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I came across something so compelling I just had to share.
I saw a small fraction of the Olympics, including the women’s 400 meter hurdles won in world record time by Sydney Maclaughlin. I then heard that she was a believer in Jesus, and came across this quote from her Instagram page:
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“Let me start off by saying, what and honor it is to be able to represent not only my country, but also the kingdom of God. What I have in Christ is far greater than what I have or don’t have in life. I pray my journey may be a clear depiction of submission and obedience to God. Even when it doesn’t make sense, even when it doesn’t seem possible. He will make a way out of no way. Not for my own gratification, but for His glory. I have never seen God fail in my life. In anyone’s life for that matter. Just because I may not win every race, or receive every one of my heart’s desires, does not mean God had failed. His will is PERFECT. And He has prepared me for a moment such as this. That I may use the gifts He has given me to point all the attention back to Him. “ (https://www.instagram.com/p/CSMa9_mrhQU/)
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YES !!!
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God knew Sydney’s heart and her testimony – including her willingness to genuinely give God the glory – and provided her a platform so that HE would be made known to a much broader audience.
The narcissistic approach is to exalt ourselves first, with God possibly benefitting from OUR reflected glory as a secondary consideration.
But the non-narcissistic, humble approach is to “go low” in our hearts, seek to honor God first, and then let Him decide how He wants to use it – whether very visibly like Sydney Mclaughlin, or invisibly in a way that will only be revealed in eternity.
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Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally
Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
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Narcissists tend to consider themselves indispensable, the “key” to the success of the enterprise at hand, whether it’s running the operation to handing out pencils. Their insolent pride starts with their own importance, and then imputes that to the importance of their role and also to the larger enterprise.
It is (proud) human nature to think our _____ is best, but N’s take this to an extreme. This inflated view of themselves assumes they are more important than others and even God.
Paul told the Athenians at the Areopagus,
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The God who made the world and everything that is in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made by hands;nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things;
Acts 17:24-25
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N’s tend toward work and professions that allow themselves to “play God” (politics, etc.), but they can pursue their superiority no matter what venue they find themselves – even as simple as how to arrange the tables and chairs for the church social function.
It is one thing to have a healthy sense of responsibility and value the task at hand. But, feeling as though our enterprise is the most important and that we are indispensable to it opens the door to all kinds of unkind and abusive behavior. It can result in the N treating people with a haughty, superior attitude –
criticizing others for not doing things the way they would have
demanding that everyone around make their piece of the work the top priority
making sure that everyone is there to serve them and their needs
praising those who fall in line with their self-serving plans, and snubbing those who don’t
feeling justified in lashing out when things don’t go their way
As Paul told the Athenians, if we truly understand that 1. it is God’s priorities that really matter – to love Him and others, 2. that He is the source of all accomplishment and 3. that He does not “need” our service, it would put ourselves and our service (even if it is “secular work”) in the right perspective – humbly and kindly serving in collaboration with others, with God and not ourselves at the center.
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Click here for an overview of what this blog is aboutClick here for initial steps to peace with God
Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
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Are we there yet?
A friend recently surprised me at lunch by saying that many of his friends actively discussed the approaching return of Christ. I thought I was alone in feeling that we’re getting close. Could we actually be at the end?
How are we to know? Which of the rapture positions are correct – pre-trib, post-trib, or pan-trib (it will all pan out in the end)? And how do we prepare for what’s coming our way?
Until now we had the luxury to debate what the Scripture says, but at the actual end that debate crashes into reality. When we are close to God’s destination our views will have real-world implications on how we proceed, and how to prepare.
God has provided “trip instructions” on the road to the end. And He has provided a key signpost which will tell us which set of instructions are correct. We are announcing a new book outlining those signposts, especially the one which will tell us that it really is “time to prepare”.
click for link to Amazon Books
As the title says, Time To Prepare: Signposts On The Road To The End outlines
the Biblical signposts on the road to the end
the key signpost that will tell us which side of “the debate” is actually true
practical Biblical advice for what’s coming our way
The clear Biblical perspective in these pages will give you a solid base, and hope, for what looks to be a bumpy ride ahead.
Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
While Jesus often taught about how to respond to life situations from a “Heavenly perspective”, He also frequently demonstrated it. One example that is relevant to our study on how to deal with narcissists is when Jesus was invited to dinner by the Pharisee, Simon.
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Luke 7:36-50
36 Now one of the Pharisees was requesting Him to dine with him, and He entered the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table.37 And there was a woman in the city who was a sinner; and when she learned that He was reclining at the table in the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster vial of perfume,38 and standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet and anointing them with the perfume.
39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner.”
40 And Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.”Continue reading →
7 The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple.
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A “testimony of the Lord” is a Biblical account of God’s dealing with someone in accordance with His nature and His ways. While those accounts often do not specifically outline the Biblical principles at play, they are excellent illustrations of truth gleaned in other parts of the Bible. A “case study” or a “cautionary tale” might be modern ways of referring to these accounts. And as Psalm 19:7 and I Corinthians 10:11 state, these accounts can provide wisdom to those who are naive (or simple).
One such account is that of Eliab, David’s oldest brother.
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1 Chronicles 2:13-15
13 and Jesse became the father of Eliab his firstborn, then Abinadab the second, Shimea the third,14 Nethanel the fourth, Raddai the fifth,15 Ozem the sixth, David the seventh;
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3 John 1:9-109 I wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say. 10 For this reason, if I come, I will call attention to his deeds which he does, unjustly accusing us with wicked words; and not satisfied with this, he himself does not receive the brethren, either, and he forbids those who desire to do so and puts them out of the church.
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The tip-off to Diotrephes’ narcissism / insolent pride was his “love to be first among them”. His insolent pride resulted in
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Not accepting what the apostle John was saying.
Accusing John with wicked words
Not receiving (ie – providing the opportunity) others who might challenge him
Getting rid of those who might possibly side with others
Classic narcissist behavior.
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Tragically, there are too many pastors and leaders of ministries who have the “Diotrephes Syndrome”. Their core purpose is self-exaltation instead of shepherding the flock of God. They construct their “ministries” and message around what will best serve their delusions of grandeur. These are some of the false prophets whom Jesus warned us about
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Matthew 7:15-16
15 “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits.
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What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
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Gaslighting. You hear this pop-psychology term-du-jour a lot lately. It is kind of cringeworthy, often making me wonder, “what do they really mean”?
The term “gaslighting” originated from the British play Gas Light (1938), and its 1940 and 1944 film adaptations. It is now used in clinical psychological literature, as well as in political commentary and philosophy.
The name of a play / movie is used to describe behavior. This is similar to the origin of the psychological term “narcissism” which uses a character from Greek mythology in the “science” of psychology. Hmmm…..
Here’s how Wikipedia defines it.
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Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgement. It may evoke changes in them such as cognitive dissonance or low self-esteem, rendering the victim additionally dependent on the gaslighter for emotional support and validation. Using denial, misdirection, contradiction and disinformation, Gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s beliefs.
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A shorthand way to get your mind around it is to think of gaslighting as “deceptive manipulation”. It is a particularly subtle, underhanded, tricky, manipulative form of lying. Lying is very difficult to detect and guard against. This “deceptive manipulation” form of lying is even more difficult to detect and guard against.
Of course, the Bible is way ahead on this as well as “narcissism”. There is nothing new under the sun.
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Satan is the original liar…
You (Pharisees) are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He (Satan, the devil) was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44
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…. and the original practitioner of “deceptive manipulation”.
But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness…. 2 Corinthians 11:3
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Since deception is one of the primary tools of the narcissist, “gaslighting” or more precisely “deceptive manipulation” can be one of the tools in their toolbox. Prudently guarding against it is foundational. We cannot prevent them from lying to us and attempting to deceive us. They will speak according to their internal nature, and God will hold them accountable for their lies. However, there are things we can do.
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How can we defeat lies? With truth.
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Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally
As you might imagine, I have a strong bias toward using Biblical terms rather than the popular secular term of the moment.
Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
15 Now all the tax collectors and the sinners were coming near Him to listen to Him.2 Both the Pharisees and the scribes began to grumble, saying, “This man receives sinners and eats with them.”
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In response to crowds coming to hear Jesus, the (narcissistic) Pharisees and scribes did not publicly reveal their jealously, but rather grumbled among themselves with a haughty and holier-than-thou attitude about His “receiving sinners”.
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Rather than directly rebuke them for their attitude, Jesus responded by telling them three parables. Jesus’ main point in each of the parables was God’s loving grace in seeking those who are “lost”, and joy when they return to Him. This was in obvious contrast with the Pharisees who did not care about the people to whom Jesus was ministering, but only about the fact that they were not the center of attention.
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In Jesus’ third story of the “prodigal son” [read the entire parable here], He also used the narcissistic older brother’s response as a mirror to point out to the narcissistic Pharisees their prideful, self-centered obstructionism (Luke 11:52), and lack of mercy. Jesus was not defensive at the Pharisees’ grumbling, but took the path of grace by gently pointing out their error via through this story – if they were willing to listen.
Narcissists will often lie in order to both get what they want while at the same time looking good in the eyes of others.
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There is a case study in Acts 4:34-5:11 about a couple – Ananias and Sapphira – who wanted to maintain their standing in the community and get the acclaim that came from being outrageously generous, without being as generous as they pretended. They faked it.
The book of Acts describes a very early church that was incredibly generous in meeting each other’s needs, to the point that “there was not a needy person among them (Acts 4:34). People were even going so far as to sell their land and houses to provide for the needs of their fellow believers in Jesus.
Ananias and Sapphira wanted to look like they were as generous as everyone else – pride in maintaining an outward appearance – but they really did not want to give up the full proceeds from the sale of their property (inward greed). So, they deceptively made it look like they were bringing the whole proceeds when in fact they were not.
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But a man named Ananias, with his wife Sapphira, sold a piece of property, and kept back some of the price for himself, with his wife’s full knowledge, and bringing a portion of it, he laid it at the apostles’ feet. But Peter said, “Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back some of the price of the land? While it remained unsold, did it not remain your own? And after it was sold, was it not under your control? Why is it that you have conceived this deed in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God.” Acts 5:1-4
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The consequences to both Ananias and Saphira were surprisingly severe – God struck them both dead on the spot. Ananias and Sapphira brought into the church the Pharisaic tendency to feign righteousness while hiding greed. God’s severe response sent a clear message to His emerging Church – lying for the sake of appearances, combined with selfish motives and secret deception, was not acceptable.
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Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
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Most of you have heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words”. This well-worn phrase from the past, like many others, actually has a Biblical foundation. Consider these for example,
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By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments.The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; I John 2:3-4
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John’s point is that the proof of your what’s in your heart is in what you do, not in what you say. If you say something and do the opposite, it is what you do that counts.
Titus said the same thing;
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They profess to know God, but they deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work. Titus 1:16
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As did James
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What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? James 2:14-16
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No matter what they may claim, a narcissist’s functional (actual) philosophy is just the opposite. They believe that what they claim is what really counts.
David accurately described them in Psalm 12
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They speak falsehood to one another;With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak.May the Lord cut off all flattering lips,The tongue that speaks great things;Who have said, “With our tongue we will prevail;Our lips are our own; who is lord over us?” Psalm 12:2-4
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Narcissists believe that they can achieve what they want through words, even if those words have no underlying substance.
A narcissist may get away with this “all talk, no action” approach for awhile, but it will catch up with them at some point. They may fool some people for awhile, or jump from person to person to avoid being found out, but as always God has the last say in everything.
He sees their act, knows the lack of substance, and makes the final judgment based on actions, not words.
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“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Matthew 7:21-23
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
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Do not slander a slave to his master, Or he will curse you and you will be found guilty.
Proverbs 30:10
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It is very tempting when you are dealing with a narcissist co-worker to “take it to boss”. However, this has a high likelihood of backfiring. In the process you will likely get something wrong – the way you approached it, your attitude, getting one or more facts wrong, etc. The narcissist will typically quickly figure out what you have done wrong, and somehow use that to turn the tables on you.
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Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
9 Now there was a man named Simon, who formerly was practicing magic in the city and astonishing the people of Samaria, claiming to be someone great;10 and they all, from smallest to greatest, were giving attention to him, saying, “This man is what is called the Great Power of God.”11 And they were giving him attention because he had for a long time astonished them with his magic arts.12 But when they believed Philip preaching the good news about the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were being baptized, men and women alike.13 Even Simon himself believed; and after being baptized, he continued on with Philip, Continue reading →
5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
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When dealing with an N that is driving us crazy, in addition to crying out “God help me!”, God invites us to ask Him for wisdom. This is HIS wisdom – not human wisdom – including practical tips, things of the heart, and even things from God’s perspective. James says that if you ask for wisdom, He will give it to you – generously.
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But there is an important qualifier to getting this wisdom – “not doubting”. The doubting here is not so much doubting as to whether you will receive the wisdom, but doubting as to whether you really want it – whether you really want to do things God’s way even if He gave you the clear right answers. We know this is through James’ statement in verse 7 – ” 7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” Double-mindedness is to have two minds or opinions on the same subject – wanting to do things God’s way, but at the same time wanting what we ourselves want. With that heart, God could tell us the right answer, and we might not even know we received the answer because we were only looking for the answer we wanted to see. In order to ask for true wisdom in dealing with the situation, to receive it, and to KNOW that we have received it, we must start with the heart attitude that we will act on the wisdom God gives us without interjecting our own “will” into the matter.
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This invitation to ask for wisdom is in the context of trials, which James describes as tests (we will look into this later). Of course, our challenge with our narcissist certainly qualifies as a trial and a test.
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James 1:2-4
2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
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So go ahead – ask for wisdom in how to deal with your challenging narcissist. But don’t expect to get what you are asking for unless you are truly serious about doing it His way instead of your own way. All along being aware of the admonition in Proverbs:
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Proverbs 14:12
12 There is a way which seems right to a man,But its end is the way of death.
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Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last
What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.
4 I sought the Lord, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. 5 They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces will never be ashamed. 6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him And saved him out of all his troubles. 7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them.
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Often, we will not have any idea what to do with the difficult Narcissist-caused circumstance in which we find ourselves. After struggling and searching about on our own for answers, we may ultimately reach the end of our rope – where the only thing we are able to do is to cry out to the Lord to help us, to save us, to deliver us. We may not know what to ask for, but simply to ask God for a miracle. While we may not see any immediate answers, this crying out to God and asking for help can be the first step of a process where He will bring us to much firmer ground. We may not even see that this crying out is the first step – until we look backwards months or years in the future.
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We probably needed to get to our wit’s end, to be exhausted of all our answers, in order to motivate us to finally look up to Him for help. And even though we made God our last resort instead of our first resort, He will graciously and lovingly respond in helping us – although it may be a process instead of a bolt-of-lightning miracle. God has been there waiting to help us all along.
16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.
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According to I John 2:16, ultimately all “sin issues” that people have (“all that is in the world”) can be boiled down to one of three root causes
Lust / sexual immorality (“the lust of the flesh”)
The desire for things (“the lust of the eyes”)
Pride and the desire to exalt oneself (“the boastful pride of life”).
It could also be a combination of one or more as illustrated by the Pharisees’ taking actions to fulfill desires (“lust of the eyes”) that they then covered up so that they would not look bad (“boastful pride of life”). Continue reading →
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