Narcissists Whisper To Fan The Flames of Conflict

February 25, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , , ,

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Narcissists create strife in their pursuit of dominance, winning, or getting what they want, but may also throw fuel on fires that are already burning.
Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife.   Proverbs 26:21
The Hebrew term in this verse is translated “kindling” – throwing a lit match onto fuel – but in Jeremiah, it’s translated with an image of a bellows – blowing air on a lit fire to make it hotter[i].   So, a contentious person will either take the “seeds” of conflict and turn it into a real conflict or take an existing small conflict and turn it into a full-blown conflict.  Narcissists can be agents of chaos. How does this play out?  One example may be when someone is criticizing someone else, the narcissist “piles on” and tries to top the story already being told – with a statement like “that’s nothing, you should’ve seen what he did to me last week.”  But sometimes the narcissist will whisper a criticism that stirs up a negative spark deep in someone else’s heart.
For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down.   Proverbs 26:20
The reason the tactic of whispering gossip works to stir up contention and strife is that most people love to hear dirt on someone else.
The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body.   Proverbs 18:8 (& 26:22)
The narcissist takes advantage of people’s natural desire to hear dirt on others (“dainty morsels”) to create the doubts/controversy that in the end puts them in the lead or controlling position.  It is a common move on the narcissist’s part to stir up strife in a way that is not readily visible to others. This process can expand to infect an entire group or organization.  Proverbs describes this metaphorically when it says:
Scorners[ii] set a city aflame, but wise men turn away anger.   Proverbs 29:8
This is also what James meant when he said:
So also, the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things.  See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!  And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell……. ….. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth.  This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic.   For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing…… ……What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?   You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel.   James 3:5-6, 13-16, 4:1-2
[i] See http://biblehub.com/hebrew/2787.htm  for a more complete discussion. [ii] Same root word as scoffer, see https://biblehub.com/hebrew/strongs_3944.htm . . Click here for initial steps on how to find peace with God.
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

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Narcissist Case Study – Deflecting Responsibility Through Technical Loopholes

February 21, 2021 By in Bible Case Studies Tags: ,

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Luke 10:25-37

And a lawyer stood up and put Him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”  And He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How does it read to you?”  And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”  And He said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this and you will live.”

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As was made clear by his answer, the lawyer already knew the Biblical answer to his question, implying that his question was not a sincere inquiry.  Luke called it a “test” – the lawyer was simply asking the question to see what kind of response he would get, with the chance perhaps that Jesus would say something that the lawyer could use against him – or possibly to show that he was somehow better than Jesus.  This is a typical narcissist tactic. Continue reading →

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The Proof Of Everything

February 14, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , ,
. Let’s take a little side trip here for a small discussion on the biggest of topics.  You will soon see it is very relevant to our discussion on insolent pride and narcissism. . Every of life’s deepest challenges drives us to three most basic of questions: .
  1. Is there a God?
  2. Who is He (His nature, and attributes)?
  3. Does He have the wisdom, power, and love to care and help with things in my life?
. As we go about our daily lives, commuting to work, going to the grocery store, watching the game, or planning our next vacation, as we look out the window at gray skies, as we read the mostly awful and contentious news, it is difficult to relate God to our stress-filled and sometimes tedious lives. . We do not see Him, we see the mess around and in us, and yet we are supposed to place Him at the center of how we operate?  We are supposed to respond in kindness to crummy people?  It would sure be nice to know that what we base our lives on is actually real, and not a figment of our imagination – as many people seem to think.  Some reliable proof of the existence and character of God would be nice. . In fact, God has given us proof.  The first, general proof is in nature, or Creation.  While there are non-stop efforts to explain away often obvious facts, the creativity and detail of the world above and around us screams that there is a Creator.  The night sky in the Rocky Mountains reveals this small corner the Milky Way galaxy. . . How can you consider the hundreds of billions of  these galaxies, each containing hundreds of billions of stars – suns like ours, and not wonder where it all came from?  Scientists have tried to explain it all, apart from God, with a big bang theory, but still cannot get to the ultimate origin.  What came before the Big Bang?  Theories always hit a limit of understanding with respect to everything we see.  The more we know about eyes, cells, everything visible and even invisible – the more difficult it is to believe that it happened by chance.  This discussion is far beyond the scope of this blog. . But there is an even more inescapable proof of the reality, love and power of God.  The sad fact is that everyone dies – a final and irreversible death.  Do you personally know anyone who was dead for multiple days, and then came back to life?  The ultimate proof that God is real is the resurrection of Jesus on the third day after His death.   The importance of Jesus’ resurrection as a proof of the reality of God is one reason God made sure it was a well-documented fact.  There are several sources that discuss this proof, such as here . If Jesus’ resurrection from the dead is proof of God’s existence – and power – then the events that led to Jesus death are proof of His love. .
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8
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He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?   Romans 8:32
, And this love is intimate and personal. .

O Lord, You have searched me and known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. 3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. 5 You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? 8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. 9 If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, 10 Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me.    Psalm 139:1-10

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For everyone struggling with a narcissist in their lives, the reality of a wise, infinitely powerful, and personally loving God changes everything. . . Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally.
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

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Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Narcissist Tactics – Flattery

February 11, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: , , , , , ,
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Jude 16-19

16 These are grumblers, finding fault, following after their own lusts; they speak arrogantly, flattering people for the sake of gaining an advantage. .  17 But you, beloved, ought to remember the words that were spoken beforehand by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ, 18 that they were saying to you, “In the last time there will be mockers, following after their own ungodly lusts.” 19 These are the ones who cause divisions….. .
Narcissists are big flatterers.  Many times it is obvious that they have something they are trying to get out of you through flattery and “buttering you up”, but sometimes it may not be so obvious.  Or they may be setting you up through flattery for something even worse than just trying to get something from you.  Either way, they they are using flattery in order to gain some kind of advantage over you in the pursuit of their desires, self-exaltation, or just plain winning.  They are doing it to entrap you into something that will hurt you and benefit them.  This flattery is not sincere, but instead is deceptive and manipulative.  The wise person will recognize the manipulation and insincere praise, and avoid them.. .

Romans 16:17-18

17 Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. 18 For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting. .

Proverbs 29:5

5 A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps.

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Proverbs 26:28

28 A lying tongue hates those it crushes, And a flattering mouth works ruin.

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Psalm 5:9

9 There is nothing reliable in what they say; Their inward part is destruction itself. Their throat is an open grave; They flatter with their tongue.

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Psalm 12:2

2 They speak falsehood to one another; With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak.

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Click here for the initial steps to peace with God .
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

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Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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It Hurts Worse When Its A “Friend”

February 7, 2021 By in Dealing With Narcissists Tags:

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Psalm 55

12 For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, Then I could bear it; Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, Then I could hide myself from him. 13 But it is you, a man my equal, My companion and my familiar friend; 14 We who had sweet fellowship together

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Our most painful encounter with a narcissist will very likely be with someone close to us.  And especially with someone we thought was a friend.  One reason is that when we expected someone to act like a friend and in exchange were stabbed in the back, it is a painful betrayal.  The other reason, as David said in verse 12, is that when we are more entangled in a relationship it is harder to avoid them – bringing us painful reminders more frequently.

. David goes on to describe their smooth words which disguise the evil in their hearts .
19 God will hear and answer them— Even the one who sits enthroned from of old— Selah. With whom there is no change, And who do not fear God. 20 He has put forth his hands against those who were at peace with him; He has violated his covenant. 21 His speech was smoother than butter, But his heart was war; His words were softer than oil, Yet they were drawn swords. .

But as David reminds himself and says to the Lord at the end of Psalm 55

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22 Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. 23 But You, O God, will bring them down to the pit of destruction; Men of bloodshed and deceit will not live out half their days. But I will trust in You.

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You can read the entire Psalm here

Click here for the initial steps on how to know God personally

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If I Say No, Am I Failing to Love?

When Love Says No is a 30-day devotional journey through biblical boundaries, for believers in a hard relationship who want to love well without being controlled.

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For the full biblical study of narcissism, see The First Will Be Last.

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Narcissistic Traits of the Man of Lawlessness

February 3, 2021 By in Bible Case Studies, Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags:
. A previous post  “The Most Narcissistic Person Ever” describes a person on his way whom the book of Daniel calls a despicable person and Jesus calls the abomination of desolation in Matthew 24.  The person is described as a beast in Revelation and is also commonly known as the anti-christ.   He is sometimes called the “man of sin”, although New Testament scholar Bruce M. Metzger argues that “man of lawlessness” is the original reading even though 94% of manuscripts have “man of sin”.[1] This person will be the embodiment of insolently proud rebellion against God and the ultimate seeker of dominance over man – having the ultimate goal of people worshiping him (as a proxy for Satan) instead of God.  He will be far worse than any despot who has ever lived – including modern examples like Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Idi Amin, etc..  In ancient times there were many more.  Daniel 9:27 describes him briefly this way,
and on the wing of abominations will come one who makes desolate
What does this mean?  He will come on the scene acting abominably in every way, leaving destruction in his wake.  This sounds like how a narcissist rolls, and brings to mind one of our previous descriptions.
The scoffer [aka narcissist] is an abomination to men  Proverbs 24:9 .
What other narcissistic traits and tactics does this despicable man show?  He: .
  • Is insolent (8:23)
  • Is skilled in intrigue (8:23)
  • He leverages other power bases, especially Satan (8:24) 
  • Is shrewd and causes “deceit to succeed by his influence”  (8:25)
  • Magnifies himself in his heart,  (8:25)
  • Destroys many while they are at ease.  (8:25)
  • Is a despicable person (11:21)
  • Takes control through manipulation (11:21)
  • Practices deception (11:23)
  • Speaks lies at the negotiating table (11:27)
  • Becomes disheartened at opposition (11:30)
  • Gets angry at opposition (11:30)
  • Recruits others against his opposition (11:30)
  • Uses smooth words to recruit others (11:32)
  • Magnifies himself above everything else (11:36)
  • Speaks monstrous things about and against God (11:36)
  • Honors those who acknowledge his position and greatness (11:39)
  • Gives high positions to his acolytes (11:39)
  • Turns part of his conquests into cash (11:39)
  • Lashes out against any possible challenge (11:44)
. The good news is that even though man cannot defeat this guy, God can and will – suddenly and completely
And he will destroy many while they are at ease. He will even oppose the Prince of princes, But he will be broken without human agency.   Daniel 8:25
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[He will destroy] even until a complete destruction, one that is decreed, is poured out on the one who makes desolate.”  Daniel 9:27
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but it will not succeed, for the end is still to come at the appointed time.   Daniel 11:27
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he will prosper until the indignation is finished, for that which is decreed will be done.  Daniel 11:36
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yet he will come to his end, and no one will help him.  Daniel 11:39
. This insolently proud person, this narcissist of all narcissists will appear to succeed (as they all do), but God will step in with the last word, judge, and completely destroy him.  As we see storm clouds rising, it is important to know what’s coming – but that, in the end, God and those who love Him, prevail. . . Click here if you want to know the initial steps for how to know God personally.  
 
 
   
   
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

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Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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N’s Prioritize Pride Over Principle

January 31, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , ,
. Have you ever noticed how certain prominent people “switch sides”, or positions on something they previously adamantly defended? There are times when these switches are reasonable based on newly acquired information or wisdom.  But often these pivots are based simply on personal pride rather than a moral foundation.  The person making the surprising switch does it because they found defending their pride more important than maintaining their (weak, at best) principles.   Consider these Biblical examples: . Diotrephes was willing to throw people out of the church who dared go against him in welcoming others.  He sacrificed true pastoral ministry for being top dog in the church. .
“I [John] wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say. For this reason, if I come, I will call attention to his deeds which he does, unjustly accusing us with wicked words; and not satisfied with this, he himself does not receive the brethren, either, and he forbids those who desire to do so and puts them out of the church.  3 John 1:9-10
. Similarly, the Scribes and Pharisees rejected their pastoral responsibilities, preferring to excommunicate those who gave any credence to their prime competition, Jesus. .
His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jews; for the Jews had already agreed that if anyone confessed Him to be Christ, he was to be put out of the synagogue. 23 For this reason his parents said, “He is of age; ask him.”     John 9:22-23
. They also refused to help others into the Kingdom since they themselves didn’t want to go, but worked overtime to recruit others to follow them on the road to perdition.   They valued their personal agenda and status over the welfare of others. .
 “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you shut off the kingdom of heaven from people; for you do not enter in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in.   “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you travel around on sea and land to make one proselyte; and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of `hell as yourselves. Matthew 23:13-15
. In each case, the narcissist made their own exaltation and agenda a priority over the moral principles which their roles required. . . For those who would like initial steps on how to know God personally, click here   .            
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

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Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Dealing With The Dread of Getting Through Another Day

January 28, 2021 By in Dealing With Narcissists Tags: , ,
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Matthew 6:34

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own. .
Many of you may think “how am I going to get through this one more day”?  Or possibly living in dread of an event coming up that you are pretty sure your N is going to spoil.  Or something similar. There’s another way to look at it.  If you look at this through the lens of God’s goodness (i.e. – everything that happens to you is good – it is just a matter of HOW it is good), and if you believe that God’s grace is fully sufficient for every need and that He will provide it as needed – then you can view the impending possible difficulty as an opportunity for God to show Himself strong on your behalf – either through working to shield you, or to give you the measure of internal grace needed to experience joy in the midst of trouble.  In other words, rather than dreading it, you can  anticipate seeing God work on your behalf. .

2 Chronicles 16:9

For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His…… .

2 Corinthians 12:9

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
. But as Jesus taught His disciples to pray….

Matthew 6:11

“Give us this day our daily bread.”

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……He does not give us tomorrow’s provision today.  He will give that tomorrow’s provision tomorrow – and give today’s provision today, as it is needed.  This gives us the opportunity to rely on Him, to trust Him, to need Him just a little bit more.  And that daily need for Him further builds our relationship with Him.

. John Piper has a very helpful illustration in his book “Future Grace“.  Piper said to picture God’s promise that His provision of grace will be there when needed as a river flowing toward the edge of a waterfall.  The river illustrates the grace coming to us in the future, and the edge of the waterfall is “today” or “this minute”.  God promises the river of grace to continue to flow toward us, while we experience this moment’s grace at the edge of the waterfall.  The constant river of grace coming toward us gives us peace today that the grace needed tomorrow will be there tomorrow.  Therefore, we can simply focus on applying His grace at this moment, and trust Him for future moments. . Moving-picture-Niagara-Fall-waterfall-animated-gif . Part of our peace today that grace will be there tomorrow is the anticipation of the opportunity to learn and grow, and to see God act (in big or little ways) on our behalf.  While for some, the particular trial may not last very long, for others it may last a lifetime.  But we can trust that God has His loving purposes in either case, and that the lesson of trusting Him today for the grace needed tomorrow will carry us throughout our entire lives. . Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally . Putting “Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism” Into Perspective
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Narcissist Traits – No Limit To Their Kingdom Building

January 24, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics
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One characteristic of true narcissists / those with insolent pride is that there is no limit to their desire for being exalted by others.   They are the ultimate “kingdom builders”, with the goal of showing their “greatness”.  The only thing limiting them is their opportunity.  That is why classic narcissists like Hitler and Napoleon would could be relatively obscure, but when given the opportunity would move quickly to create the biggest kingdom possible – at the expense of many other people, of course.

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Habakkuk 2:4-5

4 “Behold, as for the proud one, His soul is not right within him; But the righteous will live by his faith. 5 “Furthermore, wine betrays the haughty man, So that he does not stay at home. He enlarges his appetite like Sheol, And he is like death, never satisfied. He also gathers to himself all nations And collects to himself all peoples.

. As the ultimate narcissist, this very much applies to Satan.  Satan’s goal is to gather to himself all nations, and collect to himself all people – to himself and away from God – even though Satan knows full well that those people will be utterly destroyed as a result.   (See here for the first step in not falling into Satan’s trap)

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Click here for a short discussion of the first steps to know God personally .
  • Narcissism is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride” – see here
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Narcissist Traits – They Focus On Your Version Of Their Problem

January 24, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: ,

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Matthew 7:3-5

Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?   Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.      Matthew 7:3-5
. While the Bible does not say explicitly say that everyone who is a hypocrite is a narcissist (a narcissist is someone with insolent pride, or a “scoffer” – see here), it does make clear that narcissists are hypocrites (see here).   Jesus points out in Matthew 7 one characteristic of hypocrites – they will ignore or discount their own flaws, while at the same time focusing intently on your flaws which “really need to be fixed”.  This is consistent with narcissistic traits – superiority in their heart (see here and here) resulting in feeling the need to fix you, while thinking their own issues are “no big deal”, or too minor to even notice. . This is also consistent with narcissistic trait of creating rules, but acting above those same rules (see here) . One interesting part of this verse is that if you hold a toothpick up to your own eye, it looks very big – a “log”.  But if you hold that same toothpick up to your friend’s eye, it looks small – a “speck”.  But it’s the same toothpick.  The implication is that a narcissist could have the equivalent “flaw” in his life that he feels compelled to rid you of. . This is similar to what is described in Romans 2 .

Romans 2:1 

2 Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. 

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*narcissist is the modern colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”.  See here for more.

Click here for the initial steps you can take to find peace with God
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Book Announcements

January 22, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism
. Davidson Trust Publishing is announcing the following books: . “Lot’s Choice” – just released in print and on Kindle. “Lot’s Choice” is a short book triggered by a discussion our church home group had a few months ago on the chapter “He Hesitated” from JC Ryle’s book  “Holiness”.  “Lot’s Choice” discusses the essential criteria for making decisions good for our lives, while avoiding the unforeseen outcomes of trying to have it both ways.  It is a straightforward case study – easily used for personal Bible study or for group discussions from youth to adults. . In the works are two additional books.
  • “Do Not Worry About Tomorrow:  A Biblical Perspective On God’s Provision”
    • Release date – February 28, 2020
 
  • “Signposts:  On The Road To The End of History”  (working title)
    •  Expected release date – June 2020
    • A book that outlines
      • the prophetic signposts we are currently witnessing,
      • what they mean
      • how to prepare for what is to come
   
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Narcissist* Traits – Superiority And Contempt

January 20, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags:

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Luke 18:9-14

9 And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ 13 But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
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This is one of Jesus’ key stories to illustrate the difference between how a narcissist (one with insolent pride) approaches things in contrast to how one without insolent pride approaches it……. and very importantly also telling us the end result of the two approaches.  (See here and here on how we know that some Pharisees were narcissists.)   Some key phrases in the story match the definition given in Proverbs 21:24 – “”Proud”, “haughty”, “scoffer” are his names who acts with insolent pride”.

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  1. Proud – “told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous”, “was praying this to himself”, “I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get” (proud of his accomplishments)
  2. Haughty – “God, I thank you that I am not like other people”
  3. Scoffer – “Viewed others with contempt”
. In the above verse we see that one characteristic of their narcissism was to view others with contempt. From Dictionary.com Contempt

Noun –  The feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile or worthless; disdain; scorn

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Synonyms – Contempt, disdain, scorn — implies that [narcissists* have] strong feelings of disapproval and aversion toward what seems base, mean, or worthless.  Contempt is disapproval tinged with disgust;  ie – to feel contempt for a weakling.  Disdain is a feeling that a person or thing is beneath one’s [a narcissist’s*] dignity and unworthy of one’s notice, respect or concern

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The narcissistic Pharisee viewed himself as better than “others” (as represented by the guy standing next to him).    But Jesus made it clear that ultimately “everyone who exalts himself will be humbled”.   As we have previously discussed here and here, even though narcissists appear to be “getting away with it” (in the short term, at least), they ultimately do not get away with their actions. .
 
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

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Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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A Narcissist’s Layers Of Defense

January 17, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , , , ,
. As we have seen throughout this blog a scoffer is the Biblical analog of a narcissist.  The Bible outlines how, in his pride, a scoffer creates layers of defense to prevent being proven wrong – as that would be an affront to his position of superiority. . The Scoffer Fights against Being Wrong A scoffer (“luts”, aka narcissist) actively fights against anyone who attempts to criticize him, give him advice, or tell him that he is wrong in any way.  These actions may be based on their strong determination to get their own way, their belief that they are fundamentally always right, or a strong drive to refuse anyone else telling them what to do (resistance of any authority over them). In fact, a scoffer will actively push back against anyone who attempts it – even going as far as trying to destroy at least the credibility, if not the reputation of anyone who dares to diminish him.  There are layers to the narcissist’s resistance. First First, the scoffer (narcissist) will not seek counsel from someone who might see through him (“the wise”) or might possibly tell him he is wrong.
A scoffer does not love one who reproves him, he will not go to the wise.  Proverbs 15:12
In my own experience, I can think of cases where a narcissistic, insolently proud scoffer was on a course of action that was both not helpful to them and damaging to someone else.  In each case, many people advised them that they were off-course and needed to change direction.  The narcissist refused to listen and refused to change course.  He thinks:
    • “I want what I want, and no one is going to get in my way.”
    • “My vision/faith/etc. is superior, and others just don’t get it.”
    • “Everyone talking to me is inferior/stupid/wrong/etc., so why should I listen to them?”
The result was that the narcissist pushed ahead and ran into a set of negative consequences – which, among other things, further isolated them.  Of course, even then, they were unable to learn from what happened. Second If the scoffer does receive a rebuke, he will not listen – out of a prideful self-delusion that he knows that he is right, and out of a total refusal to admit being wrong.
A wise son accepts his father’s discipline, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.  Proverbs 13:1
The scoffer not only refuses to listen but may even attempt to shut down even the slightest objection to their plans or actions.  This may include pushing back disproportionately hard against any hint that what they are saying or doing is not correct.  Or it could mean impulsively dismissing a suggestion out of hand, with a bit of a condescending tone (hence the term scoffer).  The phrase “will not listen” could be somewhat passive, but it could also take a very aggressive form. Third In his battle to never be wrong, the narcissist further escalates the fight by looking to take you down.
He who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for himself.  Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you.  Proverbs 9:7-8
In his prideful refusal to be wrong, the scoffer secretly hates anyone who challenges him and his image of self-perfection.  A narcissist hates anything or anyone that gets in the way of their “glory.”  He will look to take down or trash (i.e. – dishonor) the person challenging his image, because if he succeeds, he is able to maintain his superiority. He might do it by direct confrontation, in an aggressive attempt to get you to say you were wrong – making him correct and leaving his image intact.  While he may on occasion respond with an immediate full-frontal assault, he might also keep his feelings hidden until such a time that he can do the most damage.  In this case, he will try to disguise his hatred, speaking graciously even while hating you in his heart.  But don’t believe him.  He still fully intends to “trash” you or undermine you – waiting for a better time or opportunity to maybe even thrust the proverbial knife into your back in front of an audience of his choosing.
Like an earthen vessel overlaid with silver dross are burning lips and a wicked heart.  He who hates disguises it with his lips, but he lays up deceit in his heart.  When he speaks graciously, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart.  Though his hatred covers itself with guile, his wickedness will be revealed before the assembly.     Proverbs 26:23-26
One reason that dealing with narcissists is so tricky is that they do not play honestly.  They readily employ deception to accomplish their purposes.  But, as Jesus said, what is in their heart must ultimately reveal itself.  Jesus said,
“The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.”  Luke 6:45
The following illustrates the layers of protection which the scoffer puts in place, driven by his proud heart at the core.    
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Narcissist* v. Narcissist* – A Pure Power Play

January 14, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , , ,

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Many of the posts in this blog are about how narcissists (scoffers, haughty, those with insolent pride) relate to non-narcissists, whom they manipulate and push around in order to achieve their “rightful” place of superiority and/or dominance.  But what happens when narcissists come up against each other?

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