The Contradicting Love For A Narcissist

September 23, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , ,
. Is it possible to love a narcissist while at the same time being absolutely devastated by the path they have chosen including the possible impact on you?  When I say “love”, I am not referring to the romantic notion, but the most core definition of love – God’s type of love.  To answer this, let’s look at two examples in the Bible. . Absalom was a narcissist and tried to overthrow his father David to become king of Israel.  Absalom’s move was part of God’s discipline of David for his sin with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12), while God ultimately punished Absalom for his insolent pride and rebellion. David clearly understood that Absalom had become his enemy, described in Psalm 3 “A Psalm of David when he fled from his son Absalom”,
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Lord, how my enemies have increased!

Many are rising up against me. Many are saying of my soul, “There is no salvation for him in God.” Selah

But You, Lord, are a shield around me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. I was crying out to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah

l lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustains me.

 I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me all around.

Arise, Lord; save me, my God! For You have struck all my enemies on the [e]cheek; You have shattered the teeth of the wicked. Salvation belongs to the Lord; May Your blessing be upon Your people!   

Psalm 3

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But what was David’s response?  He first told his military that, in spite of the fact that Absalom was trying to overthrow (and possibly kill) him, they should deal gently with him, .

But the king commanded Joab, Abishai, and Ittai, saying, “Deal gently with the young man Absalom for my sake.” And all the people heard when the king commanded all the commanders regarding Absalom. 

2 Samuel 18:5

. and when Absalom was killed…. .

Then the king trembled and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And this is what he said as he walked: “My son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you, Absalom, my son, my son!” 

2 Samuel 18:33

. How could this be?  David’s lament for Absalom was so obvious that his people complained that David would have rather them die than Absalom (2 Samuel 19). .
A second example is found in Matthew 23.  Jesus had just finished a “truth encounter” with the narcissistic Pharisees, clearly and bluntly outlining to them various aspects of their insolently proud hypocrisy. .

“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who have been sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling.  Behold, your house is being left to you desolate!  For I say to you, from now on you will not see Me until you say, ‘Blessed is the One who comes in the name of the Lord!’” 

Matthew 23:37-39

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David was a “man after God’s heart”, and Jesus was God Himself.  Both showed us God’s heart for insolently proud people walking in rebellion against Him.  While justice will (and should) occur, God – as illustrated by both David and Jesus – still has an underlying heart of love and care for those insolently proud recipients of that justice.  He deeply mourns their outcome. . The implications for us in dealing with the narcissists in our lives are:
    • Yes, we can deal with narcissists wisely and Biblically, avoiding them when appropriate and placing boundaries and judgments when appropriate.  We can also ask God to deal with them and humble them
    • But at the same time, we can mourn their insolent pride – not just for what it does to us, but more importantly what it does to them.  They are blinded and lost, and will receive the consequences.  While we may feel relief at their judgment,  grieve it at the same time.
 

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, And do not let your heart rejoice when he stumbles, Otherwise, the Lord will see and be displeased, And turn His anger away from him.

Do not get upset because of evildoers Or be envious of the wicked; For there will be no future for the evil person; The lamp of the wicked will be put out. 

Proverbs 24:17-20

. Click here for initial steps to peace with God
 
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
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Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Narcissist Case Study – Absalom, David’s Son

September 19, 2021 By in Bible Case Studies, Marriage & Family Tags: , , ,

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In the case of Absalom, there is not a clear statement in the Bible about his insolent pride / narcissism.  However, there are clues regarding Absalom’s drive for self-aggrandisement, which ultimately led to his own death.   Absalom’s quest for exaltation resulted in his destruction, and in the process was a tool used by God to chasten David for his sin in the case of Bathsheba and Uriah.

……………………………………..

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Dealing With Narcissists – Focus On What You’re Doing, Instead Of What They’re Saying

September 16, 2021 By in Dealing With Narcissists Tags: , ,

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“But to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the market places, who call out to the other children, and say, ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.’ For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon!’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.” 

Matthew 11:16-19

. Continue reading →

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Secular Thoughts On Dating A Narcissist

September 16, 2021 By in Marriage & Family

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This blog started as a result of a situation with a narcissist which led me to cry to God for “Help!”  God’s process of answering that prayer began with leading me first to the secular definition, traits, and tactics.  I thought, THIS is what I’m dealing with.  After that I thought, “surely God says something about it”, and the research for this blog commenced.

The secular world does a good job of observing and describing narcissistic traits – as those are readily apparent to everyone to see.  The difference between the secular and Biblical perspectives lie in 1.  what is the cause, 2.  what are possible solutions, and 3.  how do you deal Biblically with them?

In some cases, the right answer is to “avoid” them (where this applies is discussed in the post Dealing With Narcissists – It Depends on the Relationship).

This is particularly appropriate in dating relationships.  We have a friend who was recently badly hurt dating a narcissist.  This friend constantly felt bad, and did not know why.  I just shared with him an article I found @ https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/am-i-dating-a-narcissist.

Here are some highlights

11 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

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When The Mask Comes Off

September 12, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism
. Narcissists will conceal their intentions, their heart, and their actions to make sure things look good while still working toward their goal of self-exaltation and dominance.  However, while they may hide their intentions for awhile, once they feel they are in a position to truly “go for it” they will discard their mask and fully show their true colors.  They likely showed glimpses of their true nature before taking their mask off, but when given the opportunity they revealed themselves fully.  This is true of many prominent megalomaniacs in the past, but you likely also see examples much closer to home:
    • The “cooperative employee” that becomes a tyrant when he gets to be boss
    • The girlfriend who makes joking digs at her boyfriend, but “becomes” a contentious wife after she ties the knot
    • A congenial cooperative politician who becomes a dictator once in power
Proverbs hints at this phenomena of people showing their true colors when given the chance:

Under three things the earth quakes, And under four, it cannot endure: Under a slave when he becomes king, And a fool when he is satisfied with food, Under an unloved woman when she gets a husband, And a female servant when she dispossesses her mistress. 

Proverbs 30:23

Biblical examples might include
    • Satan gave a seemingly little temptation to Eve in the Garden of Eden, but showed his full true intention – to usurp God – when he told Jesus in the wilderness

Again, the devil *took Him along to a very high mountain and *showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory; and he said to Him, “All these things I will give You, if You fall down and worship me.” 

Matthew 4:8-9

    • The jealous Pharisees couched their opposition to Jesus in pious sounding questions, but when they saw the opportunity they orchestrated his death.
It IS a mask they wear, as narcissists are hypocrites.  The very definition of the word “hypocrite” is wearing a mask to cover intentions and behavior. Proverbs says that charm is deceitful (Proverbs 31:30), and that scoffers (narcissists) are flatterers.  They will use those tactics to “win you over”, but after they have accomplished that the mask will come off and they will begin to reveal their true nature and agenda. This underscores the importance of keen discernment in looking for the clues ahead of time, and avoiding the consequences
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A prudent person sees evil and hides himself, But the naive proceed, and pay the penalty. 
Proverbs 22:3
. Once N’s have their hooks in and feel they are in a position of power – whether personally or at a geopolitical level, they are much more difficult to deal with.  It is better to recognize the clues early, and take action early (like steering clear), than to wait until their mask comes off. . . Click here for initial steps to know God personally    
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Solving Intractable Problems

September 9, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism
. Some of life’s problems seem intractable – unsolvable.  While some of these problems are not our fault, we are a major contributor to others.  We make problems far worse when we take things into our own hands and look everywhere except to God for solutions:

The sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied; 

Psalm 16:4

What do we do with unsolvable problems?  We can despair and lose hope, just waiting for life to end so that we can escape into the brighter hope of heaven.  Or we can take a path of faith, realizing that as long as we have breath and God is involved, the final chapter of our lives has not been written.  This path of faith realizes that nothing is impossible with God.  

27 But He [Jesus] said, “The things that are impossible with people are possible with God.” 

Luke 18:27

This was illustrated by Abraham and Sarah having their first child when he was 100 and she 90 years old.

Is anything too difficult for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, at this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” 

Genesis 18:14

God’s ability to “fix things” does not mean that He will put everything back the way they should have been before we “veered off course”.  And it does not mean that He will create the future that WE want, according to our plan – an attitude that indicates we still are trying to force God to serve us in our goals, rather than us allowing Him to be Lord.  It does mean, however, that He can give us joy, satisfaction, and purpose by weaving our past into a fruitful, loving future. Godly, even Biblical “wisdom” is helpful and essential in finding our way forward.  But we also need to bring God directly into the equation.  We have discussed previously (here and here) this essential aspect of bringing God into the middle of things. But there is one more thing – some will call it radical, others will not.  When we consider that earthly battles are actually spiritual battles…

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.   

Ephesians 6:12

.. we may need to kick our “crying out to God” up a notch and consider fasting with our prayer.  This does not automatically make the answer come faster, but does show an added level of seriousness.

 In those days, I, Daniel, had been mourning for three entire weeks. I did not eat any tasty food, nor did meat or wine enter my mouth, nor did I use any ointment at all until the entire three weeks were completed…

… Then he said to me, “Do not be afraid, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to your words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia was standing in my way for twenty-one days;  

Daniel 10:2-3, 10-14

This added seriousness of fasting might be more natural than we think.  In times of severe distress many of us tend to lose our appetite (others may binge eat or drink).   Why not use that loss of appetite as additional impetus to show God our sincerity through fasting? . . Click here to see the initial steps to peace with God.    
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Narcissists Will Never Celebrate Your Success (Because They’re Jealous)

September 5, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , ,
. You may occasionally be surprised when a narcissistic “friend” fails to be happy for, or even acknowledge, some accomplishment in your life.  An exception might occur if they have already done the same thing before you, or at a higher level than you.  In that case, your accomplishment provides them with the opportunity to boast about what they did first or better. Two examples from narcissists in the Bible illustrate this point: The first came from Jesus’ parable of the “prodigal son”, where Jesus described the narcissistic brother of the lost son this way as the prodigal son returned:  

“Now his older son was in the field, and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. And he summoned one of the servants and began inquiring what these things could be. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has slaughtered the fattened calf because he has received him back safe and sound.’

But he became angry and was not willing to go in; and his father came out and began pleading with him. But he answered and said to his father, ‘Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you never gave me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends;

Luke 15:25-29

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The older brother – who owned the full remaining inheritance after his little brother squandered his portion – was focused on what he did not get instead of celebrating his brother’s return. . Another prime example is the Pharisees’ unwillingness to acknowledge the Messiah – Jesus – when He came.  They were jealous of His success and chided each other for losing their status among the people, .

For this reason [the healing of Lazarus] also the people went to meet Him, because they heard that He had performed this sign.  So the Pharisees said to one another, “You see that you are not accomplishing anything; look, the world has gone after Him!”

John 12:18-19

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in another instance, instead of being happy when a man was healed on a Sabbath (John 5:1-18), the Pharisees immediately began to criticize that it had happened on the Sabbath – looking for some spurious reason with which to undermine the miracle. Failure to acknowledge another’s success – or going further to tear down or undermine it fits with the narcissistic modus operandi – in the insolent pride of their heart they must be first, best, top dog, ahead of you.  Everyone else’s purpose is to support their exaltation – and nothing less can be tolerated. . In contrast to the Pharisees, John (the Baptist) – whom Jesus described as the greatest man who ever lived (Matthew 11:11) – readily deferred to Jesus when He came on the scene: .

And they came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, He who was with you beyond the Jordan, to whom you have testified—behold, He is baptizing and all the people are coming to Him.”  John replied, “A person can receive not even one thing unless it has been given to him from heaven.  

You yourselves are my witnesses that I said, ‘I am not the Christ,’ but, ‘I have been sent ahead of Him.’  He who has the bride is the groom; but the friend of the groom, who stands and listens to him, rejoices greatly because of the groom’s voice. So this joy of mine has been made full.  

He must increase, but I must decrease. 

John 3:26-30

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To those who have experienced this – we need not worry.  God sees and rewards actions which flow out of a right heart of love, and even if a narcissist ignores, discounts, or destroys your accomplishment in the eyes of man, God will have the last say – as He always does. We do not need to defend ourselves or make sure we are acknowledged or recognized – God will take care of that in His way and in His time.  Ultimately God wants others to see that the true accomplishment was Him working in our lives – demonstrating it in a way that points people to Him, so that they can also experience His love and goodness for them. .

Your light must shine before people in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. 

Matthew 5:16

. . Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally
. BOOKS FOR THE SOUL  
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Narcissists Are “Ungenerous”

September 2, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: ,
. Out of their insolent pride and selfishness, and their “me first” attitude, narcissists lack a generosity of spirit.  Let’s call them “ungenerous”.  They believe that “charity begins at home” – and should mostly stay at home.   In other words, “me first”, and then you might get some of the left over crumbs if they feel magnanimous. . The insolently proud Pharisees (see here ) exemplify this.  Jesus said to them, .

 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others. 

Matthew 23:23-24

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Jesus was saying that the Pharisees scrupulously kept the tiniest letter of the law, while ignoring the things most on God’s heart – justice, mercy, and true faithfulness to God.  Also implied is an underlying motive that the Pharisees did not want to give to God any more than was absolutely required. In Mark 7 Jesus also challenged the Pharisees for using a loophole in their traditions to keep from offering help to their parents, refusing the most basic element of generosity. But even though narcissists are ungenerous, they still want to be seen as generous. Jesus called the Pharisees out for making a big show of the few coins they would give to the poor – fake generosity done in a manner to get maximum attention.  He then used them as a counter-example to explain that genuine, quiet generosity is the path to true reward. .

“Take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people, to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.

 “So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, so that they will be praised by people. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 

But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your charitable giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. 

Matthew 6:1-4

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In Acts, the narcissistic Ananias and Sapphira also wanted to quietly limit their generosity while appearing to be generous. . It is easy to understand the narcissist’s lack of a generous spirit.  Their self-exaltation always believes that they deserve more than others, deserve the best, deserve the first of everything.  But there is a deep fallacy in their thinking. While they may mentally assent to God’s glory, in their hearts they either
    • Fail to truly understand God’s limitless love, wisdom, and power (they believe the economic pie is limited and therefore they must get whatever they can for themselves)  OR
    • Fail to truly understand that God is a rewarder of those seek Him and put Him first (Hebrews 11:7)  OR
    • Want to live life their way, according to their rules – forfeiting God’s blessing and forcing them to grab whatever they can in compensation.
. Their failure – in their hearts – to recognize, acknowledge, or submit to God as GOD – with His unlimited knowledge, love and power – makes them grab whatever they can.  This is in contrast to those generous in spirit willing to let go and give out of love – trusting the God of unlimited generosity and resources to make everything good in the end. In contrast to the ungenerous narcissists, Jesus said, .
Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.” 
Luke 6:38
. . Click here for initial steps to peace with God
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Psalm 91 – Security Of The One Who Trusts In The Lord

August 29, 2021 By in Prayers & Psalms Tags:
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Psalm 91

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91 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!”

. 3 For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper And from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.

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5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night, Or of the arrow that flies by day; 6 Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.

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7 A thousand may fall at your side And ten thousand at your right hand, But it shall not approach you. 8 You will only look on with your eyes And see the recompense of the wicked.

. 9 For you have made the Lord, my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place. 10 No evil will befall you, Nor will any plague come near your tent.

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11 For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways. 12 They will bear you up in their hands, That you do not strike your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread upon the lion and cobra, The young lion and the serpent you will trample down.

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14 “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. 15 “He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. 16 “With a long life I will satisfy him And let him see My salvation.”

Praying Powerful Prayers - a 30-day devotional by D.C. Robertsson

Keep Praying: Praying Powerful Prayers

A 30-day devotional from the 30-Day Journeys series on praying the way Scripture teaches. One short reading a day for those who need to bring a hard situation before God.

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For the full biblical study of narcissism, see The First Will Be Last.

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Narcissists Are Quick To Take Credit For Other’s Work

August 25, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: ,
. Most of us have likely observed a narcissist who focuses on taking credit instead of getting a job done well – even to the extreme of  taking credit for something they had absolutely nothing to do with.  It’s infuriating when it happens, and makes you wonder if they are intentionally lying or just delusional.  It could be either – most of my experiences have been of the delusional variety.  This is consistent with the fact that their heart drives their mind.
The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart. 
Luke 6:45
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Because their root heart attitude is “I’m best” or “I’m better than you”, the narcissist’s heart believes that if  something good happens it must have been them, and if something bad happens it must have been you. . Many times you can’t argue with or fight their assertion, because it’s a “he said, she said” situation that is unprovable.  I once had a lady take credit for an answer to prayer I mentioned.  I was highly suspect, but it was not something to argue about – I just let it go and left it in God’s hands. . There may be a time that you really need to set the record straight.  But be aware that you’re doing this vs. someone who will pull every trick in the book to not be wrong.  It would be wise to be very, very, very selective on when you fight the battle.  In most cases, it is better to simply trust God to defend you or to make it work all out for your good in the end.  When you bring the sovereign, loving, powerful God of the universe into the equation, it changes how you approach your response. . You can step back and ask God to humble their hearts, and to enlighten their eyes so that they would see themselves in comparison with God’s greatness (they are small, He is big).  And you can pray specifically that God would help you and deal with, fix, and overcome the specific negative circumstances created by the N’s proud and evil response.  Rather than make your fight with the N, tactically use the circumstance as an opportunity for God to show His love and power and grace in working on your behalf. . This may sound trite.  Our natural instinct is to fight for our justice and win.  But letting God fight the battle in their heart, and exercising His great power to defend and counteract the effects of their evil action (or better yet to use that evil action for our even greater good), is often a wiser, more peaceful course of action. . Back to a narcissist possibly taking credit for our work.  Can we toot our own horn if we do something good?  In the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) the guys given ten talents and five talents came back with tangible, measurable results.  They didn’t boast of their results, but were pleased to present to their boss tangible results.  Jesus didn’t rebuke their presentation of those results.  He only rebuked the “no results”.  (This was a business reference illustrating investing in God’s kingdom).  There is a difference between boasting and presenting facts. . Measurable, identifiable results can be one means of countering a narcissists false claim.  Proverbs says,
The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him.
Proverbs 18:17
. The narcissist may be the first to plead his case, but if you calmly present your provable, measurable, tangible results, you can let the facts speak for themselves in response – without getting into an unwinnable contest with a lying narcissist. . . Click here for initial steps on how to find peace with God.  
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Narcissist Traits – They Set Themselves Up As Lawgiver

August 22, 2021 By in Narcissist Traits & Tactics Tags: ,

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James 4:11-12

11 Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?

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Someone who “speaks against a brother” is doing something far more serious than may appear on the surface.  James says that he is actually setting himself up (in his mind) higher than God as the law-setter and judge of what is right and wrong.  He then uses the standard he has created as the basis for passing judgment on others for not matching up to his standard.  This is exactly how a scoffer (aka narcissist) operates. Continue reading →

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Is God Narcissistic? (No)

August 19, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , , ,

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I receive the occasional comment from haters saying something to the effect that “your God is the biggest narcissist of all”.  I erase those immediately so as to not let blaspheme continue, but let’s address it.

People may make such a comment for a variety of reasons, but let’s assume they mean that God is narcissistic because He wants worship and obedience.  Yes, He does – but the “why” is where they get things backwards, and is the starting point of their blasphemous error. Continue reading →

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Why Do Narcissists Have Addictive Personalities?

August 15, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: , , , ,
. Consider this blog post as “thinking out loud” about something.  It is not intended to be definitive, but simply the start of working through a subject. Conventional wisdom holds that narcissists tend toward addictive personalities.  I have no reason to dispute it, and have seen traces in my own life in the past – a sample size of one.  However, assuming this is true, what could be the cause? Here are some overlapping possibiilties: ……
  • ONE – they forfeit God-given grace.
James says,

But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 

James 4:6

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A working definition I use for grace is “God gives us what we need (in abundance), when we need it”.  The big example of course is salvation by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8-9) – something we all desperately need.  But grace can include many other things, ranging from the “common grace” of sunshine to the grace to live properly – God giving us the desire and the power to do the right thing.  Paul describes that in Philippians.
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So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to desire and to work for His good pleasure. 

Philippians 4:12-13

. If we are proud and determined that our way is best, God says, “OK, go ahead, do it your way.  But you’re on your own for this one”.  In doing this we reject His help, His grace, forfeiting the desire and power from His hand to rise above sinful practices, and increasing the likelihood of sinking into destructive patterns. …..
  • TWO – they are naive and think that consequences are for someone else
. Narcissists are smart and very clever, but lack good judgment – a popular phrase is that they know the price of everything but the value of nothing.  This lack of good judgment results in not clearly anticipating the full consequences of their actions.  Proverbs says, .
A prudent person sees evil and hides himself, But the naive proceed, and pay the penalty.
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Proverbs 22:3, 27:12
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This lack of prudent caution means they have no solid boundaries, resulting in leaping before looking, jumping into things.  They will look at something that could lead to addiction – let’s say alcohol or gambling – and assume that outcome won’t happen to them.
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  • THREE – opening themselves to the wrong side
. This one is going to be a bit more difficult, but let’s try. Spiritual warfare is real.  In Paul’s famous statement on the armor of God he explained that the real battle is in the spiritual realm, not the earthly realm. .

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 

Ephesians 6:10-12

. There is no neutral territory in the spiritual world.   Jesus said .

The one who is not with Me is against Me; and the one who does not gather with Me scatters. 

Matthew 12:30

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This goes deeper than you may think.  When King Saul disobeyed God, the prophet Samuel told him. .

For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king. 

I Samuel 15:23 (KJV)

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This is the flip side of point number one.  When someone says to God “my way is best, I don’t need you”, they are proud, but proudly rebellious.  So, not only do they forfeit God’s grace, but they open themselves up to “the other side”. Witchcraft is inviting the influence of Satan, the most wicked taskmaster possible, into your  life.  Samuel said that rebellion is “like” witchcraft.  There is no neutral territory in the spiritual world – if we rebel against God we implicitly choose the other side, giving Satan a much stronger foothold.  Since Satan is out to destroy us, he (and his demons) will use their greater influence to ensnare us in whatever way they can. (This is a much deeper subject than we can discuss here – I can recommend the book “Spiritual Warfare” by Karl Payne for those who want to dig deeper.) . The antidote is to have a full view of God and who He is – His unlimited knowledge, wisdom, power, holiness, and love – and to yield (humbling ourselves) to Him – resulting in an abundance of His grace.  If we are trapped in a pattern as a result of our proud rebellion, we also need to confess our sins (I John 1:9) – not only for His forgiveness but as also part of the humbling process which results in greater grace.  He is then able to reclaim ground that we have yielded to the opposing kingdom (see Karl Payne’s book). . As I said at the beginning, view this as simply food for thought and a starting point for further exploration. . Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally  
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

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Why Does God Allow Evil People To Remain?

August 12, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism Tags: ,

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When we deal with narcissists there is always a big question lingering in the background.  This question is the same whether dealing with them on an individual basis.

The question is “why”.  Why does God allow evil (including narcissistic) people to remain on the earth, and by extension, to continue to cause us trouble?

We will address here evil people as a group, not individuals.

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The answer is found in Jesus’ parable of the wheat and the tares: Continue reading →

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A Great Example

August 10, 2021 By in Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism
. I came across something so compelling I just had to share. I saw a small fraction of the Olympics, including the women’s 400 meter hurdles won in world record time by Sydney Maclaughlin.  I then heard that she was a believer in Jesus, and came across this quote from her Instagram page: .
“Let me start off by saying, what and honor it is to be able to represent not only my country, but also the kingdom of God. What I have in Christ is far greater than what I have or don’t have in life. I pray my journey may be a clear depiction of submission and obedience to God. Even when it doesn’t make sense, even when it doesn’t seem possible. He will make a way out of no way. Not for my own gratification, but for His glory. I have never seen God fail in my life. In anyone’s life for that matter. Just because I may not win every race, or receive every one of my heart’s desires, does not mean God had failed. His will is PERFECT. And He has prepared me for a moment such as this. That I may use the gifts He has given me to point all the attention back to Him. “ (https://www.instagram.com/p/CSMa9_mrhQU/) .
YES !!! . God knew Sydney’s heart and her testimony – including her willingness to genuinely give God the glory – and provided her a platform so that HE would be made known to a much broader audience. The narcissistic approach is to exalt ourselves first, with God possibly benefitting from OUR reflected glory as a secondary consideration. But the non-narcissistic, humble approach is to “go low” in our hearts, seek to honor God first, and then let Him decide how He wants to use it – whether very visibly like Sydney Mclaughlin, or invisibly in a way that will only be revealed in eternity. . Click here for initial steps on how to know God personally
 
 
The First Will Be Last book cover - a biblical perspective on narcissism by D.C. Robertsson

Go Deeper: The First Will Be Last

What does the Bible say about narcissism, and how should a believer respond? This book walks through Scripture’s case studies, the key words the Bible uses, and practical counsel for those living or working with a narcissist.

Get the Book on Amazon
Learn More

Paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. For daily encouragement, see the 30-Day Journeys devotional series.

Share