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Psalm 35
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Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me;
Fight against those who fight against me.
2 Take hold of buckler and shield
And rise up for my help.
3 Draw also the spear and the battle-axe to meet those who pursue me;
Say to my soul, “I am your salvation.”.
4 Let those be ashamed and dishonored who seek my life;
Let those be turned back and humiliated who devise evil against me.
Continue reading
Narcissistic Groups, Cultures, and Nations
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Just as there can be narcissism / insolent pride within an individual, there can also be entire cultures and nations that have narcissist characteristics.
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What is a narcissistic culture? A culture where the preponderence of the people are narcissists and act in narcissistic ways. Or a culture (or nation) where the entire group acts toward other groups with the heart and behavior of a narcissist.
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Two such cases in the Bible were the nation of Moab and the nation of Edom. Moab was the nation which came from the incestuous relationship between Lot and his older daughter. Edom was the nation which descended from Esau, Jacob’s twin brother.
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Referring to Moab……
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Isaiah 16:6
6 We have heard of the pride of Moab, an excessive pride;
Even of his arrogance, pride, and fury;
His idle boasts are false..
Jeremiah 48:29-30
29 “We have heard of the pride of Moab—he is very proud—
Of his haughtiness, his pride, his arrogance and his self-exaltation.
30 “I know his fury,” declares the Lord,
“But it is futile;
His idle boasts have accomplished nothing.
“HE Stands At The Right Hand of the Needy, To Save Him From Those Who Judge His Soul”
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Psalm 109
O God of my praise,
Do not be silent!2 For they have opened the wicked and deceitful mouth against me;
They have spoken against me with a lying tongue.
3 They have alsosurrounded me with words of hatred,
And fought against me without cause.
4 In return for my love they act as my accusers;
But I am in prayer.
5 Thus they have repaid me evil for good
And hatred for my love. Continue reading
Narcissist Case Study – King Saul
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It is a pleasure (not to mention less work) when I come across another’s writing which helps add to the understanding I am seeking through this blog. I just came across a good profile of King Saul, called “Saul a Portrait of Pride and Insecurity“, by a writer pen-named Tamarajo.
Please see the entire entry here. Following are some excerpts:
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“Saul’s whole life is an example of how his low opinion of himself and his lack of Faith in God led him to pride and his own demise. Continue reading
A Good Admonition From Ravi Zacharias
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“Over the years I have discovered that praying with people can sometimes do more for them than preaching to them. Prayer draws the heart away from one’s own dependence to a position of leaning on the sovereign God. The burden is often lifted instantly.
Prayer is only one aspect of worship, but one that is greatly neglected in the face of people who would be shocked to hear what prayer sounds like when the one praying knows how to touch the heart of God. To a person in need, pat answers don’t change the mind; prayer does.”
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Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective
Why God “Allows” N’s To Wreak Havoc – To Build Our Capacity For Love
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1 Timothy 1:5
5 But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.
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In the middle of our struggles with the N in our lives, we are typically focused on simply surviving the situation. It seems incredible to think in terms of thriving. And even more incredible to think in terms of moving past bitterness toward becoming a more loving person ourselves – not just toward the N, but people in general.
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However, God in His goodness toward us is intending to use our struggle to actually build in us a greater capability and capacity for love. As heaven is a world of love, this capacity for love is not just for this world, but also for the one to come (heaven). A greater capacity for love is not equivalent to being more of a doormat for your N, but is instead a broad-based foundation for a more meaningful and fruitful life in all its aspects.
Narcissist* Traits – They Do Not Think They Are In Need of Help (Pharisee Case Study)
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John 9:39-41
39 And Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, so that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may become blind.” 40 Those of the Pharisees who were with Him heard these things and said to Him, “We are not blind too, are we?”41 Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin; but since you say, ‘We see,’ your sin remains.
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The narcissistic Pharisees were in fact blind, even though they claimed that they could see. They were blind to the true condition of their hearts, thinking themselves to be righteous teachers and spiritual leaders, when in fact their hearts were full of evil thoughts, desires, and motives. Jesus later was very direct in pointing out to the Pharisees their blindness. Continue reading
Narcissist Tactics – They Mock and Make Excuses (Pharisee Case Study)
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Luke 16:13-15
13 No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.”
14 Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, were listening to all these things and were scoffing at Him. 15 And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God.
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[Please see here and here for more on how we know the Pharisees were narcissists].
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This is one of the clearer examples of how narcissists work. In their hearts, the Pharisees were focused on money and the “finer things of life” that it would bring. But in their pride, they also wanted to be highly thought of by men for their piety (including the all-sufficiency of God). Jesus called out their hypocrisy and created a dilemma for them with His statement that they could not make both God and money number one in their lives – with the clear implication that they had chosen money over God.
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The narcissistic Pharisees had two ways of dealing with this.
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First was to mock (or scoff at) the One telling them they could not have it both ways. Their intent was to tear down, from a position of “superiority”, and discredit the one getting in way of their greed and pride.
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Proverbs 9:7-8
7 He who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for himself,
And he who reproves a wicked man gets insults for himself.
8 Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you,
Reprove a wise man and he will love you.
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Amos 5:10
10 They hate him who reproves in the gate,
And they abhor him who speaks with integrity.
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Second was to make justification (in modern terms – making excuses), or to construct a clever series of reasons, for what they were doing for the purpose of making people around them agree with them and continue to think highly of them.
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But Jesus made it clear to them that even though they may get away with fooling men, they were not fooling God. God could clearly see what was in their hearts, and would judge them based on that – and not based on what the Pharisees had gotten men to believe.
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They might get short term kudos from men for how wonderful they are, but they would ultimately have to answer to God for the evil in their hearts.
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Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective
How Christ Conquered Bitterness (John Piper)
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How Christ Conquered Bitterness by John Piper
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When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. (1 Peter 2:23)
No one was more grievously sinned against than Jesus. Every ounce of animosity against him was fully undeserved.
No one has ever lived who was more worthy of honor than Jesus; and no one has been dishonored more.
If anyone had a right to get angry and be bitter and vengeful, it was Jesus. How did he control himself when scoundrels, whose very lives he sustained, spit in his face? 1 Peter2:23 gives the answer.
What this verse means is that Jesus had faith in the future grace of God’s righteous judgment. He did not need to avenge himself for all the indignities he suffered, because he entrusted his cause to God. He left vengeance in God’s hands and prayed for his enemies’ repentance (Luke 23:34).
Peter gives this glimpse into Jesus’ faith so that we would learn how to live this way ourselves. He said, “You have been called [to endure harsh treatment patiently] . . . because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps” (1 Peter 2:21).
If Christ conquered bitterness and vengeance by faith in future grace, how much more should we, since we have far less right to murmur for being mistreated than he did?
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Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective
Why God “Allows” N’s To Wreak Havoc – To Motivate Us To Seek The Ultimate Answer
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2 Samuel 22:7 / Psalm 18:6 (the same verse in 2 places)
In my distress I called upon the Lord,
And cried to my God for help;
He heard my voice out of His temple,
And my cry for help before Him came into His ears..
Psalm 34:4-6
4 I sought the Lord, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
5 They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
And saved him out of all his troubles..
When things are going “well”, our natural inclination is to forget God, to not think that we need Him. We naturally tend to take His goodness for granted. An analogy would be teenagers that simply assume that their parents’ housing, food, access to a car, etc will be there, without really having an interest in spending time with their parents – they just use their parents’ stuff to have a good time, without caring much about their relationship with their parents. Continue reading
Why God “Allows” N’s to Wreak Havoc – Using Them As Pre-Emptive Constraints
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2 Corinthians 12:7
7 Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself!
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Sometimes, God uses His tools not for “corrective” or “refining” purposes, but for pre-emptive purposes. In I Corinthians 12:1-10, Paul had done nothing wrong. The “messenger of satan” was only for the purpose of preventing Paul from exalting himself due to his extraordinary experience. We as normal humans tend to get puffed up at the slightest “success” we experience – just think of how puffed up we would be if we had had an experience that was many multiples higher than anyone else had ever had.
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Paul needed the revelations that God gave him as part of his ministry preparation, but he also needed to maintain humility for his ministry. So, God gave Paul the revelations, but also provided via satan a pre-emptive means for staying humble – not out of spite, or meanness, but for Paul’s good and God’s glory. Continue reading
Narcissist Tactics – Projecting An Image Of Success (While Covering Up Failure)
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Proverbs 13:7
7 There is one who pretends to be rich, but has nothing;
Another pretends to be poor, but has great wealth..
Why would someone, especially someone who has nothing, pretend to be rich? It likely comes down to self-exaltation. This motive for self-exaltation in the midst of failure is highlighted in the second half of Proverbs 12:9.
Narcissist Traits – They Contradict Themselves
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Luke 6:45
45 The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.
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We read in Psalms 5:9 of a narcissist (aka one with insolent pride*), that “there is nothing reliable in what they say; Their inward part is destruction itself.” And we read in secular sources (and have experienced) that narcissists can say something in one sentence, and contradict themselves in the next sentence (or even in the very same sentence). It seems crazy when they do this – they seem crazy when they do this – and they have no clue that they are even doing it. What’s going on?
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Ultimately, as Luke 6:45 indicates, it is our heart that drives our words and actions. Continue reading
Dealing With Narcissists* – David’s Prayer for Deliverance
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One of the questions frequently searched by people that find this blog is, “how do I pray about this situation with the narcissist in my life?”. This would include, “how to pray for the narcissist”, “how to pray for ourselves in the situation”, and “how to pray for God’s intervention”. We have already mentioned David’s Prayer for Justice, and David’s Prayer for Protection. Here is a prayer from David for deliverance. It is important to understand that effective praying has some requirements – we cannot reject God’s ways on the one hand and at the same time expect Him to “jump through hoops for us” on the other hand.
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13 Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me;
Make haste, O Lord, to help me.
14 Let those be ashamed and humiliated together
Who seek my life to destroy it;
Let those be turned back and dishonored
Who delight in my hurt.
15 Let those be appalled because of their shame
Who say to me, “Aha, aha!”
16 Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
Let those who love Your salvation say continually,
“The Lord be magnified!”
17 Since I am afflicted and needy,
Let the Lord be mindful of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
Do not delay, O my God.
Why God “Allows” Narcissists To Wreak Havoc – Foundations – Viewing Our Situation Through The Lens of God’s Goodness
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Psalm 31:19
19 How great is Your goodness,
Which You have stored up for those who fear You,
Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You,
Before the sons of men!.
[See here for the road map for this discussion on why God allows narcissists to wreak havoc]
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Matthew 7:11
11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!
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Lamentations 3:22-25
22 The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I have hope in Him.”
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him..
Since
- God’s purposes, plans, and providences in our lives ultimately flow out of his divine nature, and since
- His divine nature includes being completely wise, good, loving, and just (among many other things), and since
- He has the power to implement what He decides, and the ability to use evil for accomplishing good
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Then, we can safely assume that everything that comes our way is not just allowed, but designed by God for our good. So, rather than seeing things that happen to us as either “good” or “bad”, we can safely view everything that happens to us as “good”. The only question is “how is God being good to us in this particular situation”?
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That is what we intend to explore in the next phase of this discussion on why God allows Narcissists to wreak havoc. The intent is to move from “why is God doing this to me?” and “how do I escape this?” to “how is God intending this bad situation for my good?” and “how do I wisely deal with it?”. And, ultimately, to trust Him even when we cannot figure out what He is doing. Continue reading
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