Narcissistic Projection – Part 2, An Example

November 7, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags: ,

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Please see A Biblical Perspective On “Narcissistic Projection” for Part 1

To recap Part 1*, scoffers are hypocritical judges who accuse others of the very things of which they are guilty.  This action is the Biblical equivalent of what the secular world calls “projection”.  From Wikipedia:

“Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is habitually rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude. It incorporates blame shifting.”

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An example of this is in Mark 3: Continue reading →

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A Biblical Perspective on “Narcissistic Projection”

November 4, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags: ,

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Those who have dealt with narcissists* most likely have experienced a situation where the narcissist accused you of a negative character trait or action, while at the same time they were far more guilty of the very same trait.  Yes, there may have been a speck of truth in what they said, as none of us are perfect and “we all stumble in many ways“.   But you may have been dumbfounded that someone who had the same issue in multiples would feel justified in attacking you for your little speck.

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Secular literature in the field of psychology has termed this behavior “projection”. Continue reading →

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Narcissist Tactics – Creating Rules , But Acting Above Those Same Rules

October 31, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags:

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They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger. 

Matthew 23:4

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Jesus explained a key trait of insolently proud, narcissistic people (illustrated by the Pharisees – see here and here and here) to create rules for others which hypocritically not keeping those same rules.  This is consistent with their arrogant “I’m above you” attitude.  Not only do they believe that they have superior wisdom and standing that makes it right and natural for them to tell you what to do, but their high position of “heavy” (in their own minds) responsibility justifies their not keeping those same rules.  After all, in their own mind they deserve a break since they are doing “so much” for you, right?  Both are clear demonstrations of the assumed superiority of their insolent pride.

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The Pharisees used their limited co-opted authority as an opportunity to lord it over those whom they could.  One means they used to do this, as well as to prove their superiority, was to create performance requirements which they could then hang on people.  Of course, due to their own exceptionalism, the Pharisees did not bind themselves by those same rules.  That’s for the little people.

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This is a typical narcissist approach – constantly maneuvering, manipulating, and creating situations where they can exercise their rightful position (in their own mind) as top dog – both by creating requirements for others, and by hypocritically and arrogantly thinking they are above those same requirements.

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God’s way is just the opposite.

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But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” 

Matthew 20:25-27

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Narcissists full of insolent pride only look at their immediate gain, with no thought for what God values and will reward for all eternity.  They may think they are becoming “first”, but it is only temporary – lasting for this life at most.

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Click here for initial steps to know God personally

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Please see http://biblicalperspectivesonnarcissism.com/2013/10/21/narcissist-case-studies-in-the-bible/  for an introduction to narcissism case studies in the Bible.

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Causes of Narcissism – The Impact Of Generational Sin

October 24, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , ,

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The secular psychological world has observed that narcissism tends to run in families.  In Biblical terms, this is referred to as the persistence of “generational sins”.  God talked about it around 3500 years ago:

Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.” 

Exodus 34:6-7 (see also Exodus 20:5-6)

God does not explain how sins are transmitted from one generation to the next.  For example, we observe that alcoholism runs in families, but there is no clear evidence for how that happens.  In the case of narcissism, however, there is a logical sequence of how narcissistic parents could have narcissistic kids.  The parent in example #1 above who puts down their child could very likely be a scoffer.  The self-exalting defense of their child in the response described above would continue the pattern of insolent pride which began with the parent.

In addition, families develop their own “DNA” or family culture.  This could include a scoffing, prideful approach to everyone else “out there”.  Even though the children may be prompted in their heart to be kind, they choose to respond in the same self-exalting cynical manner as the parents.

However, there are also issues with this logic.  For example, why are not all the children of narcissistic parents narcissistic?  It still comes back to an individual’s moral heart choices on how they respond to life.

Three additional points must be mentioned:

First, generational sin is not an excuse for the child.  He is ultimately responsible for himself and his own life responses before God.  He cannot say, “it’s all my parents’ fault”.  God makes clear that everyone is finally responsible for their own sin.

The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son’s iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself. 

Ezekiel 18:20

The sins of the fathers become the sins of the children as the result of the child embracing the same sin for himself.  Therefore, while the parent might rightly feel responsibility for getting the ball rolling, he does not have final accountability for his child’s heart response to God.

Second, this may seem like a hopeless situation, but it’s not.  It is always possible to turn things around, due to God’s compassionate, forgiving nature.

Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. 

Isaiah 55:7

Jesus came to break the bonds or chains of sin, including the chains of generational sin.

the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil. 

I John 3:8

Third, when we talk later in the book about battling entrenched patterns, we should be aware that part of that battle includes confessing not only our own sin but also the sins of the fathers.

 ‘If they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their forefathers, in their unfaithfulness which they committed against Me, and also in their acting with hostility against Me…..or if their uncircumcised heart becomes humbled so that they then make amends for their iniquity, then I will remember My covenant with Jacob, and I will remember also My covenant with Isaac, and My covenant with Abraham as well, and I will remember the land.

Leviticus 26:40-42

Generational sin underscores narcissistic cultures

One logical, and Biblical, extension of the concept of generational sin has been little explored.  Just as there can be narcissism / insolent pride within an individual, there can also be entire cultures and nations that have narcissist characteristics.

What is a narcissistic culture?  A culture where the preponderance of the people are narcissists and act in narcissistic ways.  Or a culture (or nation) where the entire group acts toward other groups with the heart and patterns of behavior of a narcissist.

Two Biblical cases were the nations of Moab and Edom.  The Moabites descended from the incestuous relationship between Lot and his older daughter.  The Edomites descended from Esau, Jacob’s twin brother.

Referring to Moab,

We have heard of the pride of Moab, an excessive pride;
Even of his arrogance, pride, and fury; his idle boasts are false.

 Isaiah 16:6

“We have heard of the pride of Moab—he is very proud—
Of his haughtiness, his pride, his arrogance and his self-exaltation.
“I know his fury,” declares the Lord, “But it is futile; His idle boasts have accomplished nothing. 

Jeremiah 48:29-30

Referring to Edom,

 “As for the terror of you [Edom], The arrogance of your heart has deceived you, O you who live in the clefts of the rock, Who occupy the height of the hill.
Though you make your nest as high as an eagle’s, I will bring you down from there,” declares the Lord. 

Jeremiah 49:16

I can think of cultures that I would consider “narcissistic”.  However, a narcissistic culture does not mean that everyone in the culture is a narcissist.  For example, Ruth, the god-fearing grandmother of King David, was Moabite.

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Narcissist Case Study – Uzziah

October 20, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags: ,

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When seemingly “normal” people become arrogant and abusive after they get a little power or success, we may reasonably wonder whether the seeds of that pride were latent in their heart prior to their success.  Uzziah, King of Judah is a case in point, as described in 2 Chronicles 26

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26:1 And all the people of Judah took Uzziah, who was sixteen years old, and made him king in the place of his father Amaziah…….

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 4 He did right in the sight of the Lord according to all that his father Amaziah had done. 5 He continued to seek God in the days of Zechariah, who had understanding through the vision of God; and as long as he sought the Lord, God prospered him…….

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……Hence his fame spread afar, for he was marvelously helped until he was strong.  16 But when he became strong, his heart was so proud that he acted corruptly, and he was unfaithful to the Lord his God, for he entered the temple of the Lord to burn incense on the altar of incense. 

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Continue reading →

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Insolent Pride Tops the List of Things Which God Hates

October 17, 2021 By in Uncategorized

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If you are ever in doubt about whether God is passive about insolent pride (narcissism, see here), Proverbs 6:17-19 puts it at the top of the list of things which God hates.

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“There are six things which the Lord hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him

  1. Haughty eyes (“Proud, haughty, scoffer are his names who acts with insolent pride” Proverbs 21:24)
  2. A lying tongue 
  3. Hands that shed innocent blood
  4. A heart that devises wicked plans
  5. Feet that run rapidly to evil
  6. A false witness who utters lies
  7. And one who spreads strife among brother

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Look closely and you will recognize most of these actions as those of narcissists.  We may fear that they “get away with it”, but God assures us that they do not.

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Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord;
Assuredly, he will not be unpunished. 

Proverbs 16:5

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We may not know how or when He deals with the proud person, and may not see it, but we should not doubt that He will indeed do what He says.

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Note:  Narcissism is the colloquial term for what the Bible calls “insolent pride”  (see here)

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Click here for the initial steps to peace with God

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Healing – The Heart God Revives*

October 14, 2021 By in Uncategorized
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All of us come across others’ who say things so well that there is simply nothing left to add.  Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth created just such a piece in the form of a bookmark which you can download here,   From her series Brokenness:  The Heart God Revives.
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Broken:  The Heart God Revives (Bookmark)  By Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

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Proud people focus on the failures of others.
Broken people are overwhelmed with a sense of their own spiritual need.

Proud people have a critical, fault-finding spirit; they look at everyone else’s faults with a microscope but their own with a telescope.
Broken people are compassionate; they can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven.

Proud people are self-righteous; they look down on others.
Broken people esteem all others better than themselves.

Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit.
Broken people have a dependent spirit; they recognize their need for others.

Proud people have to prove that they are right.
Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.

 

Continue reading →

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Dealing With Bullies

October 10, 2021 By in Uncategorized

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In our previous post we discussed how insolently proud, narcissistic bullies will use a position of power to coerce compliance on the part of others through bullying tactics.  Sadly, until Jesus returns to set everything right, this will be part of the world we must navigate.

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How do we deal with the bullies that inevitably cross our paths?  Here are options we have:

  1. Avoid them – bullies may have the upper hand on their turf, but who says we have to stay on their turf and play their game?
  2. Try a power play – sometimes we’re in a position to “fight back”
  3. Get our “big brother” – sometimes we can recruit someone stronger (the image of bringing your big brother to the playground) to defend us

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I had a friend tell me the story of his children bullied on the school bus on the way to school.  One morning he got on the bus and told the bullies “This is going to end.  The only question is how much pain you are going to take before you stop, because I will do whatever it takes until you stop”.  In the face of what the bullies knew was an unwinnable battle, they stopped their bullying.

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What if none of the above three options are available to us?  We can take a bigger view of the situation and invite God to be our defender and protector.

Continue reading →

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Narcissist Tactics – Bullying To Suppress Opposition To Their Goals

October 7, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags:

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People who have dealt extensively with narcissists will often feel “beat up” by the narcissist – sometimes without understanding how or why they feel that way.  This is because a narcissist frequently uses coercive behavior in order to get what they want in a specific situation, or to achieve or maintain a position of dominance over someone.  Sometimes this bullying is overt (think playground bully) sometimes covert (manipulative, demeaning comments).

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From Dictionary.com – a bully is
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a blustering, mean, or predatory person who, from a perceived position of relative power, intimidates, abuses, harasses, or coerces people, especially those considered unlikely to defend themselves:
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The Pharisees – prime examples of insolent proud narcissists in the Bible – exemplified this.  They tried to squelch anything and anyone supportive of Jesus by using their power to expel them from the synagogue – shaming and possibly even economically damaging that person.  This was illustrated in John 9’s description of their response to Jesus healing a man blind from birth.
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The Jews then did not believe it of him, that he had been blind and had received sight, until they called the parents of the very one who had received his sight,  and questioned them, saying, “Is this your son, who you say was born blind? Then how does he now see?” His parents answered them and said, “We know that this is our son, and that he was born blind;  but how he now sees, we do not know; or who opened his eyes, we do not know.
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Ask him; he is of age, he will speak for himself.”  His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jews; for the Jews had already agreed that if anyone confessed Him to be Christ, he was to be put out of the synagogue.  For this reason his parents said, “He is of age; ask him.” 
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John 9:18-23
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“The People Of The Lie”

October 3, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,
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John 9:39-41

39 And Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, so that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may become blind.” 40 Those of the Pharisees who were with Him heard these things and said to Him, “We are not blind too, are we?” 41 Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin; but since you say, ‘We see,’ your sin remains.

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One of the primary traits of the narcissistic Pharisees was their attitude of moral superiority and refusal to acknowledge that they had any sin – even though their inward lives were full of sin.  In this they deceived and lied to both themselves and others.  This can also be seen in Luke 18:9-14, Matthew 23:25-28, and Matthew 9:10-13.

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M Scott Peck was a psychiatrist whose personal journey ultimately led him to commit to Christianity.  By observation and analysis, through the lens of Christianity, he reached the same conclusion that Jesus had already made clear above.

Following are excerpts from a book he wrote on the subject

. Continue reading →

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All The Reward They Will Ever Get

September 29, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags: ,

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6 “Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.

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2 “So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.

Continue reading →

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Narcissists – From Merely Annoying To Devastating

September 26, 2021 By in Uncategorized

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The devising of folly is sin,
And the scoffer is an abomination to men. 

Proverbs 24:9

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To quickly review, “scoffer” is one of the Biblical terms used to label what the secular world calls a narcissist.  The modern secular terms also include narcissistic personality disorder (implying a higher degree of “bad”) and malignant narcissism (signifying the highest degree of “bad”), while previous generations used phrases like “delusions of grandeur” and “megalomania”.  As discussed in the book based on this blog:

  1. The biblical terms are actually more precise than the secular terms
  2. While the psychology and pop-psychology communities attempt to define the degree of narcissism which rises to the level of “personality disorder” or “malignancy”, the cutoff lines are arbitrary.  It is a continuum of insolent of pride, ranging from a little to total, 100 percent, non-stop self-obsession which dominates every thought.

While malignant narcissism is shorthand for the more extreme form, all narcissism is malignant – to a degree.  A narcissist’s self-centered, self-aggrandizing, “me first-and-only”, “I’m never wrong” heart is intent on benefitting themselves with no thought of you, so that their gain typically comes at some cost to you.  This could result in annoyances – like their hogging a conversation, or telling obvious lies to puff themselves up – to flattering you in order to extract something from you – to outright stealing, lying, cheating and stabbing you in the back.

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As Proverbs 24:9 says, all scoffers are “an abomination”.  The Hebrew word is “toebah”   meaning detestable or loathsome.  You really hate what they do.  And not just you – everyone who sees past their fake charm and flattery.  The level of loathing is a function of:

      1. the degree of their treachery in achieving their self-exalting aims,
      2. the depth of your relationship
      3. how deeply you are affected by it.

Being denied a promotion because of a backstabbing narcissistic coworker is far different than being annoyed by a relative stranger inflating and bragging about one of their “accomplishments”.

All narcissism is malignant – to a degree.  Pride is on a continuum, and while the secular world of psychology tries to make a clinical distinction between “not too much” (not NPD) and “too much” (NPD), that distinction is arbitrary and is in the eye of the one affected.

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Click here for the initial steps on how to know God personally

 

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The Contradicting Love For A Narcissist

September 23, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags: , ,

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Is it possible to love a narcissist while at the same time being absolutely devastated by the path they have chosen including the possible impact on you?  When I say “love”, I am not referring to the romantic notion, but the most core definition of love – God’s type of love.  To answer this, let’s look at two examples in the Bible.

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Absalom was a narcissist and tried to overthrow his father David to become king of Israel.  Absalom’s move was part of God’s discipline of David for his sin with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12), while God ultimately punished Absalom for his insolent pride and rebellion.

David clearly understood that Absalom had become his enemy, described in Psalm 3 “A Psalm of David when he fled from his son Absalom”,

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Lord, how my enemies have increased!

Many are rising up against me.
Many are saying of my soul,
“There is no salvation for him in God.” Selah

But You, Lord, are a shield around me,
My glory, and the One who lifts my head.
I was crying out to the Lord with my voice,
And He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah

l lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the Lord sustains me.

 I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people
Who have set themselves against me all around.

Arise, Lord; save me, my God!
For You have struck all my enemies on the [e]cheek;
You have shattered the teeth of the wicked.
Salvation belongs to the Lord;
May Your blessing be upon Your people!   

Psalm 3

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But what was David’s response?  He first told his military that, in spite of the fact that Absalom was trying to overthrow (and possibly kill) him, they should deal gently with him,

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But the king commanded Joab, Abishai, and Ittai, saying, “Deal gently with the young man Absalom for my sake.” And all the people heard when the king commanded all the commanders regarding Absalom. 

2 Samuel 18:5

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and when Absalom was killed….

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Then the king trembled and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And this is what he said as he walked: “My son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you, Absalom, my son, my son!” 

2 Samuel 18:33

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How could this be?  David’s lament for Absalom was so obvious that his people complained that David would have rather them die than Absalom (2 Samuel 19).

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A second example is found in Matthew 23.  Jesus had just finished a “truth encounter” with the narcissistic Pharisees, clearly and bluntly outlining to them various aspects of their insolently proud hypocrisy.

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“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who have been sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling.  Behold, your house is being left to you desolate!  For I say to you, from now on you will not see Me until you say, ‘Blessed is the One who comes in the name of the Lord!’” 

Matthew 23:37-39

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David was a “man after God’s heart”, and Jesus was God Himself.  Both showed us God’s heart for insolently proud people walking in rebellion against Him.  While justice will (and should) occur, God – as illustrated by both David and Jesus – still has an underlying heart of love and care for those insolently proud recipients of that justice.  He deeply mourns their outcome.

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The implications for us in dealing with the narcissists in our lives are:

    • Yes, we can deal with narcissists wisely and Biblically, avoiding them when appropriate and placing boundaries and judgments when appropriate.  We can also ask God to deal with them and humble them
    • But at the same time, we can mourn their insolent pride – not just for what it does to us, but more importantly what it does to them.  They are blinded and lost, and will receive the consequences.  While we may feel relief at their judgment,  grieve it at the same time.

 

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
And do not let your heart rejoice when he stumbles,
Otherwise, the Lord will see and be displeased,
And turn His anger away from him.

Do not get upset because of evildoers
Or be envious of the wicked;
For there will be no future for the evil person;
The lamp of the wicked will be put out. 

Proverbs 24:17-20

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Click here for initial steps to peace with God

 

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Narcissist Case Study – Absalom, David’s Son

September 19, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

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In the case of Absalom, there is not a clear statement in the Bible about his insolent pride / narcissism.  However, there are clues regarding Absalom’s drive for self-aggrandisement, which ultimately led to his own death.   Absalom’s quest for exaltation resulted in his destruction, and in the process was a tool used by God to chasten David for his sin in the case of Bathsheba and Uriah.

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Continue reading →

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Dealing With Narcissists – Focus On What You’re Doing, Instead Of What They’re Saying

September 16, 2021 By in Uncategorized Tags: , ,

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“But to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the market places, who call out to the other children, and say, ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.’ For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon!’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.” 

Matthew 11:16-19

. Continue reading →

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