Category Archives: Narcissist Traits & Tactics

Narcissist Tactics – A Story Of Manipulation

December 19, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics 1 Comment
. I am currently dealing with a counseling situation, elements of which I have seen before in a missions context.  The short version is that a narcissist has subtly manipulated a group of people in her (I would call it evil) attempt to undermine and dominate her husband.  Her insolent pride arose from growing up in a tough situation, resulting in deep underlying fear which has resulted in an ongoing attempt to control her world in insolent pride.  The book The First Will Be Last:  A Biblical Perspective on Narcissism explains this more fully.  While we can be empathetic to her root causes, and pray for healing, she is also responsible for her own responses to her early trauma. . Like in other cases, the narcissist has spread lies and half-truths to turn everyone against the husband.  And as usual, he in this case is not perfect or blameless. In addition, he responded to the manipulation against him in frustration and and anger.  Both of these helped the N more easily succeed in painting herself as a saint and her husband as the bad guy. . Most people, especially in a Christian context, expect those they are talking with to be truthful.  As a result, we naively tend to believe what we’re being told without fact-checking it.  This is contrary to what God warns us in Proverbs
.
The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him.
.
Proverbs 18:17
.
This has made it far easier for the narcissist to manipulate the situation.
.
There are examples in Scripture of narcissists manipulating others to become tools in reaching their goals.  The primary one is how the Pharisees (Biblical examples of narcissists, see here) manipulated Pilate to do their dirty work.  John 19:1-16 describes the entire sequence, but the following statements by the Pharisees demonstrate how they manipulated and bullied Pilate to accomplish their goals
.
Jesus answered, “You [Pilate] would have no authority over Me, unless it had been given you from above; for this reason he who delivered Me to you has the greater sin.” 12 As a result of this Pilate made efforts to release Him, but the Jews cried out saying, “If you release this Man, you are no friend of Caesar; everyone who makes himself out to be a king opposes Caesar.” 
.
John 19:11-12
.
and
.

And he [Pilate] *said to the Jews, “Behold, your King!”  So they cried out, “Away with Him, away with Him, crucify Him!” Pilate *said to them, “Shall I crucify your King?” The chief priests answered, “We have no king but Caesar.” 

So he then handed Him over to them to be crucified. 

John 19:14-16

.
The chief priests did not truly see Caesar as their king.  They said that to manipulate and force Pilate into doing their bidding.  Pilate did not take the time nor had the courage to dig into what they were really doing, with the serious consequence of becoming complicit in the death of Christ.  As we saw earlier, Jesus said that the chief priests had the greater sin, but He did not let Pilate off the hook.
.
Back to our counseling situation – what is the husband to do if the narcissistic wife successfully recruits others against him?  Lies against you are virtually impossible to fight on your own.  We must always remember that we can have the God of the Universe as our defender if we are righteous before Him.  The husband first must look to himself and own his mistakes, and yield to God.
.
Who can say, “I have cleansed my heart, I am pure from my sin”? 
Proverbs 20:9
.
The process starts with looking internally, and rather than defending yourself admit that there is some measure of sin in your own heart.  If you have done something wrong confess and ask forgiveness, even if the N will use that against you.
.
But once that is done, boldly ask God to work on your behalf to protect and defend you
.
  1. Ask God to humble the N
  2. Ask God to expose the N’s lies and manipulations
  3. Ask God to defend your reputation (to the extent He sees it is necessary)
  4. Ask God to thwart or counteract specific moves the N makes …
  5. Ask God to bring you specific encouragement and blessing
. Psalm 17 illustrates this:

Hear a just cause, O Lord, give heed to my cry; Give ear to my prayer, which is not from deceitful lips. 2 Let my judgment come forth from Your presence; Let Your eyes look with equity. 3 You have tried my heart; You have visited me by night; You have tested me and You find nothing; I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress. 4 As for the deeds of men, by the word of Your lips I have kept from the paths of the violent. 5 My steps have held fast to Your paths. My feet have not slipped.

6 I have called upon You, for You will answer me, O God; Incline Your ear to me, hear my speech. 7 Wondrously show Your lovingkindness, O Savior of those who take refuge at Your right hand From those who rise up against them. 8 Keep me as the apple of the eye; Hide me in the shadow of Your wings 9 From the wicked who despoil me, My deadly enemies who surround me. 10 They have closed their unfeeling heart, With their mouth they speak proudly. 11 They have now surrounded us in our steps; They set their eyes to cast us down to the ground. 12 He is like a lion that is eager to tear, And as a young lion lurking in hiding places.

13 Arise, O Lord, confront him, bring him low; Deliver my soul from the wicked with Your sword…

Psalm 17:1-13

.
On top of this is to pray that God would “enlighten the eyes of the heart” of the narcissist (Ephesians 1), so that they would have a radical revelation of who God really is, and see themselves clearly in comparison to God’s greatness and glory.  This is the foundation to their healing.  This discussion is way beyond the scope of this blog post, but outlined in the book, “The First Will Be Last:  A Biblical Perspective On Narcissism“. . . Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissist Tactics – Creating Rules , But Acting Above Those Same Rules

October 31, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags:
.

They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger. 

Matthew 23:4

.
Jesus explained a key trait of insolently proud, narcissistic people (illustrated by the Pharisees – see here and here and here) to create rules for others which hypocritically not keeping those same rules.  This is consistent with their arrogant “I’m above you” attitude.  Not only do they believe that they have superior wisdom and standing that makes it right and natural for them to tell you what to do, but their high position of “heavy” (in their own minds) responsibility justifies their not keeping those same rules.  After all, in their own mind they deserve a break since they are doing “so much” for you, right?  Both are clear demonstrations of the assumed superiority of their insolent pride. . The Pharisees used their limited co-opted authority as an opportunity to lord it over those whom they could.  One means they used to do this, as well as to prove their superiority, was to create performance requirements which they could then hang on people.  Of course, due to their own exceptionalism, the Pharisees did not bind themselves by those same rules.  That’s for the little people. . This is a typical narcissist approach – constantly maneuvering, manipulating, and creating situations where they can exercise their rightful position (in their own mind) as top dog – both by creating requirements for others, and by hypocritically and arrogantly thinking they are above those same requirements. . God’s way is just the opposite. .

But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” 

Matthew 20:25-27

.
Narcissists full of insolent pride only look at their immediate gain, with no thought for what God values and will reward for all eternity.  They may think they are becoming “first”, but it is only temporary – lasting for this life at most. . . Click here for initial steps to know God personally . . Please see http://biblicalperspectivesonnarcissism.com/2013/10/21/narcissist-case-studies-in-the-bible/  for an introduction to narcissism case studies in the Bible.
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissist Tactics – Bullying To Suppress Opposition To Their Goals

October 7, 2021 By in Dealing With Narcissists, Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags:

.

People who have dealt extensively with narcissists will often feel “beat up” by the narcissist – sometimes without understanding how or why they feel that way.  This is because a narcissist frequently uses coercive behavior in order to get what they want in a specific situation, or to achieve or maintain a position of dominance over someone.  Sometimes this bullying is overt (think playground bully) sometimes covert (manipulative, demeaning comments).

.

From Dictionary.com – a bully is
.
a blustering, mean, or predatory person who, from a perceived position of relative power, intimidates, abuses, harasses, or coerces people, especially those considered unlikely to defend themselves:
.
The Pharisees – prime examples of insolent proud narcissists in the Bible – exemplified this.  They tried to squelch anything and anyone supportive of Jesus by using their power to expel them from the synagogue – shaming and possibly even economically damaging that person.  This was illustrated in John 9’s description of their response to Jesus healing a man blind from birth.
.
The Jews then did not believe it of him, that he had been blind and had received sight, until they called the parents of the very one who had received his sight,  and questioned them, saying, “Is this your son, who you say was born blind? Then how does he now see?” His parents answered them and said, “We know that this is our son, and that he was born blind;  but how he now sees, we do not know; or who opened his eyes, we do not know.
.
Ask him; he is of age, he will speak for himself.”  His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jews; for the Jews had already agreed that if anyone confessed Him to be Christ, he was to be put out of the synagogue.  For this reason his parents said, “He is of age; ask him.” 
.
John 9:18-23
.

Continue reading →

Share

Narcissist Traits – They Set Themselves Up As Lawgiver

August 22, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: ,

.

James 4:11-12

11 Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?

.

Someone who “speaks against a brother” is doing something far more serious than may appear on the surface.  James says that he is actually setting himself up (in his mind) higher than God as the law-setter and judge of what is right and wrong.  He then uses the standard he has created as the basis for passing judgment on others for not matching up to his standard.  This is exactly how a scoffer (aka narcissist) operates. Continue reading →

Share

Narcissist* Traits – Don’t Rely On Their Inflated, False Claims

April 22, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: ,

 

Proverbs 25:14 – Like clouds and wind without rain Is a man who boasts of his gifts falsely.
.
.
.
 “Clouds and wind without rain” may not mean much to today’s urbanites – its a word picture from an agrian time.  But to a farmer looking for the crucial rain needed for a successful crop, clouds and wind are signs that the necessary rain should be coming soon.  Then, if does not come, the farmer is let down that the promise of rain did not result in actual rain.
 .

Continue reading →

Share

Narcissistic Traits – “I would never have done it that way”

April 1, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: 1 Comment
. Matthew 23:29-30 –  “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the monuments of the righteous, and say, ‘If we had been living in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partners with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’

.

The Pharisees were saying in effect, “I would never have done it the way they did it.”  This is a classic statement from a narcissist / scoffer (see here and here how the Pharisees were narcissists / scoffers with insolent pride).   In this situation these narcissists were doing two things at the same time

.

  1. They were setting themselves up as judge of other’s actions (see here for Scoffers – Narcissists as Judge)
  2. They were setting themselves up as superior to the other person.  But as typical of the Narcissist, the superiority was only in their own minds – not in reality – and didn’t actually have to be demonstrated.  It is very easy to say after the fact “I would never have done that”, when you don’t have to actually prove it through your actions.
. To top it off, they were so arrogant that they were willing to trash their own ancestors in order to exalt themselves. . But Jesus turned the tables and called them on it: .
Matthew 23:31-32 – So you testify against yourselves, that you are sons of those who murdered the prophets.  Fill up, then, the measure of the guilt of your fathers. . . Click here for initial steps to peace with God
 
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissist* Traits – Using “Faith” As Justification For Personal Ambition

March 14, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: 1 Comment
. Among narcissists* in the Christian community, there are sometimes those who will use “faith” as justification or cover for their personal ambitions.  And they will quickly accuse those who oppose their plans as having “a lack of faith”, or possibly use other manipulative means to clear out the opposition and continue with their plans.  One such other manipulative method would be for the narcissist to say “I heard this straight from God”…..who can question “God’s leading”?  (Actually it is still possible to question based on scripture, the counsel of others, etc., but the narcissist will fight very hard to not be challenged in any way or by any means). These narcissistic actions are consistent with narcissist’s tendency to use any means available to them to achieve their goals – including religious means.  This was discussed in the following blog entries:
“Narcissistic* Traits – Outwardly Righteous, Inwardly Rebellious” “Narcissist* Tactics – Saying Whatever They Have To, To Get What They Want”  “Narcissistic* Traits – Religious, But Not Truly Moral or Righteous”
  The narcissist’s way is not God’s way.  In fact, the narcissist’s way of pride and self-exaltation is the exact opposite of God’s way of humbly serving others.  Narcissist’s actions give unbelievers an excuse to hate Jesus.  But God will ultimately deal with these narcissists.

.

Matthew 7:15-19
15 “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will[know them by their fruits. [Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? 17 So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. . * Narcissist is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”  please see here for an explanation
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissistic Traits – Outwardly “Righteous”, Inwardly Rebellious

March 11, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: , ,
.
Matthew 23:27-28
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. .
As we discussed here and here, the scribes and Pharisees are a particularly robust case study of narcissists.   They were experts at putting on a righteous act – partly for show, and partly because they actually believed it (see here) – while in reality being rebellious in their hearts toward God.
 .
This same trait of appearing godly outwardly, but being the opposite inwardly, will also be true of the narcissists that appear in the “last days”, as discussed here.
 .
2 Timothy 3:5 – holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.
.
The key to detecting this is to
  1. watch what they do, and compare it to what they say,  and
  2. watch what they do in public vs. what they do in private.
.
Matthew 23:1-5

Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples, saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses; therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them. They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger. But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments.

. . Please see Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective for an overview of what this blog is about  
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissist Tactics – Saying Whatever They Have To, To Get What They Want

March 7, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: , 1 Comment
. John 19:15
So they cried out, “Away with Him, away with Him, crucify Him!” Pilate *said to them, “Shall I crucify your King?” The chief priests answered, “We have no king but Caesar.”
. As we saw in

Narcissism Case Studies – The Pharisees, Overview

Narcissist Case Studies – Pharisees – How We Know They Were Narcissists, Part I

Narcissist Case Studies – How We Know “The Pharisees” Were Narcissists, Part 2

Additional Perspectives on The Pharisees

  the scribes and Pharisees of Jesus’ day were classic Narcissists.   A careful analysis of their actions can give some clues as to how narcissists approach things.  In this case, there was no way that the chief priests really wanted Caesar to be their king – the whole nation of Israel was chafing at Roman rule and would have loved to cast it off.  And they were actively looking for a Jewish king.  So when the chief priests, said “we have no king but Caesar”, they were blatantly lying simply to make sure that Pilate did not let Jesus go. As discussed in other posts, some of the Messianic Psalms clearly lay out the characteristics of the narcissistic / insolent pride Pharisees.  And a key tactic was speaking falsehood to get what they wanted.   That is a prime tactic of all narcissists. .
 Psalm 12

12 Help, Lord, for the godly man ceases to be, For the faithful disappear from among the sons of men. 2 They speak falsehood to one another; With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak. 3 May the Lord cut off all flattering lips, The tongue that speaks great things; 4 Who have said, “With our tongue we will prevail; Our lips are our own; who is lord over us?”

. .
Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” Please see Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective for an overview of this blog
   
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissist Traits – Religious, But Not Truly Moral or Righteous

March 4, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: , , ,

.

Matthew 23:23 – “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others.

.

Continue reading →

Share

Narcissist Tactics – Flattery

February 11, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: , , , , , ,
.

Jude 16-19

16 These are grumblers, finding fault, following after their own lusts; they speak arrogantly, flattering people for the sake of gaining an advantage. .  17 But you, beloved, ought to remember the words that were spoken beforehand by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ, 18 that they were saying to you, “In the last time there will be mockers, following after their own ungodly lusts.” 19 These are the ones who cause divisions….. .
Narcissists are big flatterers.  Many times it is obvious that they have something they are trying to get out of you through flattery and “buttering you up”, but sometimes it may not be so obvious.  Or they may be setting you up through flattery for something even worse than just trying to get something from you.  Either way, they they are using flattery in order to gain some kind of advantage over you in the pursuit of their desires, self-exaltation, or just plain winning.  They are doing it to entrap you into something that will hurt you and benefit them.  This flattery is not sincere, but instead is deceptive and manipulative.  The wise person will recognize the manipulation and insincere praise, and avoid them.. .

Romans 16:17-18

17 Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. 18 For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting. .

Proverbs 29:5

5 A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps.

.

Proverbs 26:28

28 A lying tongue hates those it crushes, And a flattering mouth works ruin.

.

Psalm 5:9

9 There is nothing reliable in what they say; Their inward part is destruction itself. Their throat is an open grave; They flatter with their tongue.

.

Psalm 12:2

2 They speak falsehood to one another; With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak.

.

Click here for the initial steps to peace with God .
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissistic Traits of the Man of Lawlessness

February 3, 2021 By in Bible Case Studies, Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags:
. A previous post  “The Most Narcissistic Person Ever” describes a person on his way whom the book of Daniel calls a despicable person and Jesus calls the abomination of desolation in Matthew 24.  The person is described as a beast in Revelation and is also commonly known as the anti-christ.   He is sometimes called the “man of sin”, although New Testament scholar Bruce M. Metzger argues that “man of lawlessness” is the original reading even though 94% of manuscripts have “man of sin”.[1] This person will be the embodiment of insolently proud rebellion against God and the ultimate seeker of dominance over man – having the ultimate goal of people worshiping him (as a proxy for Satan) instead of God.  He will be far worse than any despot who has ever lived – including modern examples like Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Idi Amin, etc..  In ancient times there were many more.  Daniel 9:27 describes him briefly this way,
and on the wing of abominations will come one who makes desolate
What does this mean?  He will come on the scene acting abominably in every way, leaving destruction in his wake.  This sounds like how a narcissist rolls, and brings to mind one of our previous descriptions.
The scoffer [aka narcissist] is an abomination to men  Proverbs 24:9 .
What other narcissistic traits and tactics does this despicable man show?  He: .
  • Is insolent (8:23)
  • Is skilled in intrigue (8:23)
  • He leverages other power bases, especially Satan (8:24) 
  • Is shrewd and causes “deceit to succeed by his influence”  (8:25)
  • Magnifies himself in his heart,  (8:25)
  • Destroys many while they are at ease.  (8:25)
  • Is a despicable person (11:21)
  • Takes control through manipulation (11:21)
  • Practices deception (11:23)
  • Speaks lies at the negotiating table (11:27)
  • Becomes disheartened at opposition (11:30)
  • Gets angry at opposition (11:30)
  • Recruits others against his opposition (11:30)
  • Uses smooth words to recruit others (11:32)
  • Magnifies himself above everything else (11:36)
  • Speaks monstrous things about and against God (11:36)
  • Honors those who acknowledge his position and greatness (11:39)
  • Gives high positions to his acolytes (11:39)
  • Turns part of his conquests into cash (11:39)
  • Lashes out against any possible challenge (11:44)
. The good news is that even though man cannot defeat this guy, God can and will – suddenly and completely
And he will destroy many while they are at ease. He will even oppose the Prince of princes, But he will be broken without human agency.   Daniel 8:25
and
[He will destroy] even until a complete destruction, one that is decreed, is poured out on the one who makes desolate.”  Daniel 9:27
and
but it will not succeed, for the end is still to come at the appointed time.   Daniel 11:27
and
he will prosper until the indignation is finished, for that which is decreed will be done.  Daniel 11:36
and
yet he will come to his end, and no one will help him.  Daniel 11:39
. This insolently proud person, this narcissist of all narcissists will appear to succeed (as they all do), but God will step in with the last word, judge, and completely destroy him.  As we see storm clouds rising, it is important to know what’s coming – but that, in the end, God and those who love Him, prevail. . . Click here if you want to know the initial steps for how to know God personally.  
 
 
   
   
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissist Traits – No Limit To Their Kingdom Building

January 24, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics
.

One characteristic of true narcissists / those with insolent pride is that there is no limit to their desire for being exalted by others.   They are the ultimate “kingdom builders”, with the goal of showing their “greatness”.  The only thing limiting them is their opportunity.  That is why classic narcissists like Hitler and Napoleon would could be relatively obscure, but when given the opportunity would move quickly to create the biggest kingdom possible – at the expense of many other people, of course.

.

Habakkuk 2:4-5

4 “Behold, as for the proud one, His soul is not right within him; But the righteous will live by his faith. 5 “Furthermore, wine betrays the haughty man, So that he does not stay at home. He enlarges his appetite like Sheol, And he is like death, never satisfied. He also gathers to himself all nations And collects to himself all peoples.

. As the ultimate narcissist, this very much applies to Satan.  Satan’s goal is to gather to himself all nations, and collect to himself all people – to himself and away from God – even though Satan knows full well that those people will be utterly destroyed as a result.   (See here for the first step in not falling into Satan’s trap)

.

.

Click here for a short discussion of the first steps to know God personally .
  • Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissist Traits – They Focus On Your Version Of Their Problem

January 24, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: ,

.

Matthew 7:3-5

Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?   Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.      Matthew 7:3-5
. While the Bible does not say explicitly say that everyone who is a hypocrite is a narcissist (a narcissist is someone with insolent pride, or a “scoffer” – see here), it does make clear that narcissists are hypocrites (see here).   Jesus points out in Matthew 7 one characteristic of hypocrites – they will ignore or discount their own flaws, while at the same time focusing intently on your flaws which “really need to be fixed”.  This is consistent with narcissistic traits – superiority in their heart (see here and here) resulting in feeling the need to fix you, while thinking their own issues are “no big deal”, or too minor to even notice. . This is also consistent with narcissistic trait of creating rules, but acting above those same rules (see here) . One interesting part of this verse is that if you hold a toothpick up to your own eye, it looks very big – a “log”.  But if you hold that same toothpick up to your friend’s eye, it looks small – a “speck”.  But it’s the same toothpick.  The implication is that a narcissist could have the equivalent “flaw” in his life that he feels compelled to rid you of. . This is similar to what is described in Romans 2 .

Romans 2:1 

2 Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. 

.
 

.

.

.

*narcissist is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”.  See here for more.

Click here for the initial steps you can take to find peace with God
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share

Narcissist* Traits – Superiority And Contempt

January 20, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags:

.

Luke 18:9-14

9 And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ 13 But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
.

This is one of Jesus’ key stories to illustrate the difference between how a narcissist (one with insolent pride) approaches things in contrast to how one without insolent pride approaches it……. and very importantly also telling us the end result of the two approaches.  (See here and here on how we know that some Pharisees were narcissists.)   Some key phrases in the story match the definition given in Proverbs 21:24 – “”Proud”, “haughty”, “scoffer” are his names who acts with insolent pride”.

.

  1. Proud – “told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous”, “was praying this to himself”, “I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get” (proud of his accomplishments)
  2. Haughty – “God, I thank you that I am not like other people”
  3. Scoffer – “Viewed others with contempt”
. In the above verse we see that one characteristic of their narcissism was to view others with contempt. From Dictionary.com Contempt

Noun –  The feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile or worthless; disdain; scorn

.

Synonyms – Contempt, disdain, scorn — implies that [narcissists* have] strong feelings of disapproval and aversion toward what seems base, mean, or worthless.  Contempt is disapproval tinged with disgust;  ie – to feel contempt for a weakling.  Disdain is a feeling that a person or thing is beneath one’s [a narcissist’s*] dignity and unworthy of one’s notice, respect or concern

.
The narcissistic Pharisee viewed himself as better than “others” (as represented by the guy standing next to him).    But Jesus made it clear that ultimately “everyone who exalts himself will be humbled”.   As we have previously discussed here and here, even though narcissists appear to be “getting away with it” (in the short term, at least), they ultimately do not get away with their actions. .
 
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share