew the Biblical answer to his question, implying that his question was not a sincere inquiry. ย Luke called it a “test” – the lawyer was simply asking the question to see what kind of response he would get, with the chance perhaps that Jesus would say something that the lawyer could use against him – or possibly to show that he was somehow better than Jesus. ย This is a typical narcissist tactic. Continue reading
and on the wing ofย abominationsย will comeย one whoย makes desolateWhat does this mean?ย He will come on the scene acting abominably in every way, leaving destruction in his wake.ย This sounds like how a narcissist rolls, and brings to mind one of our previous descriptions.
The scoffer [aka narcissist] is an abomination to menย Proverbs 24:9 .What other narcissistic traits and tactics does this despicable man show?ย He: .
And he willย destroy many whileย they areย at ease. He will evenย oppose the Prince of princes, But he will be broken without human agency.ย ย Daniel 8:25and
[He will destroy] even until a complete destruction, one that is decreed, is poured out on the one who makes desolate.โย Daniel 9:27and
but it will not succeed, for theย end is stillย to comeย at the appointed time.ย ย Daniel 11:27and
he will prosper until the indignation is finished, for that which is decreed will be done.ย Daniel 11:36and
yet he will come to his end, and no one will help him.ย Daniel 11:39. This insolently proud person, this narcissist of all narcissists will appear to succeed (as they all do), but God will step in with the last word, judge, and completely destroy him.ย As we see storm clouds rising, it is important to know what’s coming – but that, in the end, God and those who love Him, prevail. . . Click here if you want to know the initial steps for how to know God personally.
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.
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One of the most frequently asked questions is whether a narcissist can change.ย To answer this properly we need to know what kind of change we are talking about.
It is possible for people to modify their behavior for a period to accomplish a short-term goal.ย And it is possible for people to moderate how they handle certain situations to avoid consequences.ย However, in both cases, when under stress the narcissist will revert to โtypeโ and reveal what is really in his heart.
While a narcissistโs short-term tactical behavior modification may provide temporary relief for those suffering at his hands, the narcissist has not truly changed.ย Since the source of his thoughts, words, attitudes, and actions is the insolent pride residing in his heart, true and lasting change can only come from his heart.
The conventional wisdom is that narcissists rarely, if ever, truly change.ย However, that does not mean it is not possible.ย Continue reading
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.
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How Jesus handled His encounters with the narcissistic* Pharisees are very instructive. ย The following encounter is a case in point.
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Matthew 15
15ย Then some Pharisees and scribes* came to Jesus from Jerusalem and said, 2ย โWhy do Your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat bread.โ 3ย And He answered and said to them, โWhy do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? 4ย For God said, โHonor your father and mother,โ and, โHe who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.โ 5ย But you say, โWhoever says to his father or mother, โWhatever I have that would help you has been given to God,โ 6ย he is not to honor his father or his mother.โ And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition.7ย You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you:
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8ย โThis people honors Me with their lips,
But their heart is far away from Me.
9ย โBut in vain do they worship Me,
Teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.โโ
10ย Behold, this day your [Saul’s] eyes have seen that the Lord had given you today into my [David’s] hand in the cave, and some said to kill you, but my eye had pity on you; and I said, โI will not stretch out my hand against my lord, for he is the Lordโs anointed.โ 11ย Now, my father, see! Indeed, see the edge of your robe in my hand! For in that I cut off the edge of your robe and did not kill you, know and perceive that there is no evil orย rebellion in my hands, and I have not sinned against you, though you are lying in wait for my life to take it. 12ย May the Lord judge betweenย you and me, and may the Lord avenge me on you; but my hand shall not be against you.. Saul to David –ย 1 Samuel 24:18-20
18ย You have declared today that you have done good to me, that the Lordย delivered me into your hand and yet you did not kill me. 19ย For if a man finds his enemy, will he let him go away safely? May the Lord therefore reward you with good in return for what you have done to me this day. 20ย Now, behold, I know that you will surely be king, and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hand. .As we discussed here, purposefully allowing ourselves to be weak, rather than resisting, in the face of an attack from a narcissist, allows God to act and provides a stronger testimony to the narcissist and others. David was a prime illustration of this in allowing himself to be weak in the face of the narcissistic onslaught from Saul. ย Even though God had anointed David King, and David had done nothing wrong, and even though he had the strength with his “mighty men” to take Saul head-on, David allowed Saul to chase him, and trusted God to 1. ย protect him, 2. ย deliver him from Saul, and 3. ย establish him as king in God’s time. ย Even when David had the chance to kill Saul – which would end it all and fulfill by his own hand God’s declaration that he would be king – David chose to let God act and fulfill His word, rather than taking things into His own hands. David’s testimony spoke volumes to Saul, with Saul admitting to himself and publicly what he probably already knew in his heart, that David would surely become the King. ย David’s allowing himself to be weak and leave things in God’s hands, ultimately showed God’s strength to the nation of Israel, and was a testimony that Saul could not refute. And, in the end, God dealt with Saul and David became king. . Additional reading: ย “Saul Hunts David” . Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.
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