Consequences For Narcissists*, Continued

October 4, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

Psalm 31:23

²³……. The Lord preserves the faithful
And fully recompenses the proud doer.

Galatians 6:7

⁷Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.

Jeremiah 17:10 – “I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds.

While narcissists* (those with insolent pride) often do seem to “get away with” their actions, God says that ultimately they will receive everything they deserve. While we discussed here and here the timeless consequences which they will receive, narcissists will also consistently and repeatedly receive consequences in their current lives as well. These consequences are partly the natural consequences of straying from God’s perfect design for successful living, but also are God’s way to get the narcissists’ attention in order to avoid the much more serious timeless consequences. (Of course, narcissists tend not to listen.)

Some of the consequences include:

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Timeless Consequences for Narcissists* – Part 2

October 1, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized Tags: Psalms

Revelation 20:12-13

¹²And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is the book of life; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds. ¹³And the sea gave up the dead which were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead which were in them; and they were judged, every one of them according to their deeds.

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We may intuitively understand that enemies of God will ultimately be judged. But, it is very clear that everyone, even His friends will be judged. Paul wrote to the Christians in Corinth:

2 Corinthians 5:10 – For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.

So, whether the narcissist we are dealing with is a total enemy of God, or claims to be a Christian, he will ultimately receive his full consequences from God for his actions toward us. However, while there is a 1 to 1 relationship between actions and consequences, there will be a difference in consequences based on his “standing” when he faces judgment. This watershed is found in Psalm 32:

Psalm 32:1-2

32 How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
²How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!

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Timeless Consequences For Narcissists* – Part 1

September 27, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

As we briefly mentioned here, a key to peace and confidence in our dealings with narcissists is the understanding that even though they try to hide it, God sees what the narcissist is doing, and calls them to account for the purpose of giving them fair and proper consequences for their actions. In the end they are not really getting away with anything.

Three questions related to this are:

Does God give 100 percent of the consequences “deserved” by the narcissist? Or said another way, even though God says that a narcissist will get consequences, does he get “full consequences” or only partial consequences (and as a result, partially “gets away with it”)
Is there a 1 to 1 relationship between the narcissist’s specific actions and the resulting consequence given by God? In other words, does God precisely give a full and complete matching consequence for every single act of evil committed by the narcissist?
What in fact are the consequences given to the narcissist for his actions?

These questions need to be answered in light of both short term (ie – what a narcissist receives in this life) and long term (ie – what a narcissist receives in the next life) consequences. Though a narcissist may appear to get away with something in this life, he is not really getting away with it after eternal consequences are included in the equation.

Because the eternal consequences are in fact the more important consequences, we will start there. To lay a foundation, in this Part I, John Piper discusses rather clearly a final judgment by God that has eternal consequences. In Part 2 we will explore the 1 to 1 relationship between a person’s actions in this life and the judgment that they will receive.

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Is Narcissism* On The Increase?

September 9, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

When you look around, it surely looks as though narcissism* is on the rise. People seem to be increasingly selfish, self-centered, and arrogant, while common civility is on the decline. We can debate whether we are “in the last days”, but the description in 2 Timothy 3 appears very close to what is currently taking place…..

2 Timothy 3

3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. ²For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, ⁴treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, ⁵holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these….

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……. ⁷(they are) always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. (see Prov 14:6)

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^8bso these men also oppose the truth, men of depraved mind, rejected in regard to the faith. ⁹But they will not make further progress; for their folly will be obvious to all……..

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¹³But evil men and impostors will proceed from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived……..

If it sometimes seems as though things are getting worse, the Bible tells us that in the last days things actually will get worse – including from those pretending to be “religious”. But the writer Paul goes on to give some proscriptive advice to the young man he was mentoring (and through this to us) …..

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Can A Narcissist* Be A Christian (or vice versa)?

September 5, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

“Is this “N” even a Christian?” is a possible question for those dealing with a narcissist* who claims to be a Christian. The narcissist’s claims of being a Christian may stand in stark contrast to how they treat you and others in private.

The answer to this question is quite important, as it determines our understanding of how God is dealing with the narcissist – in terms of both short and long term consequences – as well as how we are to pray about the situation.

There are really two questions involved here. The first question is “Can a narcissist be a Christian” (flipping it, “Can a Christian be a narcissist”?). And the second is “Is THIS particular narcissist a Christian?”

Just because a narcissist claims to be a Christian does not make it so. Jesus said,

Matthew 7:21-23

²¹“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.²²Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ ²³And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’

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But the fact that the Bible admonishes believers to give up their pride and walk in a humble manner indicates that genuine Christians can still have remnants of insolent pride in their lives:

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The Twin Pillars of Recovery

September 1, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

“Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me” in Psalm 40 below describes the twin pillars of protection and/or recovery in times of distress – in this case the distress of evil done by a narcissist* / one with insolent pride. “Lovingkindness” is about emotional support. “Truth” is about understanding what is really going on and changing our actions to match the reality of what is happening.

Of course, there are human / secular versions of these twin pillars. We can get a modest measure of emotional comfort (“lovingkindness”) from friends. And we can search out things which have been written on narcissism to learn traits and tactics of how narcissists operate – including a few suggestions on how to handle the situation (“truth”). But, the secular solutions can only take us so far. Only God can truly comfort us and give us the emotional support we need (see here, here, and here), And only God fully understands what’s going on inside the narcissist, and can give us the full understanding of how to deal with them.

Ultimately it is God who is the true source of both lovingkindness and truth for us.

Psalm 40:1-5 and 11-12

A Psalm of David.

40 I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry.
²He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay,
And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.
³He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God;
Many will see and fear
And will trust in the Lord.

⁴How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust,
And has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood.
⁵Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done,
And Your thoughts toward us;
There is none to compare with You.
If I would declare and speak of them,
They would be too numerous to count.

………..

¹¹You, O Lord, will not withhold Your compassion from me;
Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me.
¹²For evils beyond number have surrounded me;
My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to see;
They are more numerous than the hairs of my head,
And my heart has failed me.

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“Narcissism” is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”. See here.

God Warns Narcissists To Change…..

August 29, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

In addition to the fact that nothing is impossible with God, one clue that it is possible for narcissists (those with insolent pride) to change is that God warns them to change. Why would He warn them if change is impossible? God warns scoffers / those with insolent pride to give up their scoffing, accept His reproof and allow Him to transform them through His Spirit.

Proverbs 1:20-33

Wisdom Warns

²⁰Wisdom shouts in the street,
She lifts her voice in the square;
²¹At the head of the noisy streets she cries out;
At the entrance of the gates in the city she utters her sayings:
²²“How long, O naive ones, will you love being simple-minded?
And scoffers delight themselves in scoffing
And fools hate knowledge?
²³“Turn to my reproof,
Behold, I will pour out my spirit on you;
I will make my words known to you.

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If the narcissist refuses the wisdom that leads to change, it will ultimately result in calamity for him…..

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²⁴“Because I called and you refused,
I stretched out my hand and no one paid attention;
²⁵And you neglected all my counsel
And did not want my reproof;
²⁶I will also laugh at your calamity;
I will mock when your dread comes,
²⁷When your dread comes like a storm
And your calamity comes like a whirlwind,
When distress and anguish come upon you.

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……and he will eat the fruit of the choice he is making.

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²⁸“Then they will call on me, but I will not answer;
They will seek me diligently but they will not find me,
²⁹Because they hated knowledge
And did not choose the fear of the Lord.
³⁰“They would not accept my counsel,
They spurned all my reproof.
³¹“So they shall eat of the fruit of their own way
And be satiated with their own devices.
³²“For the waywardness of the naive will kill them,
And the complacency of fools will destroy them.
³³“But he who listens to me shall live securely
And will be at ease from the dread of evil.”

Scoffers is one of the names the Bible gives to those with insolent pride, which is the Biblical description for narcissists.

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In a difficult prophetic passage God warns the Pharisees of Jesus’ day (see here and here) to give up their scoffing / insolent pride / narcissism….

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Isaiah 28:14 – Therefore, hear the word of the Lord, O scoffers, Who rule this people who are in Jerusalem, ………..

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Isaiah 28:22 – ……..And now do not carry on as scoffers, Or your fetters will be made stronger; For I have heard from the Lord God of hosts Of decisive destruction on all the earth.

More on the Isaiah 28 passage in a future post.

Can Narcissists Change? – Introduction

August 12, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

A big question for those who are dealing with a narcissist / those with insolent pride is often “Is there any hope”? They are hoping in the midst of their despair that somehow things will change. While hope can come in different forms, what they often mean by this is “Will this person (narcissist) ever change?”. The short answer is …… it IS possible:

Matthew 19:26 –And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Daniel 4:37 – Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise, exalt and honor the King of heaven, for all His works are true and His ways just, and He is able to humble those who walk in pride.”

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In the case of Nebuchadnezzar, God spent 7 years taking the proudest, most powerful person in the world and humbling him – clearly demonstrating His ability to do it. “All things are possible with God”, and if He could humble Nebuchadnezzar, He can humble anyone.

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The Biblical Perspective on Narcissism* = Hearts + Relationships

July 29, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

Another way to view our dealings with narcissists* is as a 3-way relationship. Yes, it mostly feels as though it is “us vs. them”, and that we need to struggle through dealing with these difficult people on our own. And while there is some truth to that, we will not be able to have full success in dealing with them until we understand God’s involvement in the equation (see here and here). So, while we may succeed on our own in applying solid tactics in our dealings with the narcissist – which may definitely help us maintain sanity – we will not be able to achieve the full level of “victory” in our lives that is possible without bringing God into the equation.

The following diagram illustrates the 4 relationship dynamics involved in our dealing with narcissists:

Us with the narcissist
God with the narcissist
God with us

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Dealing With Narcissists* – Understand That They (And We) Will Give An Account To God

July 17, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

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Romans 14:12 – So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.

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1 Peter 4:5 – but they will give account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.

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Galatians 6:7 – Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.

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Hebrews 10:30 – For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge His people.”

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One of our biggest struggles in dealing with narcissists (those with insolent pride, see here) is when we see them “getting away with it” – “successfully” dodging responsibility, blaming others, sliding by without receiving any consequences for their destructive actions and the pain they are inflicting on us and others.

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Dealing With Narcissists* – David’s Reminders To Himself

July 2, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized Tags: Psalm 62

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Psalm 62

62 My soul waits in silence for God only;
From Him is my salvation.
²He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.

³How long will you assail a man,
That you may murder him, all of you,
Like a leaning wall, like a tottering fence?
⁴They have counseled only to thrust him down from his high position;
They delight in falsehood;
They bless with their mouth,
But inwardly they curse. Selah.

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Dealing With Narcissists* – David’s Prayer for Protection

June 24, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: Psalm 5

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As with all other Bible topics, the Biblical perspective on narcissism (aka insolent pride) is interwoven throughout the Bible. Therefore, the full picture is obtained through stitching together many pieces from many places in the Bible. Searching this out in blog form has the disadvantage of being worked through in “real time” and therefore pretty raw and disjointed, but it has the big advantage of being able to link back to other blog entries as part of the process of weaving things together and providing better explanations.

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Proverbs can be considered more the wisdom of God (see here), and Psalms more the heart of God (see here). To not interrupt the flow of this Psalm while still providing details that help to further understand narcissism, I have embedded links in key words, and provided notes. So please click on the BOLD words and refer to the notes below for additional discussion on a particular insight related to narcissism.

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Dealing With Narcissists – The Contentious Wife, Part 2

June 2, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

So how can a husband Biblically deal with a contentious (narcissist) wife? There are a few guideposts in the Bible that indicate an answer:

Guidepost 1 – The Bible says that you will not be able to stop her from being contentious – therefore, a “full frontal attack” (ie – confrontation) will fail and result in a fight………

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Proverbs 27:15-16

¹⁵A constant dripping on a day of steady rain
And a contentious woman are alike;
¹⁶He who would restrain her restrains the wind,
And grasps oil with his right hand.

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Why can’t you stop her from being contentious?

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Narcissistic Traits – The Contentious Wife, Part 1

June 1, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

There are comments in the secular world that more men are narcissistic than women. A couple of responses to that notion are:

There is very little factual basis for that assumption
Narcissism can take different forms (see here). The way a man reveals his narcissism may be different than a way a woman reveals her narcissism.
Narcissism is about the insolent pride of the heart, for which both men and women have a propensity

Having said that, the following discussion is not intended to say that women are more narcissistic than men. It is simply a discussion on how the Bible describes one way that a woman’s narcissism may reveal itself.

The Bible has a few choice things to say about a contentious wife

Proverbs 21:9 – It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

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Another Narcissism Test

May 31, 2015 By DCRobertsson in Uncategorized

Narcissism (Insolent Pride) can take many forms. He (or she) can be the obvious extroverted center of attention, but he can also be introverted and reserved.

The essence of narcissism is not the outward style, but “selfishness and empty conceit” instead of “humility of mind” – as Paul admonished against here……

Philippians 2:3 – “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves…”

A good secular discussion of this can be found in the following article

http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/23-signs-youe28099re-secretly-a-narcissist-masquerading-as-a-sensitive-introvert/

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This article includes an interesting test for “introverted narcissism”. Its worth a look.

Note: Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible describes as “insolent pride” – see here